Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

city-journal.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

731–740 of 1001 posts

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#731

Post by throwaway666666 »

strikelaserclaw wrote: post #242
germanlee wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Feminism is a symptom rather than the cause. The cause is the commoditization of humans into productivity and consumption units in a post-industrial environment where the state and corporations dominate. Corporations want to extract every bit of production and consumption out of individuals. A woman taking time off for pregnancy or deciding to become a stay-at-home mom is a drain on corporate productivity. And every…

Agreed. A large part of american culture has been engineered consciously or unconsciously to be some sort of productivity/materialistic porno. It is completely unbalanced. The american values nowadays all go towards trying to create an "Übermensch".

Yes and the average american woman took the bait hook line and sinker.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#732

Post by futureastronaut »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #544
futureastronaut wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. PSA, there's nothing wrong with being skinny, and some people prefer a skinny partner.

PSA: People happily burbling about what works for them and their partner in their relationship are not judging nor body policing anyone else and should not be treated like they are. My read on that comment: "I can't be arsed to go to the gym regularly for my own benefit, but I'm happy to do so to please her and I'm all the healthier for it. win-win!"

There's no need to read aggression in my comment or to reply like that. I was simply stating this for readers who might feel self-conscious about being skinny, as I did when I read the comment. Western culture very much shames skinny, healthy men so I thought it was a useful reminder.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#733

Post by bargl »

chrismeller wrote: post #65

The number of people I know who advocate that “blood is thicker than water” and then spend most of our outings at a bar complaining about one or another of those blood relatives... For years I’ve felt like I’m supposed to report in to my family (my mother in particular) because otherwise I’m assumed dead. It was never reasonable, I was always safe and happy (and not engaged in anything crazy like CIA wetwork, just tr…

I actually had a similar(ish) situation to yours. I read a book called "boundaries" and that's made my relationships with my family much better.

This all came about when I was getting married.

This was about 10 years ago now. Fast forward to wife + kids and I did something I never thought I'd do. I moved home to be close to family again.

I'm still fully self reliant but my kids get to grow up near gma and gpa which is amazing.

It wasn't until I entered into the group of my friends with kids that I realized there's a fair amount of isolation there.

Anyway, I followed a similar path. I moved across the country to get away from my family man, and now that I've learned to set boundaries I'm back and happy with our new relationship. Maybe that'll work for you and your family and maybe it wont.

We did have friends who were family where we used to live. The kind of friends you call when you're going into labor and they pick your kid up from daycare after driving for an hour. I miss them more than almost anyone else in the world. So, while you can make it work with family and it might be great, you can also make it work without them. That's just what I chose to do.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#734

Post by duderific »

astura wrote: post #380
ratsimihah wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try yoga at a small studio, communities are often great :>

My anecdote: I went to yoga the same night at the same small studio for years. Mostly the same people showed up every week but I didn't find it to be an atmosphere good for socialization at all. I don't know at what point in a yoga class you'd have time for conversation.

Maybe afterwards when people are gathering up their stuff and heading out. There is always something to talk about, i.e. how you liked the class, was it hard or easy, etc.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#735

Post by thtthings »

(my baseless rant with no scientific proof)I think people who move a lot are lonelier as opposed to those who never left the place they grew up. I have a few childhood friends in my home town that even if i meet after years still share a bond. I feel that it must be easier for women to make friends. It is very hard to make guy friends as most guys who are not in a relationship tend to focus on finding/hooking up. Also, we are a bit conditioned by pornography and also are a bit delusional. Everyone thinks too highly of themselves.. no one wants to settle. The women/men who can settle don't as their mischief(fucking around) catches on to them. Nothing wrong with that but there are consequences.

We half of us are lonely and don't want to be. Can't we all just get along and be nice to each other and build genuine relationships? No. For that first we need to accept that conditioning is messing up with our heads.. Change our habits and slow but surely we will meet like minded people

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#736

Post by dang »

mlurp wrote: post #665
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Hey, I'm in prov too. I'm pretty busy but hit me up if you're interested in hanging out sometime.

The email field in your profile isn't visible to other HN users, only to the site admins. If you want to be contactable, you'll need to include contact details in the About field.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#737

Post by pthomas551 »

ptaffs wrote: post #623
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

A friend of a friend told me that people, such as diplomat families who have to quickly settle but often relocate, will deliberately but routinely eat at the same restaurant, say, every Thursday evening. After a couple of weeks they'll find staff or other regular diners will engage with them and build relationships.

It's a bit easier as an expat because there are lots of other expats also looking to meet people. Very freshman year of college type vibe in my experience. Your problem becomes less making friends, and instead ensuring you make the right friends. There are a lot of dodgy characters in expat communities.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#738

Post by mpfundstein »

9HZZRfNlpR wrote: post #658
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I felt very similar but at the age of 20 I shut myself indoors and it's been like that ever since. Everyone has long forgot about me. I turned 31 an hour ago. I think I just got used to it. I was lucky that I inherented a small flat, although in bad condition and location. I score some freelance gigs time to time to keep myself alive. I have tried online communities or friends so to speak but I don't really get it ho…

Happy birthday mate

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#739

Post by tschwimmer »

tropo wrote: post #668
natrik wrote: post #509

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If she is 20 years younger, then he will have to date her until she is 18 or so, but that's okay, too. Mother nature and the lawyers agree: A women of 18 is old enough to get married, have kids, and do well at both. WTF is this comment. Please do not take this advice.

Plato and many American states agree: A women of 16 is old enough to get married, have kids Plato would even add the "and do well at both". That is advice from a famous philosopher. He thought 16 was ideal for women, and 30 was ideal for men. I have no idea if he might have had a personal bias in that matter.

Luckily for us, neither of these are particularly good modern moral authorities.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#740

Post by maynman »

cwp wrote: post #677
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

That sounds like a great plot for a movie.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1068680/

Post reply on HN