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Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#161
post #59

I'm not exactly sure how to word it, and I'm not aware of a single source who advised me on it, but it seems like there's a pervasive feeling in society that "If I want to learn something, I need a teacher." I outgrew this mental model around 14, and now in college I feel so much further ahead of many of my peers who are lucky to have taken a HS programming course once before choosing a programming degree. I wish I h…

The truth isn't that you don't need a teacher. You may be able to learn everything from a book or solitary practice, like yourself. But others probably can do that sometimes, may sometimes need a teacher, may sometimes need to discuss with peers, etc. And I don't mean that some people are visual learners, or readers, etc. I mean that people learn different topics in different ways, on different days, with different contexts, etc.

I think the cultural norm should be that if one way of learning isn't working for you, try another way. Practice, read it yourself, ask a friend for help, get a tutor, whatever you need.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#163
post #59

I'm not exactly sure how to word it, and I'm not aware of a single source who advised me on it, but it seems like there's a pervasive feeling in society that "If I want to learn something, I need a teacher." I outgrew this mental model around 14, and now in college I feel so much further ahead of many of my peers who are lucky to have taken a HS programming course once before choosing a programming degree. I wish I h…

True, being able to teach yourself is a hugely valuable skill. But I think you also shouldn't underestimate the value of a mentor (as in someone to guide your self teaching) - I've been teaching myself guitar for years and finally got around to getting some lessons. It's been an eye opener seeing the obvious things I missed by just relying on myself.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#164
post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're trolling this post with spectacularly bad advice about bad advice, well done. If you truly believe that, you have a very cynical worldview. I am quite introverted but whenever I force myself to go to a social event where I don't know anyone and make friends, I always have a great time and meet awesome people, and it invariably goes better than I thought it would. If you just assume the people there WANT to…

> If you just assume the people there WANT to be your friend, you don't look needy and your extroverted side comes out, and you can still be yourself. Sadly, I believe most introverts are pretty selfish - worrying what other people think of them when, in reality, most everyone is not thinking of them - and may not even notice them. Another thing about Introverts - with most extroverts, it is fairly easy to figure out…

>>I believe most introverts are pretty selfish - worrying what other people think of them

WTF? :-)

Did that come out wrong? Are you a non-native English speaker and don't know the word "selfish"?

That kind of worrying is normal insecurity. If you up the ante with e.g. unusual clothes, non-introvert people wills start worrying like that too. Introverts just start doing it at a lower threshold.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#165
Bad advice can't mess up your life. Taking action on bad advice can mess up your life, but the advice itself can't do anything. I can't think of any examples of situations where I took particularly bad advice, but if I did, it is totally on me.

From that perspective; that I am in control and making the decisions in my life... I can't really say that any of the decisions that I have made have 'messed up' my life.

Whatever I've done, it clearly seemed like a good idea at the time. I probably couldn't have made the decision any differently.

(I find this kind of an interesting paradox, as my agency with regard to one thing, bad advice, implies my lack of agency with regard to my own bad decisions).

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#166

Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life. They have absolutely nothing to teach you. This is strong stuff, granted, but I think it is tremendously important. Every single piece of bad advice I have ever received was from someone who didn't like their life. If you're unhappy, you have two basic options. You can do something to make yours…

I buy the implication one way, but not the other.

>>When seeking advice, ignore status, intelligence and experience. Seek out the happy people, they're the only people who can help you.

That argument needs that I would become happy following the same path as the person giving advice. That is just not true for quite a few happy people I know.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#168

Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life. They have absolutely nothing to teach you. This is strong stuff, granted, but I think it is tremendously important. Every single piece of bad advice I have ever received was from someone who didn't like their life. If you're unhappy, you have two basic options. You can do something to make yours…

> Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life.

Out of curiosity, are you happy with your life? :)

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#170

Never, never, not in a million years, listen to a single word of advice uttered by someone who isn't happy with their life. They have absolutely nothing to teach you. This is strong stuff, granted, but I think it is tremendously important. Every single piece of bad advice I have ever received was from someone who didn't like their life. If you're unhappy, you have two basic options. You can do something to make yours…

I've gotten some great advice from folks who were not happy but were working like crazy to make their lives better. Your mileage may of course vary.
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