The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting • Hacker News Board

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#101

Post by telchar » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:29 PM UTC

throwaway713 wrote: post #53

I think over-parenting can be disastrous, particularly emotionally. I had what you might call a "strict" father (mother passed away when I was young), but he was never a helicopter parent. My sister and I were always expected to do things well, but we were never handheld along the way. I finished second in my high school class, and everyone always seemed so surprised when I told them that I never had any help with ho…

There's a significant gulf between "I'll take care of it" and "figure it out yourself". I'm not really disagreeing with anything here, to be clear. But I think there's a place for useful instruction too.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#102

Post by Aeolun » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:30 PM UTC

pastor_elm wrote: post #89

ideonexus wrote: post #5

I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…

a gifted program only prepares them for being coddled.

Not necessarily, it may just prevent them from being bored. Though I’m prepared to think that’s less likely if the parents did the application.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#103

Post by telchar » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:34 PM UTC

darkerside wrote: post #81

kingraoul3 wrote: post #54

“Intensive parenting is a way for especially affluent white mothers to make sure their children are maintaining their advantaged position in society,” said Jessica Calarco, a sociologist at Indiana University and author of “Negotiating Opportunities: How the Middle Class Secures Advantages in School.” I guess especially affluent mother of color don't do this? NYT conflating race and class to divide people again.

Yeah, that's upsetting. If I were paranoid, I'd consider whether it were intentional brainwashing designed to perpetuate the superiority of the white race. Of course, I'm not paranoid, so I don't think it's intentional at all. But, I do think it may have that unintended effect.

I think it's become a meme, something many writers use without considering whether both affluence AND race are significant in a given situation. They often are and so I suspect some people use them together without thinking in situations when they're not.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#104

Post by pbhjpbhj » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:35 PM UTC

lewis500 wrote: post #62

Looking back on my own childhood, I'm skeptical how much anything alleged to "enrich" the children actually made a difference. I recall most of all piano lessons. When I was a kid, every kid had to learn piano. Today, no adult I know ever plays piano; they forgot how because they don't like it and no one wants to hear it because it's boring. I know one serious professional musician. He taught himself guitar for our h…

I didn't start piano until I was about 13, which I gather is relatively late (my parents thought I wouldn't want to go, I was a naughty child; mainly because I was bullied, but that's a different story). The piano was an absolute lifeline for me as a teenager, for catharsis primarily.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#105

Post by pbhjpbhj » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:37 PM UTC

kazinator wrote: post #41

If the motivation is economic anxiety, then forget piano and soccer practice; enroll the five-year-old in something directly related to making and managing money. I'm only half kidding.

STEM club?

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#106

Post by pnw_hazor » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:39 PM UTC

"The new trappings of intensive parenting are largely fixtures of white, upper-middle-class American culture, but researchers say the expectations have permeated all corners of society, whether or not parents can achieve them."

We raised two girls in the Pacific Northwest of USA. Many of the families participating in same extra activities as us (e.g, gymnastics, figure skating, dance, ballet, gifted programs, swimming, SAT training) were immigrant families.

We spent a lot of money but the result was worth it and the ride was fun as hell. However, I was raised free-range in a poor single-parent household and that worked out too.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#107

Post by theoh » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:41 PM UTC

ideonexus wrote: post #5

I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…

You shouldn't be worrying about future possible criticism. Claiming that, as parents, you are persecuted is not a good look, because parents aren't exactly an oppressed minority.

Also this: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/mille...

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#108

Post by 51lver » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:42 PM UTC

jefurii wrote: post #69

choombak wrote: post #9

I believe it is no business of the Government to dictate how we bring up children. Period.

I believe it is no business of corporations to dictate how we bring up children. Period.

Parents should smoke, kids need sugar, toys bring kids happiness and parents peace.... Lies by thieves.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#109

Post by skookumchuck » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:46 PM UTC

I've often wondered if a contributing factor to teen suicides is the parents' effort to remove all hint of failure from their kids' lives. This is possible when they're young, you can do the "everyone's a winner!" thing and it works.

But the kids fail to learn to cope with failure in the small things, and by the time they're a teen the parents can no longer protect them from the consequences of failing. They have learned no coping skills, and cannot handle it.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#110

Post by wonderwonder » Mon, Jan 07, 2019, 11:46 PM UTC

GreeniFi wrote: post #46

Diederich wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

May I ask: where and when did you grow up? Thanks. I grew up not too far from south-central Los Angeles, California, in the 1970s and early 1980s, and was shot at on two occasions by gangs. Raised by my grandparents, I was a full 'free-range' child. Thanks for your reply.

Southern Africa (although not South Africa). Just before the end of apartheid, everyone was gearing up for a fight and everyone was pretty angry. Two men talked the region off a precipice, Nelson Mandela, literally a prince of peace (he was a prince). And secondly Desmond Tutu. And maybe the humanity of young men like those we encountered, who could just as well shot us. It happened elsewhere and at other times.

I knew you were going to say South / Southern Africa before I even read your answer. Just the way you described the scenario told me where you were from. Glad everything turned out well for you.