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Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

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Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#51

Post by AlexandrB »

bugsy wrote: post #25

Figure out what sort of looks and cultural qualities you like in a wife/girlfriend. Travel to that country and live there for a couple months staying in hostels or couch surfing. Meet girls. Extend the 2 months as long as needed, switching countries if there are issues. Marry foreign girl. Stay in her country where you now have a spouse visa. Start new life. The reason for this advice is because you said "I'm sick of…

Could you link to these studies? I seem to recall reading the exact opposite a little while ago (similar people do better together), but I'm not sure where I read that either.

As a practical matter, it seems to me that an INTJ would have a hard time meeting an ESFP since they would not enjoy the same activities and would not cross paths too often.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#52

Post by groaner »

marquis wrote: post #8

Wow, what an opportunity. The world is yours - may I recommend that you travel? Travel cheap, see the world. Find your passion. Don't worry about what you are going to do in the future, you have so much time to build a life/lives. Concrete examples? Volunteer, either near home or internationally (though don't get stuck in a 'paid' volunteer system, just pay for your own travel but don't get charged to work anywhere a…

I've thought long and hard about this. I really do want to do this, but I don't know if I can pull it off.

I'm afraid that I'll wind up like Antoine Roquentin from Sartre's Nausea -- a long world tour followed by disappointment and existential crisis.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#53

Post by jey »

groaner wrote: post #52
marquis wrote: post #8

Wow, what an opportunity. The world is yours - may I recommend that you travel? Travel cheap, see the world. Find your passion. Don't worry about what you are going to do in the future, you have so much time to build a life/lives. Concrete examples? Volunteer, either near home or internationally (though don't get stuck in a 'paid' volunteer system, just pay for your own travel but don't get charged to work anywhere a…

I've thought long and hard about this. I really do want to do this, but I don't know if I can pull it off. I'm afraid that I'll wind up like Antoine Roquentin from Sartre's Nausea -- a long world tour followed by disappointment and existential crisis.

If you try it, you might succeed.

If you don't try it, you definitely won't succeed.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#54

Post by jcr » 

  > I'm not in shape to start a company because I don't have any sort of overarching passion that will keep me motivated no matter what, nor do I have any monetizable hobbies or interests. I also have serious doubts about my programming skill, let alone ability to run a business. Everything I've been interested in making already exists in a form better than I can ever do myself. (That ought to be a wonderful thing in itself, but my selfish ego demands that I personally make a difference somewhere.)
I believe I know the answer you seek, but I'm not sure if my body will hold out long enough to type it. The details of my health are my own, but it should suffice to say that moving and even typing come at a price.

When I was near your age a dear friend of mine, Regina Riley, was kind enough to share an important bit of wisdom; When you say, "I'm Bored," you are actually saying, "I'm Boring."

For many people, it can be a very harsh revelation.

The additional difficult revelation is; fascinating people are fascinated, and fascination is a choice.

An alternate, but equally accurate, way to phrase it is; interesting people are interested, and interest is a choice.

You must choose to be interested. You must choose to be fascinated. It might be a thing, or a field, or a topic, or even another person. Your choice is an investment, and every investment has a price. It may or may not be the very best investment you could make, but it is guaranteed to pay off in some way.

In taking the time to type this, I chose to have an interest in you as a fellow human being, and I made an investment at a higher price than most must pay to post an opinion on a forum. I could flatter myself with the effort I've put forth to type this. I could flatter myself with believing I spotted the root of your problem. I could flatter myself with making a difference in your life by sharing something that was shared with me.

I don't need self-important flattery, and I honestly have no clue if this will be helpful to you in any way. It may have been a poor choice of investments.

None the less, I'm happily content with just knowing I tried my best to be interested and invested in helping another human being. I decided to be interesting. Can you say the same?

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#55

Post by Splines »

petercooper wrote: post #30
groaner wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please. I know I have a fair share of problems, but you seem awfully quick to pass judgment as to this being one of them. Care to elaborate? EDIT: Let me just say that I'm in no shape to get into a relationship. I will just be dumping my problems on her and making her miserable instead.

FWIW, I never had a steady girlfriend till I was 23 (married to her and have a kid now, 6 years on) and it didn't bother me. Definitely don't feel pushed by society or embarrassment into prematurely settling down (or ever settling down at all, I know several people over 40 who have been permanently single and have rich lives).

Definitely agree here. A girlfriend is only one of many people with whom you can share a close relationship. Close non-intimate relationships with anyone can be just as rewarding.

