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Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

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41–50 of 75 posts

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t think it would really make sense. Marriage places obligations on partners that should make it “safe” for the other partner (and children) to depend on them financially if necessary. Many people don’t want to take on those legal and financial obligations. You can remove the obligations, but then why bother with the whole marriage thing at all?

> Many people don’t want to take on those legal and financial obligations. But they used to so what has changed? And could it be changed back? Edit: If anything people used to jump into them too quickly.

Women make more money and effective birth control has reduced the financial risks of sex. Women have less reason to demand the financial protection of marriage and so men don’t have to supply it.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#42

An interesting thought experiment: what would marriage have to be like to make marriage appealing again?

Men and women would have to actually need each other for the contract to make sense.

But, the toothpaste is out of the tube. I don't feel the need to get married because anything a wife can do, I can do with appliances and without breaking a sweat. Anything else can be supplemented by services. House dirty? My robot vacuum picks up a lot of the slack, and if I don't want to do the rest on my own, I can schedule a maid service. If I don't cook my own meals, GrubHub can be my personal chef. Something broken? Need some tough work done? There's apps that will hail handy-people for you. It doesn't end there; there's a plethora of engaging entertainment you can engage with and you don't even have to leave your home. This situation is salient to both men and women.

I think marriage will continue to decline no matter what, but one thing that might make it somewhat more appealing is if western culture could do away with the needless expenses around the tradition and the ceremony. The amount spent on a mere ring is absurd(honestly wtf is going on here), but people want these crazy weddings where 3 parties, the couple, the wife's parents, and the husband's parents have to chip in. The dress has to be expensive, the venue has to be expensive and booked way in advance, the catering is expensive, etc. And I'm supposed to want all of this? Good grief.

If it was not a disappointment that people have modest weddings, perhaps a few more people might get married? Eh, I don't really know about that.

By the way, I'm in no way complaining. There was a time not that long ago when even men who weren't married by a certain age had a stigma against them. In some ways that stigma still exists, but it's largely been defanged as companies today are perfectly willing to hire men who don't have families.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#43
post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Married men live longer too.

Something something correlation causation

There are a lot of instances where long married men lose their wives then die very soon afterwards. When there's a correlation of something with longevity and removing the something is soon followed by death, then there's good reason to believe the causation theory.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#44

I have also heard that some people are now having sex outside of marriage.

(People have always had sex outside of marriage. If anything, the current generation is doing it with honest communication, rather than going behind their partner's back.)

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#45
post #40
post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wut. Since I've gotten married I've: * quit a job with nothing else lined up to try and start a company * moved cross country without a place to live * started boxing * learned improv and performed in shows * fostered a bunch of kids * learned to race rally cars In fact, the only thing I've done _less_ of is played video games.

I'll bet you don't get hammered drunk every night either.

Getting hammered drunk gets in the way of actual risky behavior. I mean... you can't fly a plane if you're drunk.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#46
post #3
post #2

As an unmarried Young Adult (in the Netherlands) myself I can give my 2 cents about why I wouldn't get married; I've simply taken to heart the advice nearly every senior developer would give me; Don't EVER get married.

Getting married is fine! Just have a prenuptial agreement. A standard template for your country is probably one Google search away.

Using any legal document from a Google search is incredibly bad advice. That’s like diagnosing disease from reading WebMD.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#47
post #12
post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Married life means you won't do a lot of exciting/risky things. Married men live longer. So do indoor cats.

Wut. Since I've gotten married I've: * quit a job with nothing else lined up to try and start a company * moved cross country without a place to live * started boxing * learned improv and performed in shows * fostered a bunch of kids * learned to race rally cars In fact, the only thing I've done _less_ of is played video games.

Are you sure it's because of your marriage and not because you suddenly got a lot of free time?

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#48
post #38
post #18

Honestly I think this is a good thing. If I knew what I knew now, from my own relationship after being married for 20 years, and observation of friends, I would not have got married. People can drift apart. Situations change. Health problems get between you. What can remain is obligation and legal difficulty for a lot of people and nothing more. And in some countries, such as the UK where I live, this is a massive pr…

> the law is predatory and unfair towards one or both parties. When I got divorced 20 years ago some of my friends thought it was unfair that my ex took $20k (of $40k) out of savings, packed her stuff and left. When I tell that to men my age they're like HFS!!! fist bump Another fiend got divorces, wife got full custody, child support and alimony. The take was so much he and his two kids had to move back into his mom…

So no consummation and no open marriages, got it.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#49
post #5
post #2

As an unmarried Young Adult (in the Netherlands) myself I can give my 2 cents about why I wouldn't get married; I've simply taken to heart the advice nearly every senior developer would give me; Don't EVER get married.

That is very weird advice. I've been a software developer since the mid-1990s, when I was a teenager, got married at 21, had two kids, started several companies, sold some of them, and getting married is easily the single best decision I ever made. I would like to gingerly suggest that this is a subject for which you might not want to sole-source your advice from software developers. We are an odd lot.

Perhaps software developers in the Netherlands have geographically-clustered attitudes about marriage that more closely resemble those of Dutch adults generally (or maybe Dutch academics or trades-workers specifically), than software developers generally.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#50

An interesting thought experiment: what would marriage have to be like to make marriage appealing again?

Men and women would have to actually need each other for the contract to make sense. But, the toothpaste is out of the tube. I don't feel the need to get married because anything a wife can do, I can do with appliances and without breaking a sweat. Anything else can be supplemented by services. House dirty? My robot vacuum picks up a lot of the slack, and if I don't want to do the rest on my own, I can schedule a mai…

I don't feel the need to get married because anything a wife can do, I can do with appliances and without breaking a sweat.

It's more about sharing your life with someone than getting chores done.

one thing that might make it somewhat more appealing is if western culture could do away with the needless expenses around the tradition and the ceremony...If it was not a disappointment that people have modest weddings, perhaps a few more people might get married?

It used to be that only rich people spent $8k-$80k on a wedding. Most of the time in the US, it happened in the living room or in the local church, and the reception was in the backyard. Today's weddings are a fabrication of the wedding industrial complex. They're rich people's affairs sold to the common person as a necessity, much like the diamond engagement ring. Spending the equivalent of today's $300 all told on a wedding used to be the norm. The ceremony and the gathering of friends and community can be wonderful, even magic. I think the money and glitz get in the way.

I've been in some bands that would get hired for weddings, and the most beautiful weddings I've been at were DIY affairs done at home on the cheap, but with sincere feelings and meaning. My own wedding was pulled off on the low end of the price scale. We hired a waterside Chinese restaurant, got good fuss-free catering, and got the day-of coordinator and linens for free. I hired musicians I knew and we went and got orchids from a nursery and bought our own drinks from Costco.

The most beautiful wedding I've been to was a quaker wedding held in the back yard, completely DIY. Barely nothing more than a circle of chairs and home made decorations.

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