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Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

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Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#111

Post by petercooper »

swombat wrote: post #30

Life is hard, let's go shopping. Oh wait. Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh. I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the brig…

It's hard to compare life to life but I was in a similar funk some years back and found going to a therapist very useful and uplifting. It wasn't a "psychotherapist" and I was never prescribed any drugs, but just being able to spill and self rationalize everything I was thinking verbally with a neutral party really turned my thought processes around. Therapy is rarely a solution, but it can be a great catalyst and a way to find out which direction to head off in.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#112

Post by petercooper »

citricsquid wrote: post #55
raquo wrote: post #48

First, please stop labeling yourself as an introvert/failure/whatever. It will do you good. Being an introvert is first and foremost the ability to extract energy from what you're doing rather than needing an audience to survive. It does not mean, however, that you should not talk to people just because you don't feel like talking. Everyone needs at least a couple friends to talk to. By only talking to yourself, it's…

The point regarding introverts is very important. I am probably the most shy person you could ever meet, I can't look people in the eye when talking or hold conversation, but I don't see myself as an introvert. Introverts are people who don't want or need others, think of the most famous and well liked person ever and they could easily be an introvert, how you carry yourself or act around others is unrelated to intro…

Just wanted to give you a strong seconding. I'm most certainly an introvert, I could easily spend (and enjoy) months alone with my work and hobbies, yet I'm not shy at all and go out of my way to speak at events and meet people to benefit my work. It takes all types..

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#113

Post by raganwald »

eof wrote: post #110
raganwald wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hate to "Appeal to Authority," so instead of questioning your qualification to state that this is exactly the type of advice this kid needs, I'll simply ask: What is the basis for your claim that "likely this is exactly the type of advice this kid needs"?

He is Indian, and therefore probably comes from a very close knit circle that has been largely controlled by people other than himself, and thus, doesn't see himself as the man he really is; and therein lies the 'problem.'

Your argument works from extremely scant evidence and weaves in generalizations. Given how little we have to go on, you may have done an excellent job guessing the most likely circumstances for him. However, it is unnecessary to guess at his circumstances, since a professional could simply ask him. Also, you go from a guess as to his circumstances to a diagnosis of his problem.

I don't see the connection, and even if there was a clearly articulated connection, it would again be guesswork. Unnecessary again since a professional could simply ask him the right questions and diagnose rather than make the best guess given insufficient evidence to have confidence in the answer.

I'm sure you can guess what I have to say about the right therapy for him. It is not necessary to prescribe a "likely" course of action based on a diagnosis based on scant evidence. Even if your chain of reasoning follows the most likely path from evidence to prescriptive, there is no need to work at low levels of confidence.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#114

Post by sn »

Speaking from personal experience:

1. Seriously consider getting your own place or room. At minimum find somewhere you can go to be by yourself and not worried about being judged.

2. In the US (don't know about India) grades mostly only matter when you're first out of college. For a bachelors I think good internships can partially make up for it.

3. Take fewer classes at a time and you will have more time to learn and succeed.

4. Maybe consider starting / joining a study group for your classes. You get some socialization and there is a clear topic for discussion.

5. Along those lines also consider joining clubs for any interests you have. Again, already having a shared interest means you don't have to fish as much for something to talk about.

6.Failures fade as time goes on. My guess, though not knowing the culture, is that nobody is likely to bring up the F you had 10 years after you graduate.

7. Your life can change a lot after you graduate. Moving somewhere completely new can give you a completely fresh start -- that's what I did. Perhaps go as far as starting with all new possessions.

8. This is conjecture and something I am going to try myself, but break down big tasks into short tasks you can complete in a couple hours (perhaps answering 2 homework problems.) Write down your successes in a book. It will add up over time.

9. Given finite energy and time, I would spend more time on the classes for now. The classes will go away before people do.

10. Lower risk relationships, such as people who you could simply never see again if something bad happens, may be easier to deal with.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#116

Post by sabat »

Moniker wrote: post #109

Let's be scientific about this. Studies have shown that cognitive-behavioral therapy is a great treatment for depression and anxiety. But don't take my word for it - here's an excerpt from a class at Yale taught by the psychologist Paul Bloom, which can be found here ( http://oyc.yale.edu/yale/psychology/introduction-to-psycholo... ): "In turn, there is a cognitive behavioral therapy that's based on Beck's theory. An…

I suggested David Burns' book (Feeling Good)for just the reasons you're stating. CBT treats the symptoms more than the root causes, but from what I can figure, he's in crisis and needs to work on the symptoms first. This is good advice you've given, and should be voted up much higher.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#117

Post by jozo »

petercooper wrote: post #111
swombat wrote: post #30

Life is hard, let's go shopping. Oh wait. Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh. I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the brig…

It's hard to compare life to life but I was in a similar funk some years back and found going to a therapist very useful and uplifting. It wasn't a "psychotherapist" and I was never prescribed any drugs, but just being able to spill and self rationalize everything I was thinking verbally with a neutral party really turned my thought processes around. Therapy is rarely a solution, but it can be a great catalyst and a…

I've also gone to counseling and thought it was great. Tough situations affect people and makes it hard to think rational. All the social stigma is pretty much bullshit. People need to swallow some of their irrational pride and focus on what's important i.e. getting better.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#118

Post by dennisgorelik »

SkyMarshal wrote: post #89
swombat wrote: post #30

Life is hard, let's go shopping. Oh wait. Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh. I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the brig…

I would suggest being careful with this kind of response. It's the kind of thing you can tell a close friend face-to-face and it might be just the kick-in-the-pants they need to get them going again. But saying it to some completely anonymous person on the Internet may be more likely to backfire than to help in the manner you intend. There are also potential cultural differences to keep in mind as well. Brits and Ame…

Do you have a better answer to the original question? Does that answer have any actionable points?

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#119

Post by dennisgorelik »

frossie wrote: post #41
swombat wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know some clinically depressed people. This post shows no signs of it.

I know some clinically depressed people. This post shows no signs of it. All forms of metal illness and disfunction look the same? C'mon people, this is the kind of post where if you don't have something positive to say, it is best to move on to the next submission. Even if you believe that "tough love" is called for, I doubt it works coming from strangers.

Do you imply that all answers must be positive?

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#120

Post by GeneralMaximus »

zaph0d wrote: post #42

I have been through the same phase. Let me give you some tips - * Immerse yourself in programming. You have no idea how much satisfaction you can get out of it. * Read. Read. Read. Start reading things. Read your CS books, non-fiction, etc. Read as much as you can. * Get active in some sort of Free/Open Source Software community. Pick a project you like and start contributing. Always good to have a goal (I will fix/f…

... and #hackers-india on OFTC (irc.oftc.net). Most of the regulars are in the same situation as you: young twenty-somethings stuck in no-name colleges.

EDIT: drop me an email if you're in/around New Delhi. There are a bunch of Python hackers in this city. Email is in my profile.

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