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Millennials Are Causing the U.S. Divorce Rate to Plummet

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Re: Millennials Are Causing the U.S. Divorce Rate to Plummet

#261

Post by astura »

magic_beans wrote: post #164
neogodless wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My advice? Don't have a relatively cheap wedding. Have a _cheap_ wedding. (Do not waste two years of your life making money that you blow on 6 hours of rituals.) Our wedding cost less than $1000 (near Philadelphia, so HCOL area), and is described by friends as "beautiful" and "one of my all-time favorites."

How did you pull that off?

Not the person you asked but I can chime in.

I'm absolutely amazed when people ask this question. Parties are very often held for much less than $1000. When I hold a party I usually spend around $300 and I provide plenty of food and booze that I have plenty of leftovers.

Ever been to a graduation party? retirement party? christening? baby shower? anniversary? birthday party? Those all likely cost ~$1,000 or less.

A wedding doesn't have to be fancy or expensive to be 1) a wedding or 2) enjoyable. It's merely a party! You can do anything! The wedding industrial complex wants you to believe that if you don't spring for the silk chair covers (or whatever) it doesn't "count," but that's just them trying to sell you something.

Venue: Plenty of free or non expensive cost ones. Backyards, friend's houses, park pavilions, VFW, masonic lodge, etc.

Food: Sky's the limit here! It can be costly but it doesn't have to be costly, plenty of low cost options. Plenty or restaurants have a catering menu, if you enjoy cooking you can "cater" it yourself, you can have a cookout, etc.

Music: iPod with good speakers is fine.

Photography: Is this really necessary in an age where everyone has a high-res camera in their pockets? I have friends who didn't even look at their wedding pictures.

When I got married the "ceremony" was signing some papers at city hall and we forgot to take a picture, oh well. After the ceremony we celebrated by ourselves at a local watering hole (would have invited friends to join us if everyone wasn't at work). The party we held to celebrate was the following weekend. It was just a normal party at our house, pretty much the same as any other party at our house. We had a big enough apartment at the time, but we could have used a friend's house if we didn't. We ordered four take home party pizzas, made some side salads, and made a box cake (I prefer box cake to homemade). Nobody, including us, dressed up. We didn't spend the whole day fussing about the color of flower arrangements or something equally entirely inconsequential. The focus was on us and our relationship rather than focusing on putting on a show.

We could afford to spend $10,000 or whatever on a wedding if we wanted to but the wedding we did have is one we could actually enjoy, I absolutely can't stand people gawking at me and my husband hates dressing up with a fiery passion. And it left us enough money to put 20% down on a house and then buy all new high quality furniture. And we enjoy those purchases every single day.

For an example of a wedding that was affordable (besides the wedding dress and musical guest), Mark Zuckerberg And Priscilla Chan: https://www.forbes.com/sites/helaineolen/2012/05/21/mark-zuc...

Re: Millennials Are Causing the U.S. Divorce Rate to Plummet

#262

Post by jriot »

groby_b wrote: post #256
jriot wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife and I got married young, 21 and 20. Neither of us had any financial issues because we were too young to have any financial issues. Twelve years later and we are still married. By sharing our 20s together it allowed us to see each other grow personally, professionally and together in many ways. Neither of us views marriage in terms of financial purposes. There are economic benefits we see. For example I work f…

I'm glad you're rarely seeing a doctor, but... you're early thirties. Unless you injure yourself, that should be the normal case. It's not the homemade pies :) (Although those are a good thing for very different reasons. Yum. Homemade pie)

I would agree, being in your early 30s you shouldn't see a doctor outside of an injury. Again I don't think the homemade pies are helping, but I think they do in the long-term. Not that I am eating pie but that we know whats into them. We see the pigs being raised, work with our butcher etc... we believe that will aid us as we get older in comparison to eating pre-made ones with who knows what in it.

We could be entirely wrong here, but at least we will be eating well!

