I'm pretty sure reading this you can achieve what you want WITHOUT the divorce =S
Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
41–50 of 65 posts
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#42Try reading the book Never Split the Difference. While it is primarily about negotiation, there is a huge component to listening and empathy.
I think if you try to apply some of what is in the book, you may reconsider this idea of a divorce.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#43Sounds like you need some therapy first.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#44As a full-time tech worker, time management is just as important with your off-hours projects as it is in your 9-5. You can only do so much (time is finite) so it's important to know when to drop a side project when the ROI isn't quite enough (in this case I'm talking about your wife).
Not being able to hack out a project for days straight is simply unhealthy.
Here's my advice: Divorce your wife, and to feel solid in your decision going forward, write "I divorced my wife for this" at the end of the Github README.md for each of your stupid bullshit projects.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#45As a full-time tech worker, time management is just as important with your off-hours projects as it is in your 9-5. You can only do so much (time is finite) so it's important to know when to drop a side project when the ROI isn't quite enough (in this case I'm talking about your wife). Not being able to hack out a project for days straight is simply unhealthy. Here's my advice: Divorce your wife, and to feel solid in…
I see where you are coming from with the snarky reply. That helped a bit actually because the other projects I have released have paid for our life together. I managed to do these a few years ago while she was traveling for work and I was caring for a relative. I need to use my time as productively as possible.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#46Earlier quoted context omitted.
Thank you for taking the time to write this. The thing is she is ok with a divorce too. She has things she wants too. It would be uncontested and I think we just need to file in court. No need for attorneys. Snoring: We have tried everything. Weight loss, exercise, no alcohol. I started wearing ear plugs and a mask. She had a CPAP machine too. She just doesn't stick with any of it. Earning a divorce: I'm not sure how…
Yea, I get she is ok with a divorce right now. But once her friends and family start talking to her they will convince her to talk with an attorney to “protect” her interests. Frankly I would totally encourage you to do so too. Divorce seems so simple on the face of it but I promise it gets complicated fast. My ex and I had everything negotiated too until her mom and a friend got in her ear. We even had what was fair…
I didn't think about this. Thank you for mentioning it.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#47Earlier quoted context omitted.
I love her. I promised "till death do us part" and I feel bad that after all this time I want to do my own thing. I know she will move back home and I may never see her again. She doesn't like to live alone.
Pick an upstairs room to do your work in. Put a big sign on the door that says you may only knock on the door if the house is on fire. When you're ready for a break from working on your project, then open the door. Anyone who ignores the sign gets an immediate "Hey! Can't you read?!!"
Maybe we can put an addition on our house to make it a work space or move the kids to the addition and use their bedroom as my work space. It has an insanely large window and overlooks the lake.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#48Earlier quoted context omitted.
I've thought about if I am being selfish. I'm always doing house work, running errands, running out to pick up dry cleaning, etc. I also make all the meals and general cleaning it up afterwards. So perhaps I'm being selfish emotionally.
Well, on one level, you're not. If you're doing house work, cooking, and cleaning up, you're doing better than many of us. And yet, the way you speak about your marriage (and your reasons for wanting a divorce) still strike me as fundamentally selfish. Perhaps emotionally selfish, or perhaps that you're thinking about your marriage from a fundamentally selfish perspective. I'm having a bit of trouble putting into wor…
I don't view it as selfish. Maybe I need to think that way for a change.
I view it as growth. Ensuring if I need to find a job I can. Putting out the next game that keeps food on the table (so to speak, we aren't in any danger of that). Plus, she goes out with friends and shopping. It's sort of her outlet. Mine happens to be the coding for making a living and ironically an outlet.
If you think of more words, write them, as you said you are having trouble with exact words.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#49Try reading the book Never Split the Difference. While it is primarily about negotiation, there is a huge component to listening and empathy. I think if you try to apply some of what is in the book, you may reconsider this idea of a divorce.
Thank you. Ordered. Next day.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#50This passion will fade one day and you will have nothing but regrets. Sorry but this is the truth.
I think about this too. Is this a temporary feeling?
My wife read your comment and said "I don't know if your dedication would fade."
She remembers when we were first together and I was selling my software off to a company. I had only been in Silicon Valley for 2 weeks when we met. I hadn't ever had a Starbucks and for some reason I walked by one and stopped in....what a cute Barista.
Thank you. I think I need to really consider where I am at in life and if there is a way to satisfy us both.