I've done a lot of boneheaded things in my youth, and postponing romantic relationships to a later time probably would have resulted in me making better decisions when faced with the same situation. I'd like to think so, at least.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#56

Post by groaner »

jcr wrote: post #54

> I'm not in shape to start a company because I don't have any sort of overarching passion that will keep me motivated no matter what, nor do I have any monetizable hobbies or interests. I also have serious doubts about my programming skill, let alone ability to run a business. Everything I've been interested in making already exists in a form better than I can ever do myself. (That ought to be a wonderful thing in i…

Let it be known that your investment has paid off in, at minimum, a grateful reader and an upvote.

The really scary thing is that I've noticed I'm having an easier time acknowledging that I'm boring than taking action to change that. I'm still trying to fight the idea that I might be fundamentally lazy.

But thank you for your support! It will be a difficult journey for me as well.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#57

Post by troels »

bugsy wrote: post #25

Figure out what sort of looks and cultural qualities you like in a wife/girlfriend. Travel to that country and live there for a couple months staying in hostels or couch surfing. Meet girls. Extend the 2 months as long as needed, switching countries if there are issues. Marry foreign girl. Stay in her country where you now have a spouse visa. Start new life. The reason for this advice is because you said "I'm sick of…

Now we're sidestepping this entirely, but I never really understood that sentiment. Do people really have some sort of ideal spouse image inside their head and then seek out someone to fit? That doesn't fit with my version of reality.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#58

Post by groaner »

bugsy wrote: post #25

Figure out what sort of looks and cultural qualities you like in a wife/girlfriend. Travel to that country and live there for a couple months staying in hostels or couch surfing. Meet girls. Extend the 2 months as long as needed, switching countries if there are issues. Marry foreign girl. Stay in her country where you now have a spouse visa. Start new life. The reason for this advice is because you said "I'm sick of…

Thanks. I'll take your suggestion to experience something different, although I find it curious that you chose to frame this as relationship advice.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#59

Post by jey »

AlexandrB wrote: post #51
bugsy wrote: post #25

Figure out what sort of looks and cultural qualities you like in a wife/girlfriend. Travel to that country and live there for a couple months staying in hostels or couch surfing. Meet girls. Extend the 2 months as long as needed, switching countries if there are issues. Marry foreign girl. Stay in her country where you now have a spouse visa. Start new life. The reason for this advice is because you said "I'm sick of…

Could you link to these studies? I seem to recall reading the exact opposite a little while ago (similar people do better together), but I'm not sure where I read that either. As a practical matter, it seems to me that an INTJ would have a hard time meeting an ESFP since they would not enjoy the same activities and would not cross paths too often.

Socionics, which is a Jungian typology that's similar to but different from MBTI developed primarily in Russia, provides some of the evidence for this. The types in Socionics don't map one-to-one onto MBTI types, but the general idea of what the grandparent is saying is supported by the concept of "dual" types within Socionics. The basic idea behind a duals is that you get along best with people who share your attitudes/proclivities, but have complementary strengths/weaknesses within those dispositions. And yes, meeting duals is often pretty hard, especially for certain pairs, because they move in different social circles and environments.

It's very interesting stuff and it seems to me like it's onto something, but it's still pretty fringe, and has not been convincingly statistically validated yet. I'm very interested in formalizing these notions and subjecting them to statistically well-founded empirical tests. Right now there's a lot of enthusiasm for Socionics in Russia, but not much work in the Western world. Email or IM me if interested in chatting about this.

Also, since it's so new, beware of crackpottery... there's some people who claim absurd things like being able to determine someone's dominant Socionic type just by seeing a photograph.

Re: Ask HN: Finally have loose change and spare time, but no sense of purpose. Help.

#60

Post by groaner »

dkarl wrote: post #47
groaner wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for your reassurance. The problem is that I have evidence to the contrary. I have already started wasting time and not doing anything worthwhile. In any case, I don't see myself doing anything other than programming for a career, though I ought to take some time to explore as well.

That's why I said give it time :-) Collapsing is a natural reaction to the removal of pressure. You have spent a long time trying to do work that you didn't want to do. The corporate experience trains you to believe that you are naturally lazy, because you spend all day in agonized revulsion against the productive, useful work you are asked to do. The secret is that just because you do not want to do certain work for…

Wow, I never thought of it that way. I really really want to believe this is true... but time will tell.
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