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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#391

Post by kop316 »

beat wrote: post #378

My own concerns are different. I'm in my 50s now, happily married for over 25 years, with a terrific social life. I'm not at all lonely or isolated. It's my children that I worry about. They're boy/girl twins, now 25. My daughter is in the process of breaking up with the boyfriend she's lived with for the past two years, and moving back home to re-settle her life. She has a career, and wants to get married and start…

If I may comment as a young(er) generation (I am early 30s now): I met who I wanted to marry when I was 29, and proposed to her at 30. I think she will be fine. I honestly think your daughter having to re-settle her life to find someone who shares the same wants in life out of her will lead to longer term happiness. When I was 25, I was dating someone long term whom it was kind of similar, I adored her, but ultimately we were not compatible. I am much happier now with the person I adore and am compatible with.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#392

Post by toasterlovin »

ecoled_ame wrote: post #240
jniedrauer wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change. There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans."

Seriously. The only reason I could justify having kids would be if I looked around, thought to myself "gee, there seems to be a shortage of people", and then I would replicate. Justifying replication for the sake of one's happiness is such a logical folly that it makes me die inside.

Having children bestows the incomparable gift of life on other people (your children). Bestowing that gift is the part of having children that makes someone happy. It's not a self centered happiness; the day-to-day of raising children is frequently miserable.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#393

Post by canadapups »

xenospn wrote: post #114
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Adopt a dog. Go to the park twice a day. You’ll feel amazing.

I used to live in an area with lots of apartment buildings and had to babysit a friends dog for a couple of weeks. I met a couple of people when I took the dog out at 6:30am because they were doing the same thing. Ran into the same people every day. Plus you always let the dogs visit (sniff each other) so starting a conversation is almost automatic.

Now I have my own dogs. Easy to meet people if you go to obedience, agility, or other dog classes.

With a dog you get all of the above, plus the affection from the dog, plus the additional exercise.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#394

Post by irrational »

40acres wrote: post #60

My mother, dad, aunts, etc. all immigrated to the US in a period of about 5 years. They all settled in Brooklyn and a few even lived in the same apartment complex. Growing up the extended family was HUGE and someone new was over every Sunday. The next generation has become geographically spread out, I moved to the West Coast, a few of my cousins are in college out of state.. about half of this generation is likely to…

My grandparents as children lived in farming/ranching communities where all the rest of their family lived. But then along came WWII and after the war many went to college on GI Bills and subsequently ended up living far apart from each other. Their children ended up living in a number of different states. I have eight brothers and sisters and we all live in different states scattered all across the USA from east to west and north to south. It has been decades since we were last all together in the same location. I already assume that my children will settle down somewhere far removed from where they were raised. Heck, I plan on moving away from where I raised them when I retire. I just can't see how it could ever go back to families living in the same town. It seems so unrealistic and infeasible.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#395

Post by 5874-4b22-a4e0 »

empath75 wrote: post #388
beat wrote: post #378

My own concerns are different. I'm in my 50s now, happily married for over 25 years, with a terrific social life. I'm not at all lonely or isolated. It's my children that I worry about. They're boy/girl twins, now 25. My daughter is in the process of breaking up with the boyfriend she's lived with for the past two years, and moving back home to re-settle her life. She has a career, and wants to get married and start…

If it makes you feel better, I was still living with my parents at 24 and had never had a girlfriend and I am now happily married with two kids. Some people are late bloomers.

But it sounds like thier son is a f'ng looser. He would've had some sense beaten into him if his parents actually cared.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#396

Post by whiskyant »

driven20 wrote: post #383
beat wrote: post #378

My own concerns are different. I'm in my 50s now, happily married for over 25 years, with a terrific social life. I'm not at all lonely or isolated. It's my children that I worry about. They're boy/girl twins, now 25. My daughter is in the process of breaking up with the boyfriend she's lived with for the past two years, and moving back home to re-settle her life. She has a career, and wants to get married and start…

Your son is 25. Shouldn't he have more responsibilities? Metaphorically speaking should you push him out of the nest? Or at least move towards that direction.

Seriously. With food and shelter always taken of, there's no incentive for him to get a job or "adult" at all.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#397

Post by jimpudar »

claytonjy wrote: post #168
dllthomas wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I can't wait to hit the phase of life with a partner and/or family living with me. You're in a phase of life where you could live with others, although there's no guarantee of there actually being a good opportunity near by. I spent a chunk of my 20s living in a student housing cooperative in Ann Arbor, MI, and for the most part it was a great experience. It was big enough, and enough of the population was grad stu…

As someone in the same area, I'm curious if you did this post-grad-school? I can't imagine the co-ops in e.g. Kerrytown are very welcoming of non-students, but I don't know.

I lived next door to the co-op at State and Catherine, and there were a few people who lived there who were in their late thirties and definitely not students. I don't know about _all_ of them, but some definitely don't care if you are a student or not.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#399

Post by maneshi »

AlexandrB wrote: post #364
maneshi wrote: post #292

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And whose tax money will be looking after you in your old age, when you have no family of your own to take care of you? The children of those ‘unethical’ people you tediously condescend so proudly up on your high horse.

And whose tax money is paying for the schools that are educating those children at the moment? Oh right... This is a really bad argument. Especially in countries that have a lot more support for parents than the US.

Yes, exactly. Isn’t that precisely the point? Paying it forward, so in turn we will be supported when we reach old age?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#400

Post by Eruditorum »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Boston, MA. Send me an email.
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