If the motivation is economic anxiety, then forget piano and soccer practice; enroll the five-year-old in something directly related to making and managing money. I'm only half kidding.
The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
41–50 of 167 posts
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#42Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#43I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…
Counterpoint: There's definitely an argument for letting kids figure some things out on their own. Giving them autonomy helps them mature faster in a number of ways. If your life is micro managed down to the minute you won't learn the self discipline to do things without an authority figure looming over you. Learning to solve disputes amicably between each other without requiring an authority figure is very important…
> Learning to solve disputes amicably between each other without requiring an authority figure is very important and helps kids make friends.
Yes yes yes. When you fix everything for them, all they learn is "go talk to whoever is in power when I have a problem." They don't learn proper boundaries, how to negotiate, etc.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#44I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…
Speaking as an over parented child I had a rough time self correcting in college. I have a brain that’s literally hardwired for anxiety and autonomy has driven many of my life decisions.
As a new parent I plan to provide a healthy balance between experiences/activities and boredom/self direction.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#45Earlier quoted context omitted.
Out of curiosity, where was this?
South London :-) [Edit: just joking, see response above]
Response above does not really give an answer as to where. And I could have sort of have believed South London except that I was under the impression that AK-47s are not very prevalent there. :) I was thinking Yugoslavia, some conflict corner of Africa or such things. But could see Detroit too...
edit: found your answer.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#46I had a so-called free-range childhood. It’s impossible, as only one data point, for me to extrapolate its impact and given the diversity of “free-range” I suspect it’s pretty difficult to link to definitive characteristic traits. That said I do observe certain differences in my character to those of friends who were factory farmed: greater emotional resilience, (despite) greater emotional volatility, worse table man…
May I ask: where and when did you grow up? Thanks. I grew up not too far from south-central Los Angeles, California, in the 1970s and early 1980s, and was shot at on two occasions by gangs. Raised by my grandparents, I was a full 'free-range' child. Thanks for your reply.
Southern Africa (although not South Africa). Just before the end of apartheid, everyone was gearing up for a fight and everyone was pretty angry. Two men talked the region off a precipice, Nelson Mandela, literally a prince of peace (he was a prince). And secondly Desmond Tutu. And maybe the humanity of young men like those we encountered, who could just as well shot us. It happened elsewhere and at other times.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#47It seems the pendulum is starting to swing back as we see the unintended consequences of over parenting. Especially bulldozer parenting. Check out the book, "The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure" for a deep dive into this. I think it's helpful to look at it this way: The job of a parent is to put themselves out of a job.
Are you a parent? You're never out of a job :). I'm 58, my parents are in their 80's, and my daughters are in their 20's, so my opinion in this matter is somewhat informed.
My wife and I are in our early 50s, and we have one teenage son. Her parents are dead, and mine are in their mid 70s, though my parents had no hand in raising me, my dad's parents did. They are both long passed.
> my opinion in this matter is somewhat informed.
Good deal...and so is mine.
> > The job of a parent is to put themselves out of a job.
> Are you a parent? You're never out of a job :).
Context matters. You and the person you're replying to are talking about different things, and if you didn't realize that, I'd be fairly surprised, given your experience.
The person you're replying to is talking (roughly) about getting their children on their feet and self supporting. You're talking about other kinds of support.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#48I had a so-called free-range childhood. It’s impossible, as only one data point, for me to extrapolate its impact and given the diversity of “free-range” I suspect it’s pretty difficult to link to definitive characteristic traits. That said I do observe certain differences in my character to those of friends who were factory farmed: greater emotional resilience, (despite) greater emotional volatility, worse table man…
May I ask: where and when did you grow up? Thanks. I grew up not too far from south-central Los Angeles, California, in the 1970s and early 1980s, and was shot at on two occasions by gangs. Raised by my grandparents, I was a full 'free-range' child. Thanks for your reply.
Do you got the impression they were out to get you, or were you caught in cross fire, or was it more of a "get the fuck away" kind of shooting? Just curious on someone who was there to live it. I just viewed it through the lens of MacGyver episodes from a great distance. :-)
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#49Earlier quoted context omitted.
Are you a parent? You're never out of a job :). I'm 58, my parents are in their 80's, and my daughters are in their 20's, so my opinion in this matter is somewhat informed.
Sure there are aspects of parenting that continue forever, but I’m sure glad my wife and I are both out of the “diaper changing” job. There are hundreds of other parenting “jobs” to work oneself out of, by teaching your kids to manage the world, confidently, by themselves. I think the larger point may be that some so-called “helicopter parents” might never work towards this, to the detriment of their children’s menta…
Well said, thank you.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#50I had a so-called free-range childhood. It’s impossible, as only one data point, for me to extrapolate its impact and given the diversity of “free-range” I suspect it’s pretty difficult to link to definitive characteristic traits. That said I do observe certain differences in my character to those of friends who were factory farmed: greater emotional resilience, (despite) greater emotional volatility, worse table man…
Out of curiosity, where was this?
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