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Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

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Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#21

Post by LaGrange »

throw999 wrote: post #4
philiphodgen wrote: post #3

1. Go talk to someone. This is mandatory. Psychologist or psychiatrist. 2. (I don't know if this is applicable or not but) drinking will not help. 3. More people than you can possibly imagine have been where you are. (The noisy "everything is fine" group has a large subset of liars and people suffering -- like you -- are silent. Skewed sample set). 4. It will not always be thus. The tide goes out, the tide comes in.…

Consulting pyschologists has a social stigma attached in a country where I live. I also dont drink

In mine too -- possibly not as great as yours, but there's quite a lot of people, even in theoretically well-educated workplaces.

I have visited a psychiatrists with my problems anyway, and it definitely helped. Also, most of my friends know about that and I never had any problems, but that's probably thanks to my choice of friends. If you pick carefully you should have no problem.

Think about it like that -- visiting a shrink might cause your some problems, if it gets known in wrong places, and hopefully you can move elsewhere when that happens -- a harsh solution, definitely painful, but usually not the end of the world.

Your current condition definitely causes problems for you right now. Also, you can't just move away from your current problems.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#22

Post by hmahncke »

throw999 wrote: post #4
philiphodgen wrote: post #3

1. Go talk to someone. This is mandatory. Psychologist or psychiatrist. 2. (I don't know if this is applicable or not but) drinking will not help. 3. More people than you can possibly imagine have been where you are. (The noisy "everything is fine" group has a large subset of liars and people suffering -- like you -- are silent. Skewed sample set). 4. It will not always be thus. The tide goes out, the tide comes in.…

Consulting pyschologists has a social stigma attached in a country where I live. I also dont drink

You need to see a psychiatrist. Your symptoms sound a lot like real depression. It's possible that it will get better on it's own and you'll make some new friends and see the bright side of life, but it's just as likely you'll get worse. Depression is a brain chemistry problem that makes it almost impossible for your brain to process reward and pleasure. I know people who have thrown big chunks of their lives away by not seeking help. Please don't be one of them.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#23

Post by utefan001 »

We have all have had embarrassing situations in our life. Don't worry about what other people think of you. Once you do that, life gets so much easier.

If you can buy a bike, do it, go ride, see how big and beautiful the world around you is. When you exercise, it will make you feel so much better.

Last, invite a girl to go on a bike ride with you!

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#24

Post by edw519 »

throw999 wrote: post #4
philiphodgen wrote: post #3

1. Go talk to someone. This is mandatory. Psychologist or psychiatrist. 2. (I don't know if this is applicable or not but) drinking will not help. 3. More people than you can possibly imagine have been where you are. (The noisy "everything is fine" group has a large subset of liars and people suffering -- like you -- are silent. Skewed sample set). 4. It will not always be thus. The tide goes out, the tide comes in.…

Consulting pyschologists has a social stigma attached in a country where I live. I also dont drink

I am about to give you the loving advice you need:

Fuck that shit.

You asked for help. You got excellent advice from many people here. Then you came up with excuses for not taking that advice.

Forget "social stigma". Forget the past. Forget your perceived weaknesses. Forget your excuses.

You are obviously smart and want to help yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here to begin with. You need someone qualified to talk to (in person, not here). Do it and recapture your life.

Things are never as bad as they seem when you're at a low point. You will soon discover that once you take action. Do it now. Best wishes.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#25

Post by sabat »

I agree on finding a good therapist. However, you can and should also help yourself.

Suggestions: pick up Feeling Good by David Burns. It's exceedingly practical and will help you quickly.

Start an exercise program. It does not need to be ambitious. Just start a routine of walking every day for 20+ minutes. Listen to music or a podcast or the radio -- associate something positive with it so that you're more likely to do it. Why exercise? Endorphins, sure, but also because there is clinical evidence that physical exercise on a daily basis changes the brain in a positive way and fights depression.

If it's not obvious to you: you're depressed. I'm not qualified to make that judgement, but I'd be willing to bet you are. The good news: you can fight it and win.

