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Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#61

Post by nostrademons »

mduvall wrote: post #2

Everybody in college pretends to be not working hard as they like to admit, thus the advice that comes from colleagues along the lines of "don't do the homework, it's really a waste of time" when everybody is actually doing it, could screw you over. It didn't mess up my life per se, but definitely had an impact on my grades when I was a naive freshman.

It's funny, all the advice I had from upperclassmen when I started college was "do your homework and go to class", and I did neither, and I don't regret it at all. Yes, it hurt my grades. However, I've found that my grades haven't mattered at all.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#62

Post by Tichy »

Jach wrote: post #47
Tichy wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because suddenly you are too old.

Not buying it, old people get married all the time and some even adopt kids. But I'm in the camp that thinks one should wait for marriage and kids, not horribly long, but wait, so don't listen to me. :) I know a lot of people in Utah who got married way too soon and suffered for it.

I wouldn't advise to marry and have children age 18. But I just had my first child and I am 38, wish I was younger. If my son had children at the same age I do, I would be 76. Will I still be a fit and healthy grandfather by then? Also, how fit will I be age 50, to play soccer with my boy?

Better late than never, though - I am certainly happy.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#63

Post by bstar »

Without a doubt, I would say all advice on my college education. The first bad advice I got was that I absolutely needed to go to a small school that would give me more personal time in the classroom. This ended up stressing me greatly in school... I wouldn't find out until long after I graduated that I excel greatly in environments that require me to investigate and learn on my own with some guidance.

The other poor advice was that county college is only for loosers. My advisors and teachers impressed this on me bigtime. In retrospect, county college would have been awesome to buy me a year or so until I was able to maturely handle a challenging curriculum. I needed some time to learn how to learn and gain some confidence in my ability to learn.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#64

Post by run4yourlives »

Tichy wrote: post #34
nostromo wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why are "wait for marriage" and "wait for kids" bad advice?

Because suddenly you are too old.

As a father, I'd say that being "too old" for kids is probably a good thing, because it means they weren't high enough on your priority list for you to do a good job at anyway.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#65

Post by j_baker »

il wrote: post #30
hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

If you're trolling this post with spectacularly bad advice about bad advice, well done. If you truly believe that, you have a very cynical worldview. I am quite introverted but whenever I force myself to go to a social event where I don't know anyone and make friends, I always have a great time and meet awesome people, and it invariably goes better than I thought it would. If you just assume the people there WANT to…

I think the grandparent's point is that you shouldn't force yourself to be an extravert no matter what extraverts tell you. Yeah, it's good to engage your extraverted side, but there's a big difference between that and actually becoming an extravert.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#67

Post by starkness »

Wilduck wrote: post #10

"You're smart." It took me five years of coasting on that presumption before I realized that being "smart" isn't nearly enough. I'm still working (after a few more years) to develop the habits that would have come from hearing "you're a hard worker."

Your experience sums up the research in this article to a tee: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

"Dweck discovered that those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. I am smart, the kids’ reasoning goes; I don’t need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatized—it’s public proof that you can’t cut it on your natural gifts."

tl;dr: Praise kids for their hard work, not for being smart.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#68

Post by benreyes »

seltzered wrote: post #60
delano wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That was advice?

Not quite advice, but was a running theme of what many millenial-generation kids were told in the US (think "Mr. Rogers" era). Many argue it's made use seem overly demanding to others, particularly bosses.

Though I think some of the thinking given to millenial-generation kids in making them think that they can be what ever they want to be for example an astronaut, is still useful. It's just most people forget about it or give up on that thinking.

The naivety in thinking that you could become an astronaut or something special will probably mean you are more likely to reach your goal or at least go further than other people. I guess if you believe you have the ability to change the world, you probably will.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#69

Post by TotlolRon »

Things along these lines:

As long as you've made something that a few users are ecstatic about, you're on the right track. ... It may take a while, but as long as you keep plugging away, you'll win in the end.

That's not realllllllly how it works in the valley.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#70

Post by j_baker »

nostrademons wrote: post #52
hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

The idea behind stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you keep doing it until it becomes your new comfort zone. If you're not ready to invest the effort needed to see it through, you shouldn't do it. Every time I've tried stepping out of my comfort zone "just for the hell of it", it usually ends up being pointless at best and embarrassing at worst. I'm not changed at all, I don't really accomplish anything be…

"The idea behind stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you keep doing it until it becomes your new comfort zone."

No it isn't. The point of stepping outside your comfort zone is to see if it really does belong outside your comfort zone. Stepping outside your comfort zone and demanding that that be the new way, results be damned, is just as foolish as never stepping outside your comfort zone. Not everything outside your comfort zone is good and usually the only way to determine what is and isn't good is to jump in and try it out.

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