It has two cookie notices that cover more than half the screen. Wow! Why do we present this horrible UX when the user has no course of action. You’ll be tracked anyway right ?
People Like You More Than You Know
101–110 of 220 posts
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#102Earlier quoted context omitted.
This is why you shouldn't be afraid to give out (truthful) compliments folks I've been seriously and repeatedly burned for doing that. I then spent years dialing it back. I'm 53 and only just now working on figuring out how to do that again without letting it turn into some shit show where everyone treats me like I'm their bitch. Every single guy I have ever gushed at about how keen he is has, without fail, promptly…
> Maybe I'm just doing it wrong. No, you're just falling foul of a dynamic that preexists you. Women giving men compliments is, for the most part, interpreted as a come-on. It's not fair, and it hinders the frank communication between men and women that makes really healthy social environments such a joy to operate in, but it's the case more often than not.
Yep, and it's completely natural for a guy to think a woman might be expressing interest in him given those circumstances. But the emphasis is on "might". He should also indulge a bit of skepticism and feel the situation out.
I was in this position a few years ago and interpreted her complements as a romantic interest in me. I explored the situation by asking her out to lunch, inquiring as to whether she was dating, etc. I learned she had a boyfriend and that she was happy in the relationship so I backed off.
Admittedly it's anecdotal but I believe that there are simple and effective ways for both sexes to communicate interest, availability (or lack thereof) while still managing to remain respectful of yourself and others.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#103Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Maybe I'm just doing it wrong. No, you're just falling foul of a dynamic that preexists you. Women giving men compliments is, for the most part, interpreted as a come-on. It's not fair, and it hinders the frank communication between men and women that makes really healthy social environments such a joy to operate in, but it's the case more often than not.
> Women giving men compliments is, for the most part, interpreted as a come-on. It's not fair Umm..I'm pretty sure men complementing women have it a lot worse.
Not in my experience. If a woman does interpret a compliment as an approach, they are very unlikely to act as if that gives them carte blanche to behave proprietorially towards the complimenting party from that point on. It's hard to imagine the experience @DoreenMichelle reports happening to a man.
Some 'compliments' are of course thinly-disguised acts of creepiness. Different category altogether, and dead easy to spot for people within a normal range of emotional intelligence.
I compliment people (men & women alike) quite frequently. Usually on their work, sometimes on their behaviour in other respects, less commonly on appearance. When directed towards a woman, not once has this been interpreted (AFAIK) as a come-on or unwarranted approach. By and large people can tell when you're being friendly with a light touch, and without an agenda.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#104Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think a key detail is he wasn't especially good looking and I complimented him on a physical trait. I've known lots of people over the years who had baggage over X and who made X into some big damn deal where it was impossible to say you liked them without it going weird places. Short men do this a lot and make it impossible to say "Eh, your height doesn't bother me, but I like X about you." Men who see themselves…
> "Short men do this a lot and make it impossible to say "Eh, your height doesn't bother me, but I like X about you." Men who see themselves as ugly do this." Wait, you think telling someone, "Don't worry, your ugliness doesn't bother me. After all, you're friendly!" is a reasonable thing to say someone? That's the exact opposite of making X trait a non-issue.
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Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#105Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think a key detail is he wasn't especially good looking and I complimented him on a physical trait. I've known lots of people over the years who had baggage over X and who made X into some big damn deal where it was impossible to say you liked them without it going weird places. Short men do this a lot and make it impossible to say "Eh, your height doesn't bother me, but I like X about you." Men who see themselves…
> "Short men do this a lot and make it impossible to say "Eh, your height doesn't bother me, but I like X about you." Men who see themselves as ugly do this." Wait, you think telling someone, "Don't worry, your ugliness doesn't bother me. After all, you're friendly!" is a reasonable thing to say someone? That's the exact opposite of making X trait a non-issue.
I think this is a response after they complained about their own height.
"oh man, why am I so short?" - "hey man, that doesnt bother me at all, you look great none the less"
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#106Earlier quoted context omitted.
> "Short men do this a lot and make it impossible to say "Eh, your height doesn't bother me, but I like X about you." Men who see themselves as ugly do this." Wait, you think telling someone, "Don't worry, your ugliness doesn't bother me. After all, you're friendly!" is a reasonable thing to say someone? That's the exact opposite of making X trait a non-issue.