Fish oil! This is another thing that's been shown to have a positive effect on mood. [edit] Fish or flaxseed oil is what you want, either in 'pill' form or as a liquid.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#26

Post by ashedryden »

I've been there. I think all of us have been there.

It really helped me to find people that were passionate about the same things I was. I found user groups and not only went to them, became an active member and organizer. People come to me to talk more often than I go to them to talk now. It's great and feeling useful helps carry me through everything else in my life that seems difficult and overwhelming.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#27

Post by codedivine »

Seeing a psychologist is recommended. Ignore social taboos and I say that as a person who lived in India for 20 years.

From an Indian perspective, here is some advice:

1. Talk to your family perhaps. Just talk about general stuff too: how they are doing and so on. Family includes your siblings, your cousins etc. I have wonderful sisters who make my life bright :)

2. Do you have any friends/acquaintances etc from say high school? Call them up and just ask how they are doing etc.

3. You appear to be a programmer. Go out and attend some tech talks or meetups. They are fun, you meet interesting people and they are all programmers like you so you don't feel out of place. If there are none in your city, try to move to Bangalore.

4. Take up a hobby. It will take your mind off things, will be fun and interesting and it gives you a conversation starter with non-geeks.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#28

Post by phamilton »

cellularmitosis wrote: post #13
throw999 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Consulting pyschologists has a social stigma attached in a country where I live. I also dont drink

you really have to just bite the bullet and go talk to a shrink. I had some hang-ups about this initially, but afterwards I realized the outside perspective was so helpful that I was a fool not to have done it earlier. I think you might have a bit of anxiety. the way you describe any negative thought or memory pulling you back down reminds me a lot of myself. the good news is that there are lots of strategies for dea…

I think everybody goes through that. It seems like such a big deal to go to a shrink. Once you go, you realize everyone has issues, it's not really a big deal.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#29

Post by lisperforlife »

Dear throw999. I had a bad time at college as well. I hated it and at one point simply stopped turning up. I lost a year because of that. But I was spending all that time learning how to code and getting better at Quake 3. I had made a decent bit of income by working on part time projects before I graduated. But I understand what you are going through. Firstly, I would strongly suggest professional help.

Losing a year or two is not a big deal. What is important that this moment completely belongs to you. It is in your control. Dont worry about the past or the people who bother you about the past. Do not worry about the future as well. You shape your own future to a large extent by your actions in this current moment. Friends are important but not the kind that they show in the movies. What is more important than friends are your well wishers. Well wishers come in all shapes and forms and some may not fit your definition of friends.

Start building something. Python is not that hard. Start with Google App Engine and python. That way you can build something quick and show it to the world. Remember this need not be perfect. Shipping something is more important than perfecting it. Start blogging your learnings. They help immensely serving as a reinforcement of concepts. Don't bother about getting friends. Participate in your local techmeets or geeknights or whatever they call it in your area. Find people with similar interests and start hacking on a project. It could be as simple as a todo list or a birthday reminder. Think of all the cool features that you could add to it. Make it and show it proudly. You will find that friends will come searching for you.

Do not try to become extroverted. You cannot do that. Instead, start writing and reading. You have already taken the first step of opening up to the forum. I congratulate you on that. Now all you have to do is to keep writing. Once you gain your confidence back, you will naturally become extroverted.

Good luck and keep hacking. You know we all are.

Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown

#30

Post by swombat »

Life is hard, let's go shopping. Oh wait.

Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh.

I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the bright side of life. Let the bright side of life find you.

You're only 21, for christ's sake. "Look back on my shitty past?" Dude, you don't even have a past yet. Go do stuff and enough with wallowing in your self-pity. You don't know how utterly ridiculous it sounds for a 21-year old studying python at university to be complaining that he's failed at life.

Edit: Another point, about your "shitty past". No one other than you gives a damn about you or it (especially at 21). Realise that and stop using it as some kind of lame excuse to not talk to people.

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