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Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#41

Post by delano »

johnrob wrote: post #32

It didn't mess up my life, but when I was in high school the conventional wisdom was that being well rounded helped you get into good colleges. I spent a lot of time playing team sports and the saxophone; neither of those are hobbies of mine today. I wish I had spent some of that time doing something that would still be relevant to me today, like programming (there are a LOT of successful founders that started progra…

Starting early is not a requisite for success. I started programming when I was 19 or 20 (not that I'm necessarily a successful founder but I have found some measure of success during my IT career).

Your knowledge in various domains likely helps you in ways that aren't immediately apparent. (Team sports, for example, are great for health but also for social skills.)

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#42

Post by RyanMcGreal »

hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

Public speaking is way outside my comfort zone. I have absolutely dreaded it ever since I had to do presentations in school. At the same time, it's really important to me to able to do it, so I accept every opportunity for public speaking that I can.

After several experiences delivering talks or sitting on panel discussions, I've gotten a lot more comfortable - and progressively better (I truly feel sorry for the people who had to sit through my first few times).

I'm still not great at it, but the thought of speaking no longer grips me with panic. The last couple of times I even found myself enjoying it - and feeling a positive response from my audience.

I'm reminded of an essay by Derek Sivers that was posted to HN last year: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1434064

> After 15 years of practice, and about 1000 live shows, I was finally a very good singer, at least by my own standards. (You can judge for yourself at sivers.org/music. Old stuff at the bottom. New stuff at the top.)

> Someone who heard me for the first time then said, “Singing is a gift you're either born with or you're not. You're lucky. You were born with it!”

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#43

Post by hasenj »

aaronbrethorst wrote: post #39
hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

Wearing a suit != "[seeming] like a 'good, obedient' employee." I have always really appreciated it when job candidates dress up for their interviews. It makes it seem like they're saying to me 'I know this isn't your dress code, but I want to put my best foot forward and make sure you know I take this interaction seriously.' Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing…

> As a corollary, I imagine you'd also suggest never moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, right?

I don't see that as a corollary (a city is not a social event). But for me personally, that's right, I wouldn't do that unless I had an extroverted friend or family moving with me, or I had something specific to do (job, study, etc). Although I wouldn't necessarily suggest that to other people; this is just me, and each to his own.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#44

Post by run4yourlives »

hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

I think you missed the point of this advice. Stepping out of your comfort zone is designed to allow you to grow as a person, not make you be something you are not.

If you are so introverted that you can't possibly go to an event without making a complete fool out of yourself (a real fool, not just what you think is foolish) you've got a serious issue that is going to put you at a disadvantage in many areas of your life.

There's a huge gap between having faults, recognizing them, accepting them and overcoming them when you choose to and being perfect in every way.

I don't see how completely ignoring your weak points and pretending they aren't relevant to you makes you a better person, however.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#45

Post by silvestrov »

il wrote: post #30
hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

If you're trolling this post with spectacularly bad advice about bad advice, well done. If you truly believe that, you have a very cynical worldview. I am quite introverted but whenever I force myself to go to a social event where I don't know anyone and make friends, I always have a great time and meet awesome people, and it invariably goes better than I thought it would. If you just assume the people there WANT to…

It sounds more like you're a shy extrovert rather than an introvert.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#47

Post by Jach »

Tichy wrote: post #34
nostromo wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why are "wait for marriage" and "wait for kids" bad advice?

Because suddenly you are too old.

Not buying it, old people get married all the time and some even adopt kids. But I'm in the camp that thinks one should wait for marriage and kids, not horribly long, but wait, so don't listen to me. :) I know a lot of people in Utah who got married way too soon and suffered for it.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#48

Post by johnrob »

delano wrote: post #41
johnrob wrote: post #32

It didn't mess up my life, but when I was in high school the conventional wisdom was that being well rounded helped you get into good colleges. I spent a lot of time playing team sports and the saxophone; neither of those are hobbies of mine today. I wish I had spent some of that time doing something that would still be relevant to me today, like programming (there are a LOT of successful founders that started progra…

Starting early is not a requisite for success. I started programming when I was 19 or 20 (not that I'm necessarily a successful founder but I have found some measure of success during my IT career). Your knowledge in various domains likely helps you in ways that aren't immediately apparent. (Team sports, for example, are great for health but also for social skills.)

Starting early certainly isn't a requisite, but it can be a pretty big advantage in most fields.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#50

Post by tommusic »

It's interesting: when I look back on my life so far, I don't feel like my path has been messed up significantly because of any particular piece of advice.

There were times in my life where acting on a particular bit of advice kept me from getting what I wanted. Those were frustrating times. But those times caused me to learn to deal with being frustrated; to stop and reflect on why I was reacting with such emotion.

There were times when the advice that I received was unclear, which made it easy for my motivation-to-follow to falter. I would waste time and not get homework done. Familiarity with a topic would grow more faint and my class performance would show it. And then I started to learn how to best use my time to learn the material. (In small groups, using multiple forms of engagement; reading/writing/speaking/listening)

The advice that, on-balance, seemed least helpful at the time:

* "such-and-such will happen when you least expect it"

* "don't ever give up"

* "don't run with scissors"

But in later reflection these lead me to different conclusions about these same items:

* The advisor understands that you're in pain, but really likes who you are when you're not moping. They're trying to help you get there, but they're not sure how.

* Admitting defeat is OK, and you can change focus (pivot) without stopping (giving up) entirely. This is a loophole. Use it.

* This has always been a good idea. Still is.

The advice I would offer would be to use advice wisely. Don't follow it blindly; reflect often, and be adaptable.

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