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The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

nytimes.com

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Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#51

Post by kaskavalci »

cbhl wrote: post #33

One of the least useful pieces of start-up advice I received in college was, "if your startup fails, don't worry, you can go live in your parents' basement." Well, fine, if your parents owned their home, the worst you have to deal with is the shame of failing. If I did a start-up and it failed, it's probable that my parents wouldn't even have a basement for me to return home to.

Hence you don't have a safety net and can't be an entrepreneur. If you can take the chance of getting rich or becoming homeless, good luck with that. Otherwise, 9-5 jobs are the only option.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#52

Post by poof131 »

40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

Don’t view it as an either-or. Figure out the best step now for you, perhaps a higher paying job. But that job can lead to opportunities and you may have more cushion and connections to make a better jump into whatever else you want to do later. Think of it as risk management [1]. Too much stress and you won’t function. Manage risk and manage stress to a level that works best for you. Somewhere past perseverance lies adaptability & flexibility at number six on the life checklist. [2]

[1] https://www.public.navy.mil/NAVSAFECEN/PublishingImages/ORM/...

[2] https://slideplayer.com/slide/8751842/26/images/15/CRM+Situa...

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#53

Post by mafro »

fouc wrote: post #40

This is a very bizarre story. Not everyone has the inclination to develop connections, nor should they. Not everyone is motivated by more "practical" careers. The truth is if she had a chance to repeat her life, she'd probably still choose to pursue her literary dreams. She made the decision multiple times in her life to focus on other things besides connections or going for some "practical" career. She knew there wo…

Have you never regretted decisions made?

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#55

Post by DoreenMichele »

fouc wrote: post #40

This is a very bizarre story. Not everyone has the inclination to develop connections, nor should they. Not everyone is motivated by more "practical" careers. The truth is if she had a chance to repeat her life, she'd probably still choose to pursue her literary dreams. She made the decision multiple times in her life to focus on other things besides connections or going for some "practical" career. She knew there wo…

Her closing remarks indicate it doesn't matter what choice she makes, she will have regrets. The end of the piece indicates it is systemic, a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation that shouldn't exist. It also describes a situation where the system sets you up for failure, then blames you when you fail.

They disappear people in China for criticizing the government. This strikes me as a left-handed critique of China, hopefully one that won't come back to bite the author.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#56

Post by fspeech »

bxtt wrote: post #4

As an Asian-American, I'm struggling through the same dilemma as well. I've been given a huge opportunity to move to Asia and to initiate a program at a Fortune 100 company, but recently my parents have gotten very ill. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and has had multiple surgeries. My mom has a myriad of health issues, and I feel painfully selfish by not helping them. They would never burden me, and pushi…

How big is the opportunity? If it raises your income significantly will you be able to hire help to take care of some of the needs of your parents? Make your parents proud of your achievement can be an important factor to consider, esp. in the context of Asian culture.

In terms of medicine I think it is important to educate yourself about the particular problems your parents are facing. Medical books and journals are not that inaccessible to a well-educated person and not that time consuming to get a decent understanding of if you focus on problems at hand. Helping them understand their diseases and the medical system and set the right expectations may alleviate some of their anxieties.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#57

Post by barrkel »

ssm008 wrote: post #7
40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

Try this exercise: Write down what will happen if you were to die right now. For me, this answers most questions about what I should do.

Life insurance pays out. This doesn't answer much for me.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#59

Post by fspeech »

femto wrote: post #41

I read it as a commentary on corruption, contacts and money governing access to things that should otherwise be accessible. People are so bogged down in trying to survive the system, often for the sake of dependents, that they don't have the time to change it. Edit: Added bit about dependents.

If every patient demands the "best" doctor then indeed no system could satisfy everyone. If instead one settles for a competent doctor, esp. for a standard case I don't see why such care can't be routinely accessed in a place like Shanghai. Rural China is another story.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#60

Post by User23 »

lovelearning wrote: post #42
User23 wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s the right decision. You will be able to take what you learned home and create wealth for thousands, if not more. India is going to surpass China in the next century.

India is going to surpass China in the next century. Just curious, but this statement surprised me. Surpass in what ways? GDP? Per capita income? Standard of living? Population? Level of honesty? Level of corruption? Level of transparency? Any studies you can recommend that reach these conclusions?

We all know that diversity drives positive economic outcomes. India is by far the most diverse large country on the planet. That combined with her diaspora to the west and the consequent knowledge transfer, in addition to not being a major strategic rival to the USA, adds up to an extremely positive medium to long term outlook.

Yes there are major problems with corruption, it's true, but there are major problems with corruption in China and the USA for that matter. It's just in the USA the corruption is much more sophisticated and genteel. I mean this positively and I honestly believe Indian corruption is going to move toward the US model thanks to the large numbers of Indian nationals who have seen how much better that kind of corruption works. It's a classic case of not letting the perfect be the enemy of the less bad.

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