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Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

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Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#131

Post by camiller »

lusis wrote: post #82
lordmatty wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

* Seriously consider having the baby sleep in your bed with you, especially if you/your spouse are breastfeeding. In my experience this leads to drastically less sleep. You disturb your baby and your baby disturbs you. We put the baby in another room and invested in a baby alarm. * Seriously consider breastfeeding. Yes, but don't pressure yourself too much...the most important thing is that the baby eats properly. Bo…

Yeah I would highly suggest investing in a video monitor. because you're so paranoid as a new parent, you'll be tempted to run in and check on the little one for every little noise. Don't wake a sleeping baby ;) the video monitor will really help that. We actually have two changing tables in the house. One upstairs and one downstairs. Last thing you want is trying to change a kid on the floor who's starting to twist…

> Last thing you want is trying to change a kid on the floor who's starting to twist and turn and has a really poopy diaper.

...or if there was a catastrophic containment failure.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#132

Post by jason_slack »

I have 3 kids 12 (boy), 9 (girl), 6 (boy).

My 12 year old is very into Apple and his idle is Bertrand Serlet although he doesn't mind Steve Jobs either.

He turned out this way because he was always wanting to do what I was doing which was IT and writing code. He has designed his first iphone app and wants to release it.

I must admit that having them was definitely a change in life. It was positive though. Yeah 3am feedings and all night visits to the emergency room are not fun but watching them apply a skill you taught them in the funniest way makes it all worth it.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#133

Post by scott_s »

jgrahamc wrote: post #121

When the baby is born someone does an execve on you. You inherit your original PID but everything else is replaced. There is no way back to the original process, but you keep open file descriptors to your close friends. Friends without children were likely marked close on exec.

Friends without children were likely marked close on exec.

Hopefully dependent on who the friend is. One of my best friends had a daughter a year ago, and I've seen him about as much as I did before he was a father. (Which is less than I like, but I no longer live near my family and oldest set of friends.) But that works because I'm fine with going over to their house and sitting around talking while watching their little girl try to figure out how to sit up.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#134

Post by Calamitous »

There are so many great comments here; I don't think it's possible to describe to someone who hasn't been there. It's not an intelligence barrier; the simple experience of parenthood is impossible to convey. That said, I'll give it a shot:

It's wonderful and terrifying and deeply satisfying and the most frustrating thing you'll ever do. Days and weeks will whip past with appalling speed; things that once seemed life-shatteringly important now appear quaint, humorous, and mildly embarrassing. You'll become a better person than you ever thought possible, and will become acutely aware of your every character flaw.

You'll never know if you're going to regret it, but you won't care.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#135

Post by lazyant »

petervandijck wrote: post #108
Tichy wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My son is two weeks old by now, and the nurses at the hospital all said that a mother won't crush her child in bed. Apparently women have some kinds of instincts at work here. Men are a less safe bet, apparently. My sister (a phyisician) said that it can be dangerous if the men are drugged (alcohol, for example). There is also the sudden infant death syndrome. They still don't know what's going on, but statistics see…

You won't crush your baby, don't worry about it. (Unless you go to sleep drunk or something, I mean, really!) You can put that big pregnancy pillow around them for extra comfort.

I know of a case where a baby died of asphyxiation while sleeping on the parent's bed. It may be isolated incident or whatever but I wouldn't dismiss this risk.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#136

Post by lotharbot »

Vivtek wrote: post #91

Oh, where to start? Having a baby entirely eliminates your life and replaces it with a different one. And you can't undo it. You cannot spend all your time on a project now - you have to change your priorities. This is not an option, and unfortunately it's not something that happens magically by itself, either. Like maintaining a marriage, it's something you choose to do because not to do so is unthinkable. The payof…

> "Having a baby entirely eliminates your life and replaces it with a different one."

A good illustration of that:

People you've called "mom" and "dad" your whole life now become "grandma" and "grandpa". Your spouse becomes "mama" or "dada". Having a kid changes the way you relate to everybody else in your life. It shifts your focus from how someone relates to you to how they relate to your kid.

Similarly, every decision you make is now evaluated in terms of the effects it'll have on your kid, often before you even bother to evaluate how it affects you.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#137

Post by barkingcat »

Vivtek wrote: post #91

Oh, where to start? Having a baby entirely eliminates your life and replaces it with a different one. And you can't undo it. You cannot spend all your time on a project now - you have to change your priorities. This is not an option, and unfortunately it's not something that happens magically by itself, either. Like maintaining a marriage, it's something you choose to do because not to do so is unthinkable. The payof…

Failure in (1) means that you made a not so good, or a not so balanced human being. I know parents of my parents' age who ultimately feel that they've failed because their sons and daughters got into drugs and crime, and destroyed the potential of those short lives.

Despite trying their hardest, things just didn't work out, and since the children are adults in their own right, the parents can only give love and hope that their children learn to make a life of their own.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#138

Post by pyre »

lazyant wrote: post #135
petervandijck wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You won't crush your baby, don't worry about it. (Unless you go to sleep drunk or something, I mean, really!) You can put that big pregnancy pillow around them for extra comfort.

I know of a case where a baby died of asphyxiation while sleeping on the parent's bed. It may be isolated incident or whatever but I wouldn't dismiss this risk.

There are other cultures where sleeping with your baby is the norm, and they don't have issues babies dying left and right due to parents rolling over on them, so I think we need more than anecdotes to say that it's dangerous.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#139

Post by camiller »

arn wrote: post #18
arn wrote: post #2

Having a baby changes everything. And it's weird how you can't even imagine it ahead of time. To answer some of your questions: - Your ability to produce will go down drastically - Your priorities will change. - You will be more tired, and your time will be at a premium. I think the time issue is the main one. Especially for those reading this. I feel like a lot of hackers like sitting down for hours during your free…

seems relevant to this topic is this blog post about having a special needs child, in relationship to happiness and children: http://jenniferlawler.com/wordpress/?p=747 Was highly voted up in HN http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1539833

Wow, I must have missed this the first time around. And while I haven't had exactly the same experiences (all the surgeries) My son(now 9) with Down Syndrome (and hearing aids for both ears since 18mo, and Asthma, and braces for both ankles, and thyroid dysfunction, and dairy allergies) had his own set of issues and I really relate to that post. He wasn't walking on his own till age 5, still potty training, daily meds for the thyroid/asthma, trying to get him to keep the hearing aids in, etc. On top of that my wife has had five back surgeries and really shouldn't lift him. I still wouldn't trade the experience, I think I am a better person for it.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#140

Post by dpcan »

1 year after my first son was born I started my business. I was 23. 3 more kids and 8 (almost 9) years later, I'm still working for myself. My first son was my inspiration.

This year I decided to become an independent game programmer because I wanted to follow my dreams, and I wanted my kids to see that if you love something and want to be a success at it, you have to just DO IT.

And I did. And I'm having success with it. My kids will grow up knowing you don't have to just settle down and earn a buck, but you can do what you love, make a living, and make your own rules.

Oh and if you're wondering how your life changes. Well. I think there's only one word for it: completely.

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