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Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#51

Post by zaidf »

hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing this makes you look like a fool)

Genuinely curious: are you saying this as a matter or philosophy or did you try this and come out of it feeling foolish and insecure? Or may be both?

I won't down vote you because I think I can relate to both sides of this. There are things I was never into that I got into after a lot of struggles and looking foolish. And there are things that I was never into that I could never feel comfortable with no matter how much I tried.

In either case, until I got out of my comfort zone I could never know what I can and cannot eventually be.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#52

Post by nostrademons »

hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

The idea behind stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you keep doing it until it becomes your new comfort zone. If you're not ready to invest the effort needed to see it through, you shouldn't do it.

Every time I've tried stepping out of my comfort zone "just for the hell of it", it usually ends up being pointless at best and embarrassing at worst. I'm not changed at all, I don't really accomplish anything besides making myself feel uncomfortable, and nothing much comes of it.

But the really big, life-changing events in my life have all come from stepping outside my comfort zone, and staying outside my comfort zone until I became comfortable. Switching school districts for high school. Going away for college. Posting things on the Internet. Rocking the job interview process. Founding a company, and sticking with it until everyone except me had given up. Moving to Silicon Valley.

I feel like this is often misunderstood, that a lot of people step outside their comfort zone simply because that's what they're told to do, and don't follow through with it enough to reap the rewards.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#53

Post by nostrademons »

aaronbrethorst wrote: post #39
hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

Wearing a suit != "[seeming] like a 'good, obedient' employee." I have always really appreciated it when job candidates dress up for their interviews. It makes it seem like they're saying to me 'I know this isn't your dress code, but I want to put my best foot forward and make sure you know I take this interaction seriously.' Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing…

I have heard that certain mid-size to large technology companies in Silicon Valley actually ding people on "culture fit" if they wear a suit to the interview. This was actually one of those pieces of advice my mom gave me that turned out to be bad advice.

Instead, I'd suggest "Know the culture that you're entering, respect it, and do your best to adhere to it."

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#55

Post by ora600 »

"You should be a DBA, its a good career for a woman".

Even though DBAs have more flexible hours, I wouldn't recommend a job with a pager to my worse enemies.

10 years later and I'm still trying to come up with a good way to get rid of it.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#56

Post by ericb »

ses wrote: post #38
ericb wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an opposing viewpoint, every major advance in my life has come from stepping outside of my comfort zone and tackling something in which I had no idea what I was doing. -public speaking -asking women out -learning to dance -socializing/making friends -lifting weights -starting a business -doing sales work -learning to program edit: The vast majority of these made me very uncomfortable and awkard, not "a little".

I couldn't agree more with the sentiment that - often - stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to good things. However there has to be some reason you want to do it, despite it making you uncomfortable. Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve. I made myself go back to university when my first experience was not successful, I'm now on track for a g…

> Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve.

I view my "self" as fluid, and whatever I want me to be.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#57

Post by [deleted] »

ses wrote: post #38
ericb wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an opposing viewpoint, every major advance in my life has come from stepping outside of my comfort zone and tackling something in which I had no idea what I was doing. -public speaking -asking women out -learning to dance -socializing/making friends -lifting weights -starting a business -doing sales work -learning to program edit: The vast majority of these made me very uncomfortable and awkard, not "a little".

I couldn't agree more with the sentiment that - often - stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to good things. However there has to be some reason you want to do it, despite it making you uncomfortable. Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve. I made myself go back to university when my first experience was not successful, I'm now on track for a g…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#58

Post by nostrademons »

johnrob wrote: post #48
delano wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Starting early is not a requisite for success. I started programming when I was 19 or 20 (not that I'm necessarily a successful founder but I have found some measure of success during my IT career). Your knowledge in various domains likely helps you in ways that aren't immediately apparent. (Team sports, for example, are great for health but also for social skills.)

Starting early certainly isn't a requisite, but it can be a pretty big advantage in most fields.

The big advantage is that you can get to your mid-20s with 10 years of experience and lots of practice, and then be mentally ready without having the commitments of a house, wife, kids, mortgage, etc. tying you down. You can get those same advantages by delaying dating & childbirth until later in life, although then you sacrifice in that your kids may never know their grandparents.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#59

Post by Jach »

I'm not exactly sure how to word it, and I'm not aware of a single source who advised me on it, but it seems like there's a pervasive feeling in society that "If I want to learn something, I need a teacher." I outgrew this mental model around 14, and now in college I feel so much further ahead of many of my peers who are lucky to have taken a HS programming course once before choosing a programming degree. I wish I had outgrown it much earlier, I feel like there was a lot of lost potential in my earlier years that I wasted because I had no interest in teaching myself things. Who knows how devastating this "cultural advice(?)" is to people who still haven't outgrown it.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#60

Post by seltzered »

delano wrote: post #49
jiganti wrote: post #20

You're special.

That was advice?

Not quite advice, but was a running theme of what many millenial-generation kids were told in the US (think "Mr. Rogers" era).

Many argue it's made use seem overly demanding to others, particularly bosses.

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