Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 310 posts

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#31

Post by sombremesa »

User23 wrote: post #15
obulpathi wrote: post #9

I came to US about 10 years ago. Finished my PhD and spent about 4 years in Software Industry. Saved some money. US has taught me a lot about entrepreneurship and software. Now moving to India for good to work on my own startup, spend more time with my hobbies and to stay close with my parents who are in their 60's. It took me more than an year to convince my parents (hardest to convince was my Mom) and my Wife. Look…

It’s the right decision. You will be able to take what you learned home and create wealth for thousands, if not more. India is going to surpass China in the next century.

India is one of the hardest countries to do business in. On top of that, many businesspeople (not to mention the government) are dishonest and will happily run with your money. The "guanxi" situation outlined above very much applies in India.

I'd be curious to see how someone educated on American entrepreneurship performs.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#32

Post by contingencies »

User23 wrote: post #15
obulpathi wrote: post #9

I came to US about 10 years ago. Finished my PhD and spent about 4 years in Software Industry. Saved some money. US has taught me a lot about entrepreneurship and software. Now moving to India for good to work on my own startup, spend more time with my hobbies and to stay close with my parents who are in their 60's. It took me more than an year to convince my parents (hardest to convince was my Mom) and my Wife. Look…

It’s the right decision. You will be able to take what you learned home and create wealth for thousands, if not more. India is going to surpass China in the next century.

India is going to surpass China in the next century.

Might need some anti-corruption startups to make that happen outside of cricket...

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#33

Post by cbhl »

One of the least useful pieces of start-up advice I received in college was, "if your startup fails, don't worry, you can go live in your parents' basement."

Well, fine, if your parents owned their home, the worst you have to deal with is the shame of failing. If I did a start-up and it failed, it's probable that my parents wouldn't even have a basement for me to return home to.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#34

Post by laumars »

40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

It's trendy to run your own start up but honestly I'd rather work for an established company on a decent wage and have my startup idea as side projects for fun. If they become profitable then I get a little extra pocket money. However more often than not it's just something to scratch a personal itch so I'd rather just give it away to the open source community since it has already been so generous to me and my career.

This seems a rather unpopular (at least if you read HN) philosophy these days but it keeps me financially secure, my skills sharp and my attention focused on the stuff that actually matters (family, personal health and happiness etc).

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#35

Post by appleiigs »

nambit wrote: post #19
appleiigs wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm asian. I'm not american. I think weighing career dreams (a stereotypical american thing) versus taking care my parents (a stereotypical asian thing) is not even a close decision. When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office. I'm in no way saying my opinion is correct, because everyone has different values. I'm just sharing my surprise of the dilemma in your post and the o…

To what end?

We are working on our own businesses. She will be at a point where she can hire staff soon to provide her more flexibility to travel here more. I'm running a side project which may change my career, allowing me to move. Other plans/alternatives too... situation is temporary even though it's measured in years.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#36

Post by bxtt »

appleiigs wrote: post #14
bxtt wrote: post #4

As an Asian-American, I'm struggling through the same dilemma as well. I've been given a huge opportunity to move to Asia and to initiate a program at a Fortune 100 company, but recently my parents have gotten very ill. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and has had multiple surgeries. My mom has a myriad of health issues, and I feel painfully selfish by not helping them. They would never burden me, and pushi…

I'm asian. I'm not american. I think weighing career dreams (a stereotypical american thing) versus taking care my parents (a stereotypical asian thing) is not even a close decision. When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office. I'm in no way saying my opinion is correct, because everyone has different values. I'm just sharing my surprise of the dilemma in your post and the o…

For me, it's about chasing after an opportunity that will potentially change my career and life. I grew up with nothing, so I chase after everything. My parents were illegals and watching the struggle was very impactful. Even if I decided to go back and take care of them, I would get an earful.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#37

Post by ssm008 »

sombremesa wrote: post #22
ssm008 wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try this exercise: Write down what will happen if you were to die right now. For me, this answers most questions about what I should do.

Pretty much nothing will happen, unless you have dependents. Whatever will happen might have mattered for you, but you're dead. Quite a lot of people have died already with not a lot of consequence.

I agree that on the whole, nothing matters. But in a felt sense, my life matters more when I have other people to care for and interact with or some goal that needs to be reached. Reflecting on my inevitable end gives a sense of urgency and an appreciation of the people around me.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#38

Post by fspeech »

dangero wrote: post #8

This resonated with me as an introvert and I'm not Chinese. There have been many times that I've realized, I should have spent more time collecting connections and less time working in front of the screen. I think this also relates to the values my parents gave me that I should work for everything I have and hard work pays off. They never asked anyone for a favor or special privileges, so I never put much value on ne…

Not sure favors can really save someone in time of need. They tend to help when one's trajectory is up, not down. Like banks love to loan to people who don't need to borrow.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#39

Post by bigcity »

mrb wrote: post #21
40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

Here is a practical thought experiment that might help you: picture yourself many years from now, on your deathbed; would you have more regrets of having gone down path A or B?

I had these thoughts before...but realized there is no point optimizing life for the last six months.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#40

Post by fouc »

This is a very bizarre story.

Not everyone has the inclination to develop connections, nor should they.

Not everyone is motivated by more "practical" careers.

The truth is if she had a chance to repeat her life, she'd probably still choose to pursue her literary dreams.

She made the decision multiple times in her life to focus on other things besides connections or going for some "practical" career. She knew there would be different opportunities/costs regardless of the direction she chose.

It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to suddenly feel bitter regret about this. That's just hypocritical.

Post reply on HN