Ask HN: What do you struggle with? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#471

Post by icc97 » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 12:31 PM UTC

AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #201

Everything worth doing and about half of the things that aren't. If I had to pick one thing, it'd be my weight. I've lost 150lbs and have been keeping it off for years. People who've never lost a significant amount of weight (north of 50lbs) probably can't understand what it is like to have to fight your body every day of your life. I have to avoid temptation as much as possible, which means keeping only enough food…

> I've lost 150lbs and have been keeping it off for years.

Congratulations for keeping it off.

Losing weight is hard enough, but keeping it off year after year seems almost impossible.

I wonder what proportion of people who follow each diet have lost weight and kept it off for more than (say) 10 years.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#472

Post by [deleted] » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 12:32 PM UTC

roryisok wrote: post #83

Odenwaelder wrote: post #15

I struggle with the question whether to have children or not. I'm surrounded by new fathers who struggle with their children, whose wives have turned from attractive women into unattractive moms. I read witty comments all the time suggesting how much of a burden kids are. This struggle burns me out.

I don't know what to tell you. I love my kids, and i would absolutely make the same decision over again, but a lot of what you said rings true. Kids are a burden. Of course they are. They're not self sufficient. You literally have to carry them around for the first 2 years. I found your unattractive moms comment a bit shallow, but let's talk about it. Everyone ages, looks don't last forever regardless of kids. The mo…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#473

Post by unixhero » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 12:58 PM UTC

Answering questions from a top down thinking, bordering on the existential, but still tangible:

- What am I doing with my life

- Why am I an employee

- What is the point of this?

- What is my plan?

- What is my strategy?

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#474

Post by jackallis » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 1:16 PM UTC

ChuckMcM wrote: post #240

I have a very wide area of interests, and doing things takes time. But while I'm doing thing 'A', I think about the fact that I'm making no progress on 'B', 'C', ... 'n' and it distracts me both from thinking as deeply as I need to on thing 'A' and the enjoyment I get from getting something done. So I struggle with letting go of the desire to get everything done that I can imagine would be fun and interesting to do.

https://www.ted.com/talks/emilie_wapnick_why_some_of_us_don_...

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#475

Post by jackallis » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 1:19 PM UTC

mrdependable wrote: post #31

I've been struggling with adulthood ever since turning 30 and starting a family. I have this image in my head of what life after 30 looks like from seeing my parents and all their friends doing basically the same thing as each other. It's not a life I want for myself, but every decision I make pushes me further and further in that direction. My mind has been programmed to think and act in a way that eventually lands…

specifics. specifics. specifics.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#476

Post by r3n » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 1:57 PM UTC

androidgirl wrote: post #22

Depression. I have a lot of social anxiety and I feel really isolated, my best friend passed two years ago which didn't make anything better. Isolation makes depression into a feedback loop, and it feels like you keep sinking deeper and deeper.

I read "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" recently and think this book can help you.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#477

Post by k4ch0w » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 1:59 PM UTC

starpilot wrote: post #178

I struggle with crippling social anxiety and shyness that has affected every aspect of my life. I'm 33. It's made job interviews awkward/uncomfortable, and even made it hard to find rock climbing partners because I'm not really fun to be around. I don't know what to do. Therapists haven't helped.

Read how to win friends and influence people. I used to have similar issues and you just need to understand what people want out of an interaction. My crippling social anxiety is put at bay by constantly pushing past my comfort zone. It's a slow process but eventually it kinda just stops.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#478

Post by nradov » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 2:07 PM UTC

AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #351

nradov wrote: post #281

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The idea that caloric restriction diets cause metabolic damage is basically a myth. If it happens at all the effect is very small. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/22327054/ Chances are you are underestimating your intake, or overestimating how much you burn through exercise. I don't mean that as a personal critique: most people are terrible at that kind of estimation.

I make no adjustment for calories burned through exercise at all. 1600/day is 1600/day regardless of how long I spent at the gym.

The absolute number of calories is meaningless without knowing your height, weight, body composition, and activity level. However an American man of average size with moderate activity will lose weight consuming 1600kcal/day. It's very likely that you're underestimating, or not actually counting everything you consume.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#479

Post by adamc » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 2:08 PM UTC

brown-dragon wrote: post #228

adamc wrote: post #124

Depression, particularly since my wife of 28 years divorced me. It has gotten a lot better in recent months, but it's almost two years since she asked for the divorce. And as I have turned to spiritual and mental health work to alleviate my depression, staying interesting in tech stuff. Although Racket and Rust look kind of fun.

28 years! It frightens me and boggles my mind how something like this can happen after being married for so long. Looking back do you have any idea why? I'm sorry for your loss and I hope it'll get better for you soon. As others have said it's perfectly normal to feel depressed at such a life altering event and it probably does take a year or two to recover.

Some chronic depression before, maybe. But mostly, she said she wanted to find herself, and she couldn't do that with others around -- too hard to "hear herself think".

Which is to say, I don't really know and never will.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#480

Post by TheGrumpyBrit » Thu, Aug 30, 2018, 2:08 PM UTC

adiusmus wrote: post #449

allthenews wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This comment comes off as intensely smug, from someone who has little experience with difficulty in dating. Things are not so simple. In fact, the very nature of social interaction is such that it cannot be preemptively, logically broken down and solved. Many men have trouble getting past step 1 on the dating apps you list. The funnel of capture, so to speak, from message to response can be extremely wide, both on an…

Simple does not imply easy. Go forth into the world and find someone. Expect failure. She may find fault in you. You may find fault in her. Evaluate her as much as she evaluates you. Evaluate your approach, how you speak etc. You’ll need to improve and change. Being afraid to approach means you equate failure with some kind of death. That by itself is a faulty belief you’ll need experience to get rid of. If you want…

Or just modify your goals and your definition of failure to reflect the fact that the other party is an actual human being, not some video game boss who you can keep trying different things with until something sticks.

Most of the people you're attracted to won't feel the same about you, or be in a position to act on it if they are. That's just how it is, and for the most part, there's nothing you can do about it. Sure, being friendly and personable won't hurt, but what they find attractive is one of their attributes, not yours. If you're going to base your definition of success or failure on how a stranger feels about you, you're going to find yourself very disappointed a lot of the time.

A conversation with another human being isn't a failure just because it didn't end with a sexual encounter or you getting their number. It's perfectly acceptable to just shoot the shit with a stranger for 5 minutes and both go on with your day without even exchanging names if that's how it feels like it's going. That's still a step up from spending that 5 minutes furtively glancing at them from across the room, and you've actually had some social interaction with another human being.

Also, can we just quit with this "friendzone" thing? It's not some heinous insult for a woman to consider you a friend. Great, you're attracted to her. I'm happy for you. But if she doesn't feel the same way, then you establish communication at the lowest common protocol. She's proposed friends. If you can communicate as friends, you have a new friend - is that really so bad? If you can't communicate as friends, you negotiate further down to the next available protocol, and now you're just an acquaintance who says hi when you happen to be in the same room.

We're talking about having a conversation with another human being. You don't need to interview them or manipulate them towards some goal - just have a conversation without an ulterior motive. You might be surprised at what you see when you stop looking so hard.