I think this is a response after they complained about their own height. "oh man, why am I so short?" - "hey man, that doesnt bother me at all, you look great none the less"
More like you can't say "I like you" because all they talk about 24/7 is how no one will date someone their height. You would practically need to give a sworn affidavit that you didn't care. They don't let you avoid the issue by talking about anything else at all.
It becomes a case of "No one loves me because of my big hairy wart. Want to see my big hairy wart? Let me tell you how many hairs it has. I've actually named all the hairs. This grey one is called George. It's vastly uglier than the other hairs because it's grey..." Ad nauseum, making it absolutely impossible to go "My, what lovely hands you have. Gosh, that's a terrific jacket and it really goes well with your eyes. Want to have coffee sometime?"
They basically insist you love their wart upfront in a way that just makes the entire thing a non starter no matter how hard you try to avoid the topic of their wart and focus on other things. No, their wart is their entire dating identity and only someone with a wart fetish could possibly figure out how to work things out with them.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#107It's one thing to know this, but another to actually feel it. For a variety of reasons, I get quite bad paranoia sometimes that nobody actually likes me. I feel like at best they tolerate me, and at worst are using me. It's a really shitty feeling to feel. It's caused me to drift away from a lot of friendships because I think "they don't really like me", and then months or years later, I run into them and they ask me…
Sounds like some combination of low-grade depression and anxiety. It's not helped by modern society generally not expressing gratitude or affection for each other. What you're feeling is pretty common.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#108Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sorry you had to go through such a shitty aftermath. That sounds terrifying. It sounds like he took the compliment as a sign that you were really serious about him and the relationship, whereas you intended it just as a statement about his eyes. The “nutcase levels of obsessed” part sounds like a pre-existing problem / part of this guy’s temperament, rather than a normal response to receiving compliments. The people…
I think a key detail is he wasn't especially good looking and I complimented him on a physical trait. I've known lots of people over the years who had baggage over X and who made X into some big damn deal where it was impossible to say you liked them without it going weird places. Short men do this a lot and make it impossible to say "Eh, your height doesn't bother me, but I like X about you." Men who see themselves…
I know you deleted your other comment, but I'd still like to respond to one point about it. I hope that doesnt give you any troubles, if so, please mention it and I will delete my comment.
> He made it absolutely impossible to tell him I liked him without it going really terrible places.
I feel for him. I do have ADHD as well, and it is very hard for me to accept compliments. I was also bullied in school which I assume also plays into this. Everytime someone compliments me, I feel like I am getting set up for a joke. Raising your hopes, and then slashing them in the most hurtfull way possible. "Oh wait, you actually thought I like your eyes? lmao you're such an idiot"
But I do also agree that you're not his therapist, and that he probably should have talked to his therapist(which I assume he saw for his adhd) about it. I did. Its great.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#109These are true stories. I don't wish to come across as bragging. The last day of a job I had for seven years, the director of engineering told me I was the best engineer he ever knew. And he worked for some pretty well known engineering firms. If he had told me that before, I might not have left. A woman came into my office--someone who didn't seem to want to give me the time of day--and the conversation got around t…
Reminds me of a video I saw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqq1roF4C8s
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#110Earlier quoted context omitted.
Have you seen that his statement was a reaction to a New Yorker investigation about how his attitude had discouraged women from contributing to the kernel? "Torvalds’s decision to step aside came after The New Yorker asked him a series of questions about his conduct for a story on complaints about his abusive behavior discouraging women from working as Linux-kernel programmers." He is in disgrace.
The New Yorker article didn't reveal anything that wasn't well-known in the technical community for years, nor did it turn up any instances of misogyny or sexual harassment. They even mentioned that there's no evidence that he's been more abusive to women than men. It wasn't clear to me why they even ran the story - seems like they were trying for another #MeToo moment, but just ended up restating the obvious: obsess…
but just ended up restating the obvious: obsessive male geeks can be a pain to work with (regardless of gender)
I wish we could get this message out there. If more women are interested in programming, great, but all I care about is making software development less of a toxic, alpha-geek hellhole for the people already in it.