The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging • Hacker News Board

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#101

Post by Digit-Al » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 6:32 PM UTC

DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #94

This article reminds me of a phenomenon I sometimes see on LinkedIn streams: people who post about their own accomplishments, and use the headline "Humbled to/by ..." As a contrived example: "Humbled to be named to SomeRandomMagazine's Top 30 under 30 list". My first thought when seeing such as headline is, like heck that person is humbled. I can't think of any honest reason to post a story about one's own humiliatio…

Humble and humiliation are completely different. I think the word you are after is humility.

Just trying to help - not attempting to brag that I'm better than you in any way :-)

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#102

Post by nine_k » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 6:35 PM UTC

rb808 wrote: post #66

I really dont like bragging, but I've noticed in groups where no one is bragging or talking about themselves its really boring. I have a bunch of really smart friends who do really interesting things and when we meet up its like what are you up to? Nothing much. Nothing interesting. Later you find out that they just visited Mongolia, another is learning Russian and the other built renewable power system for a holiday…

Bragging is one thing. Having something interesting to tell is another.

The problem here is not lack of bragging, but lack of a desire to share something that others would enjoy.

As usual, solving this for oneself, and always having something curious and smalltalk-worthy on hand can solve it for everyone around.

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#103

Post by air7 » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 6:48 PM UTC

Very fun read. Though by focusing (with great humor and nuance) on the "Others" and their faults, it perhaps misses an important question (imo) namely, why does other people's bragging affect me negatively? Why do I not feel genuinely happy for other people's accomplishments, or just joyfully notice their childlike attempts at feeling better about themselves through social approval? God knows none of Their motivations are foreign to me ...

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#104

Post by tekkk » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 6:54 PM UTC

rb808 wrote: post #66

I really dont like bragging, but I've noticed in groups where no one is bragging or talking about themselves its really boring. I have a bunch of really smart friends who do really interesting things and when we meet up its like what are you up to? Nothing much. Nothing interesting. Later you find out that they just visited Mongolia, another is learning Russian and the other built renewable power system for a holiday…

That is so much more about attitude than bragging. Your smart friends have not been exposed enough or can't put their minds into the mindset of sharing things without maybe being afraid of sounding like a show-off. It could be hard to get them into habit of doing so but maybe if there was other people around who'd showcase the "more interesting" way of sharing things they'd slowly change their attitudes. It's hard to describe but I'm positive by slowly introducing elements of "bragging" or maybe in this case just sharing without care the situation would change.

It could also be that they just don't have strong enough rapport with you that they'd feel sharing all those things with you, I don't know. Maybe next time tease them with something along the lines "c'mon I know you've been up to something". But take your time, don't expect things to change immediately.

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#105

Post by twic » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 7:02 PM UTC

I can't believe this guy wrote this whole essay just so he can brag about having an athletic girlfriend.

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#106

Post by DoofusOfDeath » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 7:05 PM UTC

Digit-Al wrote: post #101

DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #94

This article reminds me of a phenomenon I sometimes see on LinkedIn streams: people who post about their own accomplishments, and use the headline "Humbled to/by ..." As a contrived example: "Humbled to be named to SomeRandomMagazine's Top 30 under 30 list". My first thought when seeing such as headline is, like heck that person is humbled. I can't think of any honest reason to post a story about one's own humiliatio…

Humble and humiliation are completely different. I think the word you are after is humility. Just trying to help - not attempting to brag that I'm better than you in any way :-)

You're right of course. It was a mistake for me to use the word "humiliation" in that way, especially where it would cause such confusion.

Here's my main point, reworded:

Being "humbled" is basically the opposite of being "exalted" [0]. But posting on LinkedIn a story about being recognized as awesome by some third party is absolutely a form of exaltation.

And IMO it's a particularly revolting form of exaltation: it's self exaltation using the verbiage of self-effacement.

[0] https://www.dictionary.com/browse/humble

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#107

Post by n4r9 » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 7:07 PM UTC

rb808 wrote: post #66

I really dont like bragging, but I've noticed in groups where no one is bragging or talking about themselves its really boring. I have a bunch of really smart friends who do really interesting things and when we meet up its like what are you up to? Nothing much. Nothing interesting. Later you find out that they just visited Mongolia, another is learning Russian and the other built renewable power system for a holiday…

You're conflating bragging and simply talking about oneself, which the article has painstakingly distinguished between. Bragging involves imposition, i.e. forcing something that isn't asked for. If I ask someone what they've been up to, its absolutely not bragging for them to actually talk about it.

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#108

Post by rdlecler1 » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 7:31 PM UTC

Another reason to brag is to quickly establish credibility/confidence in noisy markets. You want to quickly establish yourself as a peer or credible individual so that you can get down to business without wasting time feeling each other out. If you’re a VC it’s much better to get an email with team credentials. Similarly if you’re a VC that wants to get into a deal you might say who you invested in and who you coinvest with.

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#109

Post by aidenn0 » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 7:33 PM UTC

amsilprotag wrote: post #81

rb808 wrote: post #66

I really dont like bragging, but I've noticed in groups where no one is bragging or talking about themselves its really boring. I have a bunch of really smart friends who do really interesting things and when we meet up its like what are you up to? Nothing much. Nothing interesting. Later you find out that they just visited Mongolia, another is learning Russian and the other built renewable power system for a holiday…

I'm surprised the author quoted Why Nerds are Unpopular and didn't cite what I feel like is the most relevant part: When there is some real external test of skill, it isn't painful to be at the bottom of the hierarchy. A rookie on a football team doesn't resent the skill of the veteran; he hopes to be like him one day and is happy to have the chance to learn from him. The veteran may in turn feel a sense of noblesse…

I disagree that the "external test of skill" is the direct cause of what makes it less painful to be at the bottom of the hierarchy. It's merely the membership in the group; to be an effective team camaraderie is important, so it will be pursued for its own goals, but there are other ways of camaraderie forming.

I (male) grew up in a neighborhood with several boys my own age. I was the nerdy/awkward &c. one and so I was picked on when it was just that group. However, I was absolutely part of that group, and I saw the difference that made both with my other equally awkward peers that lacked such a group, and my sister, who was less awkward, but had it much rougher.

Re: The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

#110

Post by aidenn0 » Fri, Oct 05, 2018, 7:38 PM UTC

brianmcc wrote: post #30

aikah wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I am proud to say I have never bragged in my life. How is that figure of speech called in English?

You might call it "tongue in cheek" in the UK, a statement made with no pretense that it's true, with a gently humorous intent.

If anyone is wondering, "tongue-in-cheek" is also a term used in the US.