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How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

nytimes.com

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Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#121

Post by harrumph »

black-tea wrote: post #100
JackFr wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And I think I'd rather get to know the neighbors over at the adjoining castle than the scum in these neighboring flats. Don’t worry — I’m sure the scum feel pretty much the same about you.

The language might seem harsh to you, but you'd understand it if you'd ever lived with or near such people.

>The language might seem harsh to you, but you'd understand it if you'd ever lived with or near such people.

I understand it perfectly well, I've lived in densely populated cities my whole life. It's a naked display of something called misanthropy and it's a core tenet of an ethos of self-obsession plus empathy absence that persons in technology AND lifelong US suburbanites far, far too often are afflicted with. Zero mystery here.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#122

Post by baursak »

petra wrote: post #119
baursak wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did he account for a religious population which thinks that suicide is a major sin?

Most israelies aren't really religious, in the sense that religion guide their actions in a meaningful way .

I'd consider 51% to be a significant chunk of the population: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Importance_of_religion_by_coun...

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#123

Post by baursak »

WaltPurvis wrote: post #116
baursak wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did he account for a religious population which thinks that suicide is a major sin?

Israel is one of the least religious countries on earth. A much smaller percentage of Israelis are religious than are Americans or the populace of Muslim nations, and Christianity and Islam also generally consider suicide a sin.

> Israel is one of the least religious countries on earth

Not according to this Gallup poll: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Importance_of_religion_by_coun...

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#124

Post by astura »

tekla wrote: post #95

I find it strange that I have friends, but I'm always feel alone. I live in a huge city, work has good people that are genuine friends outside of work, but I always feel alone. Everyone talks about meetups and conferences, but I find them to be extremely superficial interactions. I also only ever see people outside work for social purposes about once a month or two. I've tried going out more, but nothing really ever…

I think most "friendships" with people you work with feel like this. Try spending time with people you don't work with.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#125

Post by beerlord »

black-tea wrote: post #111

It's possible that what we're witnessing is behavioural sink[0]. It's been observed in other mammals that overcrowding leads to social degradation and eventual total failure of the population. [0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_sink

I suspect this as well. One solution is an immediate reduction in illegal immigration, with better border enforcement and deporting those who are already here. Ending birth citizenship would also reduce incentives to come.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#126

Post by ashleyn »

jgh wrote: post #70
rdl wrote: post #50

The non-PC argument here is that diversity directly opposed to community, and I think there's some truth to it. If everyone in an area has lived there for their entire lives, it doesn't really matter if it's apartment buildings, a small high-density European-style town, or suburbs. If the rate of migration in/out is low enough, newcomers assimilate, assuming the society is welcoming and they interact. There are lots…

> The non-PC argument If you want to have a reasonable discussion about these things, don't front-load your argument with labeling people who disagree with you in such broad, and frankly wrong, strokes.

"Non-PC" is often used as a dogwhistle to bring back white racial communities. I stop reading when such nationalism is even hinted at.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#127

Post by [deleted] »

sgt101 wrote: post #115
fjsolwmv wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The reason your city is so bad is in large epart because the families move away to suburbs. In the burbs, you still get disturbances like constant lawnmowers and leaf blowers, at least in lawn-crazy USA.

Also planning laws - apartments for singles and couples are cheaper to build and higher density than apartments for families. If planning law mandates sufficient accommodation for families the dynamics change.

[deleted]

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#128

Post by Lich »

fjsolwmv wrote: post #96
rubidium wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I live in a Christian community focused on in-common living. Community requires commitment to stick things through. Having a common vision is important. More important is having the commitment to sticking with it, and relationship tools to help keep friendships intact in tough times. Some key tools: -right speech: no gossip, slander, or negative humor -forgiveness: saying I’m sorry when offending or harming someone,…

An what happens when someone violates those principles, especially if the violator is the minister or otherwise powerful?

As he said, forgiveness and reconciliation. Sticking with it. I’m sure there’s limits and it’s often easy to tell when someone is sorry and trying to change versus taking advantage.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#129

Post by wenc »

grawprog wrote: post #60
softwaredoug wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If this is true, I’d expect loneliness to be higher in diverse urban centers and lower in rural areas. Is this the case? Anecdotally I’ve notice the opposite... that diverse urban areas are less lonely and isolating.

Personally, I find life in my culturally diverse city lonelier than when I lived in a small rural town. If only because most people would say hi or smile even if you didn't know them as they walk past you. In the city you tend get glared at or even have people act open hostile as they walk by. People seem to be less open to random conversation or just meeting strangers in general. More people around doesn't always eq…

> If only because most people would say hi or smile even if you didn't know them as they walk past you.

Ooh, this is highly dependent on the city you live in, and the neighborhood you're in. I've visited many/lived in a few cities in the U.S. and Canada, and hi/smiles are actually not that uncommon, especially in the midwest, the south and in Canada.

It depends on the context of course. No one will greet you on a busy street corner, or at rush hour. But if you're walking your dog, at a bus shelter, or casually strolling in a quieter neighborhood with low pedestrian traffic, your chances are higher. It's just human nature.

Also, a great opportunity for human connection is just talking to cashiers, i.e. folks in retail that you come across. Surveys have shown that though these interactions are brief and fleeting, they can do a lot to alleviate loneliness.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#130

Post by tekla »

astura wrote: post #124
tekla wrote: post #95

I find it strange that I have friends, but I'm always feel alone. I live in a huge city, work has good people that are genuine friends outside of work, but I always feel alone. Everyone talks about meetups and conferences, but I find them to be extremely superficial interactions. I also only ever see people outside work for social purposes about once a month or two. I've tried going out more, but nothing really ever…

I think most "friendships" with people you work with feel like this. Try spending time with people you don't work with.

I have friends by the sheer fact that we went to HS together and ended up in the city.

If I didn't have that, I would have no friends at all. How the hell do people make them?

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