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In My Culture

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Re: In My Culture

#21

Post by watwut »

dec0dedab0de wrote: post #9

I like the point of self examination, and not assuming you know others intentions, but I really dislike this sort of phrase reassignment. The one that really bothers me, is when people say "I feel like..." followed by something that is not a feeling. Changing the wording only works when everyone is on board with the reason for doing so.

I am the opposite. I hate when people pretend to talk objectively while actually talking about feelings. For example claiming the code is objectively bad when it is just that they have negative emotional reaction to some difference against how they would do it. Or trying to convince me to do something out of "objective" reasons when they are just stressed or afraid or panicking. Or talk with certainty when situation is not certain at all and they know it. Like, I am willing to accommodate your feelings to some extend, but not when you pretend it is all rational choices.

I feel like..." followed by something that is not a feeling usually just conveys uncertainty or awareness what follows is not fully proven. It is more honest, imo.

Re: In My Culture

#23

Post by dec0dedab0de »

watwut wrote: post #21
dec0dedab0de wrote: post #9

I like the point of self examination, and not assuming you know others intentions, but I really dislike this sort of phrase reassignment. The one that really bothers me, is when people say "I feel like..." followed by something that is not a feeling. Changing the wording only works when everyone is on board with the reason for doing so.

I am the opposite. I hate when people pretend to talk objectively while actually talking about feelings. For example claiming the code is objectively bad when it is just that they have negative emotional reaction to some difference against how they would do it. Or trying to convince me to do something out of "objective" reasons when they are just stressed or afraid or panicking. Or talk with certainty when situation…

I understand what you mean, but in those situations i prefer "it might be better if" or "i think we should."

Re: In My Culture

#24

Post by em-bee »

4bpp wrote: post #10

> …and then they’ll go on to explain something that one might easily mistake for a rule, or a request, or the enforcement of a social norm, but which is actually (as far as I can tell) just a statement about the version of the world they carry around inside their head. The way I understand it, not qualifying these sorts of statements with "in my culture..." is exactly how the cultures in question - as sets of common…

i don't think it surrenders the possibility of creating a shared culture. in order to build a shared culture we must first understand each other, so explaining ones personal culture is useful for that.

also, very often the problem is not an act itself, but the interpretation of it.

if in my culture a thumbs up is a slightly obscene gesture, and i can explain why i feel perplexed every time you give me that sign, and likewise you explain your actual intention, then this enables us to discover that your actual intention in this case is actually welcome by me, and i was just not able to read it. we can then develop a way to communicate that intention that we are both comfortable with.

Re: In My Culture

#25

Post by em-bee »

youeseh wrote: post #6

I like it! :D. It reminds me of the time when the Simpsons visited Australia. That said, I belong to at least two cultures. In one of them being offensive is often punishable. In another, being offended is seen as a sign of weakness and immaturity. When I was younger, I'd often get offended easily - I'd be endlessly frustrated by the things that people whom I considered close had said to me. As I've grown older, I've…

in my culture i am taught to avoid doing anything that might offend others, but also to not take offense at anything that others are doing or saying.

for example, i don't use swearwords in my language, but i'll silently ignore if you use them. (and they don't even make me uncomfortable)

or in tech terms (paraphrased from the SMTP RFC i think): be strict in what you send out, but be tolerant in what you accept.

Re: In My Culture

#26

Post by winton »

It seems from the comments that this article rubs people the wrong way. This article might be getting grouped into a speech police category that is undeserved.

I think the intention of "in my culture" is to allay a fear in the listener. The speaker is worried that there is a strong expectation of change in the listener by stating something as an axiom. The speaker's hope is that the listener will see a possibility instead of a demand.

Some people think it should be obvious that what a person states should never be seen as a demand to conform. Some believe this is a necessary life skill, especially in business.

Some people are interested in finding ways of speaking in a more sensitive way in an era that seems to be embracing sensitivity.

Its interesting to me that both sides can see each other's ways of communicating as an affront, when it is likely not the intent on either side.

Re: In My Culture

#27

Post by [deleted] »

winton wrote: post #26

It seems from the comments that this article rubs people the wrong way. This article might be getting grouped into a speech police category that is undeserved. I think the intention of "in my culture" is to allay a fear in the listener. The speaker is worried that there is a strong expectation of change in the listener by stating something as an axiom. The speaker's hope is that the listener will see a possibility in…

[deleted]

Re: In My Culture

#28

Post by ncmncm »

em-bee wrote: post #25
youeseh wrote: post #6

I like it! :D. It reminds me of the time when the Simpsons visited Australia. That said, I belong to at least two cultures. In one of them being offensive is often punishable. In another, being offended is seen as a sign of weakness and immaturity. When I was younger, I'd often get offended easily - I'd be endlessly frustrated by the things that people whom I considered close had said to me. As I've grown older, I've…

in my culture i am taught to avoid doing anything that might offend others, but also to not take offense at anything that others are doing or saying. for example, i don't use swearwords in my language, but i'll silently ignore if you use them. (and they don't even make me uncomfortable) or in tech terms (paraphrased from the SMTP RFC i think): be strict in what you send out, but be tolerant in what you accept.

That practice in tech has given rise to endless variations of security vulnerabilities. In human terms, it especially accommodates cons.

Good fences make better neighbors.

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