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Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#181

Post by usaar333 »

hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

I agree with the advice that stepping out of your comfort zone is necessary for personal development. But I also agree that rest (getting back into the comfort zone) is absolutely necessary. Some of my best life experiences were going out of my comfort zone for an hour or so then returning more enlightened. Some of my worst were going out of it for an entire day or week without any time to rest and reflect.

That being said, your points are valid depending on what you are used to. The social event where you know no one is a natural step after you learn to mingle with strangers alongside friends; if you haven't done that at least, the event will probably suck.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#182

Post by bg4 »

Tycho wrote: post #152
larrywright wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you're putting an unnecessarily negative spin on these things, and perhaps taking them more literally than they're intended. Here's my take: 1. "love thy neighbor" - Don't waste time hating people. Forgive and forget. 2. "don't be selfish" - Put others before yourself. Anyone who has been in a relationship will tell you this is a good idea, but it applies elsewhere as well. If you manage people at your job, p…

I don't think I'm taking things too literally, although obviously I'm focusing on the negative impact, as per the original question. 1. Sorry, but the verse isn't 'try to get along with thy neighbour' or 'tolerate thy neighbour' it's love thy neighbour. I'm all for amicable and polite relations with people/strangers, but as far as i can tell the teaching really aspires to a sort of 'what would Jesus do?' level of car…

1. Start with empathy and compassion and go from there.

2. The rising tide lifts all boats.

3. "Rosebud"

4. Mercy leads to dysfunctional relationships and communities? I'd hate to forget to return a library book in your town... ;)

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#183

Post by kriru »

olalonde wrote: post #168
jdietrich wrote: post #157

Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life. They have absolutely nothing to teach you. This is strong stuff, granted, but I think it is tremendously important. Every single piece of bad advice I have ever received was from someone who didn't like their life. If you're unhappy, you have two basic options. You can do something to make yours…

> Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life. Out of curiosity, are you happy with your life? :)

lmao

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#184

Post by alexgartrell »

Jach wrote: post #59

I'm not exactly sure how to word it, and I'm not aware of a single source who advised me on it, but it seems like there's a pervasive feeling in society that "If I want to learn something, I need a teacher." I outgrew this mental model around 14, and now in college I feel so much further ahead of many of my peers who are lucky to have taken a HS programming course once before choosing a programming degree. I wish I h…

There's a big difference between and teacher and an advisor. Teachers are absolutely a dime a dozen, and the capable student can teach themselves anything a teacher might. However, my research advisor (and more informal "advisors" who I've come across in open source contribution, TAing, etc.) have been absolutely invaluable. You can absolutely teach yourself to program, but you'll never be heads and shoulders above the rest without seeking out people who really know what they're talking about and absorbing the best they have to offer.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#185

Post by kadavy »

"You should buy a house - it's the best investment you can make!" This was the advice I was given countless times when I lived in Nebraska in the early 00's, at my first job out of college. Thank God I didn't listen.

It just didn't make any sense: I was 23 years old, had plenty of talent, and could't wait to get out of Nebraska, but I was supposed to buy a house? I couldn't think of a worse way to spend my money, time, and freedom.

Instead of spending my evenings fixing up my "house," I was blogging and learning to code. Instead of spending my money on a mortgage and property taxes, I bought GOOG & AAPL.

After a few years, a startup in Silicon Valley found me, liked my blog, and moved me out to California. Once I was done working for other people, I had enough of a stock portfolio to fund starting my own business.

If I had followed that advice, I would still be in Nebraska, would owe more than my house would be worth, and would hate my job/life.

"The best investment you can make" is always in yourself.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#186

Post by _delirium »

starkness wrote: post #67
Wilduck wrote: post #10

"You're smart." It took me five years of coasting on that presumption before I realized that being "smart" isn't nearly enough. I'm still working (after a few more years) to develop the habits that would have come from hearing "you're a hard worker."

Your experience sums up the research in this article to a tee: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ "Dweck discovered that those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. I am smart, the kids’ reasoning goes; I don’t need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatized—it’s public proof that you can’t cut it on your natural gifts." tl;dr: Praise kids…

To some extent education tries to do that, but imo it's pretty bad when it really does it consistently. The person who spent a lot of hours on a-not-really-working project gets a better grade than the person who actually produced an impressive result, but managed to pull it off the night before and made the mistake of not hiding the fact that they didn't spend a lot of hours on it. That's not actually that uncommon in college, since there's a huge range of ability and prior experience in a typical class, and professors do try to base some of their grade on how earnestly the student appeared to work on it: to save face, they can't give an A to the student who did the whole semester project in a day, even if the result was objectively better than most of the others.

End result of that approach is that the kids learn that hard work matters, but results don't. Now you have someone who'll optimize for "hours put in", worrying more about whether they're impressing the boss with their work ethic than about the quality of the end results they're delivering. Sort of a common feature of corporate culture, where the guy who stays late and comes in weekends is praised, even if the guy who went home at 5pm every day is the one producing most of the working code.

The other lesson you learn from that is: if you solve a major problem in two hours, withhold the result and pretend you spent two weeks working on it, then present it later and get praised for working hard on the problem for two weeks and solving it.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#187

Post by Benjo »

rfrey wrote: post #99
j_baker wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Back up a minute... "Introverts are perfectly capable of overcoming their personality tendencies." The first thing you're assuming is that introverts either want or need to overcome their introversion. There isn't anything wrong with being an introvert. There is something wrong with being an extreme introvert.

The first thing you're assuming is that introverts either want or need to overcome their introversion I certainly did not mean to say that. I don't believe it. What I said was that introverts are capable of overcoming their tendencies. They're tendencies, not fate. The commenter a few levels above said they had a great time at parties; the comment I responded to said that sounded like a shy extrovert. Not so, say I:…

Introverts can increase their tolerance to being social in much the same way you can increase your physical stamina. However, as an introvert, I don't think I could ever train myself to recharge from social situations the way extroverts do.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#188

Post by joelmichael »

jdietrich wrote: post #157

Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life. They have absolutely nothing to teach you. This is strong stuff, granted, but I think it is tremendously important. Every single piece of bad advice I have ever received was from someone who didn't like their life. If you're unhappy, you have two basic options. You can do something to make yours…

I completely and profoundly disagree. Why do you think many great philosophers, intellectuals, and achievers have struggled with depression? Because they made bad decisions? There are plenty of idiots dispensing awful advice while wearing a smile on their face, as well. If you want to feel good, talk to a happy person that will tell you what you want to hear. If you want the truth, talk to a thinker.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#189

Post by paolomaffei »

kriru wrote: post #183
olalonde wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life. Out of curiosity, are you happy with your life? :)

lmao

You might not understand why you are being downvoted since you are new there. Don't take it personally, is just that we don't want any kind of humour or otherwise pointless (as in: adds nothing to the conversation) informations. We are trying to keep the signal to noise ratio high, just say something only when it adds to the conversation and you'll do great!

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#190

Post by conjectures »

jdietrich wrote: post #157

Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life. They have absolutely nothing to teach you. This is strong stuff, granted, but I think it is tremendously important. Every single piece of bad advice I have ever received was from someone who didn't like their life. If you're unhappy, you have two basic options. You can do something to make yours…

" Some believed that good jobs were just inaccessible for 'the likes of us', so there's no point getting you hopes up. Some were so uncertain of their employability that they took the first job offered to them and never dared do anything to jeopardise it. "

This chimes with my personal experience. I suppose the demographic I'm from in the UK gave me certain blind spots and self imposed ceilings. I'm now 25 and only just starting to figure out and balance against them.

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