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It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

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Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#71

Post by StavrosK »

RyanMcGreal wrote: post #23

I'm surprised at the arrogance and even offensiveness of several of the comments posted here. (I'm also reminded of the currently trending article about sexual harassment and assault at OSS conventions.) The author's issue not with men hitting on her, as she clearly explains. Her issue is with men obtaining her contact information ostensibly to do business and then using that contact information to hit on her. Really…

Oh man, whenever sexes are involved the comments read like World War II.

To the posters here: Getting a girl's number to ask her on a date on the pretense of networking is creepy.

To the author: Some guys are creepy. Deflect them like you usually do.

This doesn't seem such a big deal!

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#72

Post by hard1p »

GiraffeNecktie wrote: post #21
Estragon wrote: post #12

Wow that youtube video she included was the most annoying thing I've seen all week. I lasted 30s. And yes, she does sound self-involved, as she speculates at the end of the post. Of course she gets to have her rant (why ask?) but I have to wonder why... it doesn't come off very well.

Well she's got eight, count em, EIGHT pictures of herself and her shiny red lips at the top of the page. So yeah, self-involved? Could be.

Self-involved? It's a personal site -duh?

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#73

Post by ergo98 »

hard1p wrote: post #68
grammaton wrote: post #47

So....girl writes a blog that is half blog, half glamour photo shoot, and is obviously trading on her appearance. Fine, it's a free country, work an advantage if you've got it. She openly admits in the "about" section of her blog that she has all of one year of experience. Then girl is shocked, just shocked , when business professionals don't take her seriously and are only interested in one thing. A superficial girl…

How is she 'obviously' trading on her appearance exactly? If she was minging and had exactly the same online presence you wouldn't be saying that. Tard

Anyone with any common sense can see that she's attempting to exploit sexuality to her advantage. In no way does that diminish her potential competency, nor does it excuse sexism and pigs, but come on -- project "consider me sexually" (from a male/female relationship perspective), and that is exactly what people will do.

And it's not exactly surprising that someone writing about being hit on, and their concerns with being hit on, does such a thing. It's all a part of the same visage.

To bring up Reddit, because this is a very Redditesque story, this reminds me of the hilarious comic someone submitted there of the difference of guys and girls showing off something in a picture for other Redditors to appreciate, be it a game, animal, etc: every guy picture is just the object. Every girl picture is 90% the girl, 10% the object. Wish I could find a link to it because it is far too true.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#74

Post by acgourley »

stuhacking wrote: post #25

Why doesn't she get a second phone/line for business only. If someone abuses that then at least they don't have her personal number and she can deal with the inappropriate use of her business number accordingly. She could also make it clear on the card that it is a business number.

It doesn't really matter, I've had an ex get asked to dates over email by potential business leads. Especially awkward is the "half and half" situation where they asked you to dinner to discuss business. For her it was especially hard to turn down because it wasn't just a networking client is was often a potential client for her firm.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#75

Post by tome »

parfe wrote: post #56
tome wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there are two different realities that fit the evidence we've been presented with equally well. One is unacceptable -- and she's well within her rights to complain; the other is acceptable -- and she's making too much of the issue. It's not beyond the realms of possibility that the following is the case: The men "hitting on" her are perfectly polite and interested in her professionally, but also want to see i…

Would you find it acceptable for someone to call you after finding your resume online but then after the business pretext asking you on a date?

I'd find it odd if I'd never met them. Having met someone in person is a whole different issue.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#76

Post by acgourley »

thret wrote: post #10

I see her point, but I don't blame any of those guys. The hottest chick at the party is going to get hit on in every way possible and there is really nothing you can do about it. "My wallet's too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight."

She did do something about it, didn't she? It's not going to solve the problem overnight but it's more likely to create change than just bucking up.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#77

Post by tome »

parfe wrote: post #55
tome wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my opinion she's anything but clear. She doesn't explain, for example, when she gets asked out on a date (is that exactly what she's suggesting these men are doing -- it's again not clear) why can she just not say "no thanks" and leave it at that?

>In my opinion she's anything but clear. Seriously? You miss her saying that trading business cards is not an invitation for personal contact? I found it blatantly obvious that she finds direct flirting acceptable while the subterfuge of faking a professional interaction to acquire contact information to be creepy and spineless. I think a lot of people here are taking this woman's complaint personally which is actual…

Fine, so those who read her blog won't be asking her out on a date, but it shouldn't hold them back from asking out other women who they think might be more receptive to the same approach. This is her personal opinion and personal taste, not a guidebook to women.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#78

Post by tome »

lhorie wrote: post #50
tome wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my opinion she's anything but clear. She doesn't explain, for example, when she gets asked out on a date (is that exactly what she's suggesting these men are doing -- it's again not clear) why can she just not say "no thanks" and leave it at that?

I fail to see how "when we’re at a business networking event, and we exchange cards? Yeah, that’s not me ‘giving you my number’." is not clear. Got the business card, don't call her for a date. It's not rocket science... >> why can she just not say "no thanks" You don't rant when some business contact you just met asks you if you'd like to go hit a gay pub later. You do it after it has happened for the hundredth time…

If it's happened to her hundreds of times in a month, then yes, I'd say that the men she's been meeting are out of tune with reality.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#79

Post by tome »

parfe wrote: post #57
grammaton wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can't speak to what actually happens when she's at one of these events since I'm not there. But given that her whole blog is a coy, disingenuous photo-shoot, I have to say I look askance at this woman in particular. It's not difficult to imagine her interpersonal style being similar. That's where the above comment was coming from.

Here's another site full of photoshoots of the writer. Think he's asking for personal contact if he hands out his business card? http://stallman.org/photos/rms-working/

RMS is not looking particularly sultry in those photos.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#80

Post by etherael »

tptacek wrote: post #67
etherael wrote: post #20

So after examining her site a little more closely, I'm not sure what she actually does? I see vague hand waving towards a facility for schmoozing in some fashion and copious hand waving toward her having very little idea what's going on in her field with a healthy dash of self deprecation thrown in. If all you do is schmooze then is it really so strange that someone might mistake your intent as unrelated to acting as…

I'm not sure what this comment has to do with the article at all. Try to evaluate the idea, and not the author. Whether or not you think women are treated unfairly in the industry (I used to bristle at the idea, then watched my wife interview for jobs and radically changed my take), and whether or not this particular woman endured any real unfairness: It is still worth considering how totally unprofessional and inapp…

I don't think your analogy is a good match, someone selling you dental insurance out of the blue is also considered a nuisance, someone asking if you would like to go out on a date out of the blue is par for the course on normal human relations, and the author admits as much and points out that it is easy to simply refuse in this instance.

I have been propositioned for this kind of thing in a business context and have refused and not had negative blowback from doing so. That was actually the first mental shift I tried to see if it made any more sense to me that way, but it still seemed overblown. I can't think of an invitation that it is socially acceptable to make to a new acquintance that it is not socially acceptable to make to a new potential business contact, admittedly I guess that might be a consequence of the extremely limited array of things I consider to be socially acceptable invitations to new acquaintances.

Just saying no thanks is really not so hard, and if it continues after that point it becomes a hell of a lot less ambiguous or defensible.

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