The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness • Hacker News Board

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#151

Post by jonahrd » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:32 PM UTC

SuddsMcDuff wrote: post #115

jonahrd wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just a piece of advice: try to take a step back and listen more carefully to the complaints you're hearing. When people talk about dismantling the patriarchy, or about racial privilege, they are not actually talking about any one particular person. You are fully able to be white, male, privileged, and still be an ally to those who do not benefit as much from the power structures in our society. Instead of feeling per…

Take for example a comment from this very thread: "Feminism has brought about a lot of changes, but I don't think we can lay this one at the feet of women trying to escape their compulsory reliance on unreliable, selfish, and inconsiderate men." How should we take a step back and listen more carefully to this? How are we to interpret that other than as an attack on all men?

Pay attention to the syntax, it's not an attack on all men. It's quite specifically an attack on "unreliable, selfish, and inconsiderate men."

These men do exist, and these men have historically used societal norms to trap women in marriages or work that was unfair. It's great that we are working toward a society which recognizes that this is harmful and allows these women to seek better opportunity for themselves!

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#152

Post by jerkstate » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:32 PM UTC

xenospn wrote: post #129

residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

I think having kids is scientifically proven to make you unhappy and greatly increase your stress levels. It’s no wonder people just put off having kids until they can, or pass on having them altogether.

Conflating happiness (immediate) with satisfaction (long-term) is exactly the problem, nicely illustrated.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#153

Post by throwaway666666 » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:32 PM UTC

0815test wrote: post #120

taway060619 wrote: post #90

I’ve been feeling a pretty intense sort of depression and loneliness for the last month or so. The feelings of “you’re a white male and you work in tech and you are wealthy you are a SATAN” is just becoming too much :(. I volunteer a tremendous amount in education, where I’m the only male I generally even see in my field, and I constantly have to listen to my coworkers gleefully talk about how excited they are at how…

> The feelings of “you’re a white male and you work in tech and you are wealthy you are a SATAN” is just becoming too much :( This is why "It's okay to be white" is a serious message, not just "a meme" or "trolling". Because, really, it is okay. You're not doing anything wrong! Don't let anyone BS you otherwise.

It's fascinating to watch the response that colleges and communities will make to seeing those signs.

They call the sign racist, which is insane. It's like the powers that be are trying to establish that if you're white, you are automatically racist and need to constantly be in a state of shame and guilt.

If you attempt to seek even the tiniest bit of pride in your race, you are a bad person.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#154

Post by taway060619 » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:33 PM UTC

throwaway666666 wrote: post #124

taway060619 wrote: post #90

I’ve been feeling a pretty intense sort of depression and loneliness for the last month or so. The feelings of “you’re a white male and you work in tech and you are wealthy you are a SATAN” is just becoming too much :(. I volunteer a tremendous amount in education, where I’m the only male I generally even see in my field, and I constantly have to listen to my coworkers gleefully talk about how excited they are at how…

[flagged]

White nationalists are the exact same thing on the other side. They’re awful, awful people who are trying to make others feel inferior. No part of me gives and quarter to those people. My hatred of being called a devil due to the color of my skin does NOT align me with those who want to do the same thing to others. Not at all.

And I’d rather be depressed forever than give any of those people any sort of solace. No.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#155

Post by notfromhere » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:33 PM UTC

Avshalom wrote: post #4

Yup, sounds about right, decry the death of the multi generational home then decry boomerang kids then decry people living alone.

Multigenerational housing is all fun and games until you're somehow nonconforming enough for it to be palpable. I feel like people aching for multigenerational housing really don't know the downsides of those arrangements.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#156

Post by strikelaserclaw » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:33 PM UTC

taway060619 wrote: post #90

I’ve been feeling a pretty intense sort of depression and loneliness for the last month or so. The feelings of “you’re a white male and you work in tech and you are wealthy you are a SATAN” is just becoming too much :(. I volunteer a tremendous amount in education, where I’m the only male I generally even see in my field, and I constantly have to listen to my coworkers gleefully talk about how excited they are at how…

Where the hell do you live that you not only experience this but experience it enough that it affects your mental health. I've lived in multiple states, worked for multiple companies and I've yet to experience either the extreme SJW, or the extreme bigotry/racism side of things.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#157

Post by ogig » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:33 PM UTC

xenospn wrote: post #129

residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

I think having kids is scientifically proven to make you unhappy and greatly increase your stress levels. It’s no wonder people just put off having kids until they can, or pass on having them altogether.

Anecdote; my kid is my greatest source of happiness.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#158

Post by enraged_camel » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:33 PM UTC

kilowatt wrote: post #71

nugget wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the risk of wading into deeply controversal territory, I'll add some personal observations. One of the harsh realities I have seen is that it's very difficult for women to "have it all" meaning a fulfilling personal, family, and professional life, especially in the most competitive fields. Yet for many years this idea has persisted in a mythical sense as broadly achievable. I am now in my late 30s. I've watched my…

> It makes me sad because while they have awesome professional accomplishments, they would have been awesome mothers and parents as well. I just wanted to point out politely how strange this language reads to me. It's ultimately the decision of each person whether to have kids or not. This being "sad" for them is an overreach, morally, IMO--and part of the fight feminism led was to carve out a space for women in soci…

I have many female friends in their mid-30s and early 40s, and the ones without kids are almost always sad/regretful about it themselves. Some won't admit it, but some will, especially in more intimate settings. I've had one cry on my shoulder - she is very successful professionally, but feels she missed out on the opportunity for motherhood.

Whether it was her "choice" is hard to say. Very few people get the chance to engineer their lives the way they want. Most people instead play the cards they are dealt. And now that there are many more different types of possible cards in the deck for women, they are coming to the understanding that it is possible to be dealt a bad hand, and not realize it until it is too late.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#159

Post by biohax2015 » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:33 PM UTC

xenospn wrote: post #129

residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

I think having kids is scientifically proven to make you unhappy and greatly increase your stress levels. It’s no wonder people just put off having kids until they can, or pass on having them altogether.

If it's scientifically proven, there should be some research backing it up. Do you have a link to that research?

You cannot just say things like this without providing evidence.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#160

Post by sharkmerry » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 6:34 PM UTC

1zee wrote: post #138

xenospn wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think having kids is scientifically proven to make you unhappy and greatly increase your stress levels. It’s no wonder people just put off having kids until they can, or pass on having them altogether.

That's a pretty general, sweeping claim to make without a source.

i agree, i found this from quick search.. somewhat supports him/her. Havent delved into the studies wholly yet

https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/01/why-does-anyo...