Re: Millennials Are Causing the U.S. Divorce Rate to Plummet

#263

Post by jriot »

magduf wrote: post #252
jriot wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife and I got married young, 21 and 20. Neither of us had any financial issues because we were too young to have any financial issues. Twelve years later and we are still married. By sharing our 20s together it allowed us to see each other grow personally, professionally and together in many ways. Neither of us views marriage in terms of financial purposes. There are economic benefits we see. For example I work f…

You got lucky, and you possibly also made a good choice. You also found each other at a time when you were both young and impressionable and not set in your ways or scarred by failed marriages or relationships. But largely, I think you were lucky: you managed to find someone who wasn't going to be a financial disaster for you. You could have married a girl who, as soon the paychecks started rolling in, wanted to spen…

I can see being unlucky finding someone who will spend it all on crap. Hopefully, before people decide to get married they can have a sense of their spending habits. Difficult to completely do but you should have a reasonable exception.

Though I agree, a certain amount of luck was involved.

Re: Millennials Are Causing the U.S. Divorce Rate to Plummet

#264

Post by groby_b »

jriot wrote: post #262
groby_b wrote: post #256

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm glad you're rarely seeing a doctor, but... you're early thirties. Unless you injure yourself, that should be the normal case. It's not the homemade pies :) (Although those are a good thing for very different reasons. Yum. Homemade pie)

I would agree, being in your early 30s you shouldn't see a doctor outside of an injury. Again I don't think the homemade pies are helping, but I think they do in the long-term. Not that I am eating pie but that we know whats into them. We see the pigs being raised, work with our butcher etc... we believe that will aid us as we get older in comparison to eating pre-made ones with who knows what in it. We could be enti…

Kidding aside, I agree. There's a lot of value in knowing where your food comes from. Not just in terms of health, but also in (for lack of a better word) a spiritual way. You understand your place in the world better.

Congrats on being able to live your life like that.

Re: Millennials Are Causing the U.S. Divorce Rate to Plummet

#265

Post by kaitai »

blattimwind wrote: post #245
kaitai wrote: post #223

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that's really unkind. It's not dumb. It is an economic decision in an economic system that does not reward caretakers.

A fault confessed is half redressed. After all, what you call "really unkind" isn't my opinion, it's yours.

What did I say that was unkind?

Maybe you're mad about the term "abdication of decision-making". It's a term of art. What's unkind about it?

Maybe you think it's unkind to say a woman is putting career on the back burner. But that's often accurate and a very conscious decision.

I think you don't like looking at the results of these decisions. That doesn't make the decisions themselves bad, or the people making them stupid, and describing those decisions accurately is not unkind. You are mad at the wrong people.

When I'm talking about these things I'm looking at my own bank account, as a woman who is hanging back in career so she can stay home with her kid a bit. It's just patronizing to pretend somehow magically I'm going to make more money because of this, or that when I'm 40+ I'll magically be able to jump into another tech job at an even higher pay grade. Like all the people we're talking about, I'm making decisions in an economic system that is not going to economically reward me for caretaking. I'm doing it anyway, trying to balance the present time with children with the necessity of supporting myself financially for another 50+ years given my family's longevity. I stand by everything I said.

Re: Millennials Are Causing the U.S. Divorce Rate to Plummet

#266

Post by magduf »

52-6F-62 wrote: post #172
module0000 wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Be careful - there is no undo button. A lot of us on the other side encouraging you to have kids can be explained by an old adage..."misery loves company". YMMV.

Heheh. I don't mind that so much. But I think I've done a good job of convincing myself that there's a certain baseline condition I'd like to be in to start seriously considering it. We've sadly even waffled enough on getting a dog for, a) Financial reasons. If we can't take the dog to the office, then we would end up paying the few hundred dollars a month or whatever people charge around here to walk them. (one of m…

Don't get a dog. Honestly, I think having a kid is better than getting a dog. With a kid, there's a pretty good chance that it's going to grow up at some point and be able to use the bathroom on its own (within a few years), feed itself, clean up after itself, and eventually move out of the house.

With a dog, this never happens: you're constantly going to be taking care of it like it's a 2-year-old. You'll have to walk it every day, pick up its hot, steaming shit piles with a thin plastic bag in your hand (or else get huge fines from your HOA/condo), smell its nasty breath, deal with fleas (you have to take it outside for walks remember), hire pet-sitters if you're gone for even one night, etc.

Dogs are an enormous hassle, especially in a city. I have no idea why so many people want them. If you want an animal companion in a city dwelling, get a cat. They don't need to be walked, they don't eat much (compared to large dogs), they can use the bathroom on their own (tip: get a Litter-Robot automated litter box), they don't need to be bathed or groomed, they don't stink, and they don't mind living in an apartment full-time.

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