201–210 of 220 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Another related quote: “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Another great one: “I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.”
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't know why you are framing this like you disagree with me since we are both saying "Yeah, that giving compliments thing? Doesn't really work so well in my experience."
I don't know why you are framing this like you disagree with me I can't see that he was framing it like he disagreed with you. You were the one doing that, it seems to me. You again and again on HN tell of how awfully the people in your life, the people on here who won't talk to you, the people who do talk with you, have treated you. Then you rebuke people for offering advice, trying to help. Then you tell us "avoidi…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Women giving men compliments is, for the most part, interpreted as a come-on. It's not fair Umm..I'm pretty sure men complementing women have it a lot worse.
Not in my experience. If a woman does interpret a compliment as an approach, they are very unlikely to act as if that gives them carte blanche to behave proprietorially towards the complimenting party from that point on. It's hard to imagine the experience @DoreenMichelle reports happening to a man. Some 'compliments' are of course thinly-disguised acts of creepiness. Different category altogether, and dead easy to s…
It sounds like she complimented someone, things grew from there, they had an actual physical affair, and then he started acting like a psycho.
Why is the compliment even remotely relevant to this chain of events? Do we imagine that if he made the first move he wouldn’t have turned out to be a psycho later? Or that psychos never make the first move?
Maybe I just misread the story.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
People also readily undervalue things that come to them easily - relationships, friendships, money, power, etc. I work at a multi billion dollar facility that is routinely taken for granted by workers. “Oh it’s just this place” sort of thing. I’ve known men and women to undervalue relationships that came to them easily. That exact concept was on display in Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises. I think the “struggle” really…
I think there are a lot of factors. A few that readily come to mind: Pecking order nonsense. People who are big believers in pecking order see you as "beneath" them if you compliment them. They then feel owed and like you are permanently required to kowtow to them and aren't allowed to quit. Prosody and tone matching. My son probably is incapable of these two things. He gets very negative social reactions from people…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think there are a lot of factors. A few that readily come to mind: Pecking order nonsense. People who are big believers in pecking order see you as "beneath" them if you compliment them. They then feel owed and like you are permanently required to kowtow to them and aren't allowed to quit. Prosody and tone matching. My son probably is incapable of these two things. He gets very negative social reactions from people…
FWIW, Doreen you are one of the most level headed and sensible commenters on HN.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, I left my business of a decade a few years ago as my health had gone to hell and I couldn’t continue - nobody, no colleagues, no clients, not even my co-founder, said goodbye, never mind anything else. Nobody cared that I ended up in hospital repeatedly, mortally unwell. If I bump into them in the street they don’t even recognise me - and we worked together for over a decade in some cases. Confirmation that you…
I sounds counter-intuitive, but it must be satisfying because you move from worrying/wondering to knowing. Not unlike finding out your partner has had an affair. Obviously that's a terrible thing to discover, but finally knowing allows you to start the process of healing.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
People also readily undervalue things that come to them easily - relationships, friendships, money, power, etc. I work at a multi billion dollar facility that is routinely taken for granted by workers. “Oh it’s just this place” sort of thing. I’ve known men and women to undervalue relationships that came to them easily. That exact concept was on display in Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises. I think the “struggle” really…
I think there are a lot of factors. A few that readily come to mind: Pecking order nonsense. People who are big believers in pecking order see you as "beneath" them if you compliment them. They then feel owed and like you are permanently required to kowtow to them and aren't allowed to quit. Prosody and tone matching. My son probably is incapable of these two things. He gets very negative social reactions from people…
I agree with all your statements above, though. I think evolution has left us with some social behaviors that can be very frustrating.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I get that feeling and I think it may be true sometimes. I had this especially with my childhood friends when we grew older, I felt like somehow I didn’t really count unless I had something to bring them. So I left for greener pastures. Worked great for me, I’d rather be alone than pretend to be liked.
If you don't like yourself, and you assume that others would be rational in not liking you as well, it is very easy to project those feelings onto them. I would also rather be alone than have pretend relationships. But make sure you really know what is happening. Because projecting your self hate is a much more common problem than being surrounded by actors. In fact if you already know that you dislike your self, it…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think there are pretty obvious difficulties with telling coworkers you’ve a crush on them.
Not really, direct communication, eye contact etc... If one cannot do that, facebook friend them and try to tell them that way. The worst they say is they are not interested. It's a numbers game.