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Except if you are a man, then you should shut up, no matter where in the ring you are. But i guess especially as a white male, you are actually never in the center of the circle, even with terminal cancer.
Edit: or perhaps men think they are in the center all the time. I guess I lost the trail.
> The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere Except if you are a man, then you should shut up, no matter where in the ring you are. But i guess especially as a white male, you are actually never in the center of the circle, even with terminal cancer. Edit: or perhaps men think they are in the center all the time. I guess I lost the trail.
Any tips of this kind of material for a more professional setting? I have to give advice professionally and one of the harder parts for me is giving it in the context of office politics.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
You don't have to read moral judgement into apo's comment, and if you don't one problem comes into focus: it's well good to listen support a person unconditionally in their difficulties, but some the sufferers need to change their behavior and you can't effect that through nodding and bringing in comfort food. If you want a person to change you have to tell them something they don't want to her. At what point do swit…
Ultimately it doesn't matter how much we want another person to change. Things will only affect change when people are ready and willing. When that happens, it will be pretty obvious, especially if you're someone they trust. At that point it does make sense to make the switch to being forthcoming and honest as you mentioned. In the mean time? Don't enable, but don't be direct in telling them what they aren't ready to…
This may work out for you, but it’s hard to judge how well it works out for the people you decide to stop associating with (especially in comparison to some counterfactual other approach), since presumably you don’t get much follow-up information about the outcome.
> stepped into the hall with Katie's husband, Pat. "I wasn't prepared for this," she told him. "I don't know if I can handle it." Be suspicious of people who you don't know that well, but all of the sudden they pop up in a moment of crisis. Sometimes they want to be part of it and go around and brag to others how their friend / relative is suffering. It's just a source of gossip for them. Then they get the sympathy-b…
This is a bit weird, because it seems to imply that if person x is casual friends with person y, then person x should keep their distance when person y encounters hardship. That seems counterproductive, especially in cases where person y may feel closer to person x than person x realizes.
I would think it's more common that person y's hardship makes people less likely to seek them out -- maybe not. But I think I have heard more stories along the lines of "during/after my hardship, I found out who my real friends were, and there weren't many of them".
Sorry, but life is not neatly packaged and compartmentalized like that. People will say things that can insult or hurt someone, even if that someone is sick. And nobody is going to follow some article's idea of what is proper to say if common decency is not enough for them.
Sorry, but life is not neatly packaged and compartmentalized like that. People will say things that can insult or hurt someone, even if that someone is sick. And nobody is going to follow some article's idea of what is proper to say if common decency is not enough for them.
The article's advice and reasoning look useful to me.
> stepped into the hall with Katie's husband, Pat. "I wasn't prepared for this," she told him. "I don't know if I can handle it." Be suspicious of people who you don't know that well, but all of the sudden they pop up in a moment of crisis. Sometimes they want to be part of it and go around and brag to others how their friend / relative is suffering. It's just a source of gossip for them. Then they get the sympathy-b…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
You don't have to read moral judgement into apo's comment, and if you don't one problem comes into focus: it's well good to listen support a person unconditionally in their difficulties, but some the sufferers need to change their behavior and you can't effect that through nodding and bringing in comfort food. If you want a person to change you have to tell them something they don't want to her. At what point do swit…
If you want a person to change you have to tell them something they don't want to [hear]. Instead of telling, try teaching. Show by example, ideally not in heated moments when people will reject the advice, a better way to handle resources or stress or confrontations or whatever.
Another thing I found that works is to show by several examples, by many people (preferably friends). The lizard brain is receptive to social proof.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
You don't have to read moral judgement into apo's comment, and if you don't one problem comes into focus: it's well good to listen support a person unconditionally in their difficulties, but some the sufferers need to change their behavior and you can't effect that through nodding and bringing in comfort food. If you want a person to change you have to tell them something they don't want to her. At what point do swit…
Ultimately it doesn't matter how much we want another person to change. Things will only affect change when people are ready and willing. When that happens, it will be pretty obvious, especially if you're someone they trust. At that point it does make sense to make the switch to being forthcoming and honest as you mentioned. In the mean time? Don't enable, but don't be direct in telling them what they aren't ready to…
I find this unsatisfactory. There is a period in a persons life where they will not listen to advice, then when they might be suggestible, and finally when they will act even on their own accord. If we pretend that the second period is non-existent we can sleep well because nothing can be done and so nothing should be done. But the logical me rebels against this notion - there has to be a transitionary period. Perhaps by pushing someone over the edge during that time I will save them years of wallowing in the tar pit of indecision.