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The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

nytimes.com

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Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#71

Post by fsloth »

40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

If I may bluntly say: Go with the higher paying job, then continue with your dreams. You'll have much more energy to put into your idea if you don't need to worry about finances so much.

If you are unsure, read Adam Grant's "Originals". Many of the high achievers he documents there we not in fact risk takers, but extremely careful about many things.

You can take risks, but not all out risks. Have a solid basis, and then use that as a foundation to build something new. I.e. be totally conventional and security seeking in everything else except in your dream project. That way you have the capacity to fail and learn for a longer time while working on your idea, hence increasing the likelihood of eventual success.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#72

Post by jhanschoo »

fivecents wrote: post #66

I can't help but think... wouldn't the average Chinese be much better off if the current Taiwanese gov. still ruled China? I mean, look at Taiwan... it has nothing (no land, no diplomatic ties, etc). Yet it has a lot (decent economy for avg. joe, democracy, etc). Compare this to the current PRC: - cultural revolution wiped out most of the smart people - centries of wrong economic policy (until pretty recent radical c…

Note that the KMT did not always do well by it's people either. Note the White Terror. Nevertheless still a far cry from the Great Leap Forward.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#73

Post by khc »

fivecents wrote: post #66

I can't help but think... wouldn't the average Chinese be much better off if the current Taiwanese gov. still ruled China? I mean, look at Taiwan... it has nothing (no land, no diplomatic ties, etc). Yet it has a lot (decent economy for avg. joe, democracy, etc). Compare this to the current PRC: - cultural revolution wiped out most of the smart people - centries of wrong economic policy (until pretty recent radical c…

Would Taiwan have democracy if its government weren't forced to excile?

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#74

Post by Laforet »

fivecents wrote: post #69
jstanley wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> if the current Taiwanese gov. still ruled China? Did the current Taiwanese government ever rule China?

unfortunately, for a very-short-time :( maybe you can even say it mostly didn't happen

Technically, no. The ruling DP party was formed locally and never ruled in China. The institution itself also bears little in common with the previous nationalist regime.

Follwing the civil war Taiwan was under three decades of martial law and the government was effectively an autocracy ruled by presidential decrees and led by a minority of migrants from the mainland. Without US support they would not have survived that long to see development and liberalisation.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#75

Post by kos_ »

dangero wrote: post #8

This resonated with me as an introvert and I'm not Chinese. There have been many times that I've realized, I should have spent more time collecting connections and less time working in front of the screen. I think this also relates to the values my parents gave me that I should work for everything I have and hard work pays off. They never asked anyone for a favor or special privileges, so I never put much value on ne…

You don't need to collect the "right" kind of friends. This kind of thinking strips the humanity out of the process. It's an understandable conclusion but highly misleading.

The simplest heuristic to use that will get you to a better place - is to maintain/grow the connect with people you care about. What does that mean? Why do you care about certain ppl? How do they make you feel? What needs of yours are they meeting? How well do you understand/misunderstand their needs?And what is involved in maintaining and growing the connect through good and bad times?

The world can be divided into people who think about these questions all the time and those who don't. No guesses to who has more connections and is more comfortable calling in favours.

The good news is you too can spend time on those questions even if you currently don't. The more you do and deeper your answers get the more satisfying your life gets.

A large part of the human brain is devoted to social connection. But you have to learn and exercise it for the best results.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#76

Post by iamgopal »

fspeech wrote: post #38
dangero wrote: post #8

This resonated with me as an introvert and I'm not Chinese. There have been many times that I've realized, I should have spent more time collecting connections and less time working in front of the screen. I think this also relates to the values my parents gave me that I should work for everything I have and hard work pays off. They never asked anyone for a favor or special privileges, so I never put much value on ne…

Not sure favors can really save someone in time of need. They tend to help when one's trajectory is up, not down. Like banks love to loan to people who don't need to borrow.

And they may solve this problem only emotional point of view.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#77

Post by ak39 »

I am not familiar with nuances of Chinese culture, but I was so intrigued by the "guanxi" phenomenon that I immediately and gladly spent half an hour reading about it and watching Youtube videos of the "guanxi" culture in China.[1]

"Guanxi" is nothing other than socially institutionalised networks of non-monetary favours and counter-favours. It happens in every culture actually but the thing that makes "quanxi" uniquely Chinese, in my very recent opinion, is that the folks living there have removed it from their subconscious, their latent and dissonant reality and made it front and center of their everyday thinking and living philosophy. They gave it a name! It seems they've accepted it as part of a means of survival in a world of scarcity and in so doing have collectively abandoned the shame associated with relying on favours. They've removed the shame of accepting that it's not only merit or competency alone that gets you ahead - because there are many competent in a land of 1 billion citizens - but also who you know to get you to ply your skills.

Now it seems meritocracy, as it is explained in Jianan Qian's excellently written article, is about how _competent_ you are with your "guanxi". Next level shit, this.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2GBL-IfY3Q

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#78

Post by iamgopal »

lovelearning wrote: post #42
User23 wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s the right decision. You will be able to take what you learned home and create wealth for thousands, if not more. India is going to surpass China in the next century.

India is going to surpass China in the next century. Just curious, but this statement surprised me. Surpass in what ways? GDP? Per capita income? Standard of living? Population? Level of honesty? Level of corruption? Level of transparency? Any studies you can recommend that reach these conclusions?

Apart from population, in which factor ? India needs to reduce brain drain and population before even starting imaging compete with anyone.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#79

Post by fivecents »

khc wrote: post #73
fivecents wrote: post #66

I can't help but think... wouldn't the average Chinese be much better off if the current Taiwanese gov. still ruled China? I mean, look at Taiwan... it has nothing (no land, no diplomatic ties, etc). Yet it has a lot (decent economy for avg. joe, democracy, etc). Compare this to the current PRC: - cultural revolution wiped out most of the smart people - centries of wrong economic policy (until pretty recent radical c…

Would Taiwan have democracy if its government weren't forced to excile?

[flagged]

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#80

Post by spyckie2 »

fivecents wrote: post #66

I can't help but think... wouldn't the average Chinese be much better off if the current Taiwanese gov. still ruled China? I mean, look at Taiwan... it has nothing (no land, no diplomatic ties, etc). Yet it has a lot (decent economy for avg. joe, democracy, etc). Compare this to the current PRC: - cultural revolution wiped out most of the smart people - centries of wrong economic policy (until pretty recent radical c…

OP: Please keep Taiwan / China relations off my comments. Thanks.
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