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The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

nytimes.com

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Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#21

Post by mrb »

40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

Here is a practical thought experiment that might help you: picture yourself many years from now, on your deathbed; would you have more regrets of having gone down path A or B?

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#22

Post by sombremesa »

ssm008 wrote: post #7
40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

Try this exercise: Write down what will happen if you were to die right now. For me, this answers most questions about what I should do.

Pretty much nothing will happen, unless you have dependents. Whatever will happen might have mattered for you, but you're dead.

Quite a lot of people have died already with not a lot of consequence.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#23

Post by achow »

onion2k wrote: post #12
RikNieu wrote: post #5

A common trend I've noticed with successful founders in my small circle - little responsibilities to dependents and a ridiculous abundance of just-in-case-it-fails funds.

Anecdotally, that's the opposite of my experience in startups. The founders who had funds to fall back on (or a job they could easily return to, or parents who could help them through tough times, etc) mostly either failed outright or ran their startup for years without really getting anywhere. I think the reason is that they didn't need to succeed. They were 'playing' at startups. It didn't matter if they failed. Th…

That is true.

But what one of the two points of OP is while you are running a startup, which would fail if you take your attention away, your chance of making it a success would be orders of magnitude higher if you don't have to care about your aged parents medical bills, or home mortgage, etc.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#25

Post by killjoywashere »

willvarfar wrote: post #6

So healthcare in China is two-tier? Excellent care for those with money or connections, and bad care for everyone else? The author works in America as a writer (and the prose is excellent! Hard to believe English is a second language!). Would things be any different if the mother lived in the states with her daughter? Would healthcare be better for her, or would it only be better if they were richer than they are? As…

I trained in a major US West Coast city and had plenty of Chinese colleagues and friends in the neighborhood doing business with Chinese hospitals.

It's much worse than that. More like massively overworked doctors seeing patients in a room where the door is held open by the line of people outside, desparate family members pressing their life savings into doctors' hands, and, if the outcome is bad, hunting the doctors down to kill them.

Stories of clinic rooms separated only by mucus-covered meat-locker curtains. Bribes to get pathology cases read by US pathologists. Dual-appointed Chinese professors in the US, directing trials in China that would never happen in the US.

I never had a discussion with anyone encouraging me to go to China, no one told my about the miracles of Chinese medicine. Horror stories, every, single, time.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#26

Post by sixstringbudha »

40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

> I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work..

No mortal being have unlimited time at their disposal. Very few have the fortitude and discipline and above all, guts, to use it for realizing what ever "dream" that they have.

We all have responsibilities. But some does not hide behind them.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#28

Post by modells »

cowmoo728 wrote: post #18
willvarfar wrote: post #6

So healthcare in China is two-tier? Excellent care for those with money or connections, and bad care for everyone else? The author works in America as a writer (and the prose is excellent! Hard to believe English is a second language!). Would things be any different if the mother lived in the states with her daughter? Would healthcare be better for her, or would it only be better if they were richer than they are? As…

Two tier healthcare in China is more like the doctors refuse to do anything for you, or the hospital refuses to admit you. https://qz.com/1206738/the-death-of-a-chinese-flu-patient-re... The new yorker has a much more in depth diagnosis of health care in China. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/08/25/under-the-knif...

That sounds like Valley Medical here in Si Valley. Ostensibly, they have to "accept everyone" but realistically, they put people on buses and send them elsewhere. Also, there are many specialties with zero appointments available and no waiting list... they require calling up at a certain time like getting Yosemite campgrounds. So much for capitalism and the miracles of being "better" than socialism.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#29

Post by blauditore »

40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

This may sound obvious, but have you considered part-time work? If you look out for it, there's a good chance you might find software companies supporting it. Compensation might not be as stellar though, but at least it's a guaranteed income and you still have some time for your side project.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#30

Post by projektir »

mrb wrote: post #21
40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

Here is a practical thought experiment that might help you: picture yourself many years from now, on your deathbed; would you have more regrets of having gone down path A or B?

My issue with this thought experiment is that I'm not convinced that one's thoughts at one's deathbed have a lot of value.

Being lucid at one's deathbed is already a positive situation that might simply not happen under some circumstances.

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