Thank you HN

Good to hear. Keep in mind, this part is true for literally everyone:

> Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be

Someone suggested to me that my anger was inwardly focused and that had a direct causative effect on my depression. That rang true for me. So my first work on that was to get my anger directed in an outward fashion. At first, that entailed literally breaking stuff, chopping wood, climbing steep hills on my bike until it hurt, just get that energy going in the right direction. Get it out in the moment instead of bottling it up, fermenting it, then serving an explosion of it to some undeserving person who happened to be in my proximity.

Later some anger management came in. When I felt anger, I would pause, take a breath and assess why I felt wronged in a situation. If the reality check was the other person was crossing one of my boundaries, I would express that boundary and uphold it in as gentle a way as I was able. Which sometimes was pretty brutal, but my intent was always to de-escalate and ask for what I needed without expectation. If the reality check was I had expectations, particularly unreasonable ones, I would just own it, laugh at myself and move on. Maybe share it with some people in my support network.

Later, as naikrovek alluded to in his reply, I started working through childhood trauma issues with a therapist. That's when I got the most relief, though I'm not sure I could have skipped straight to therapy without doing all that other stuff first. Discovering my primary trauma as feelings of being unseen and unheard put things into perspective that made it very manageable. I just make sure I'm being seen and heard, and those skills evolve over time.

When I feel anger and it isn't about any of the above, I take it as a call to action to try to invoke some change. Mostly with myself, though at times I will put ideas out there for other people to contemplate. Acceptance is the key, however I should not accept the unacceptable. If it has to do with others, I invoke a cost benefit analysis to see if I want to fight, and if so, then I do. If I don't feel the fight is worth it, then I use what I call the short version of The Serenity Prayer, which is "Fuck it". I can't say I let it go, but I leave it alone. If it comes up in a recurring resentment kind of pattern, I just remind myself I'm leaving it alone. That gets a lot easier with time.

Perhaps I'm oversharing for a forum such as this. I hope it is helpful in some way; we all have our own journeys. Maybe none of this applies to you. I feel the key things are, be honest with yourself about how well your choices and strategies are working for you, and make sure you have some support. Some real people who really care enough to listen to you and help you without judgment. And most importantly, people who will tell you the truth no matter how painful it may be to you.

French here.

33k is fairly decent in Paris, with no degree and no experience.

Outside of Paris, it's really good. It's above the average for a top degree in a top school.

Normally I only lurk here but I wanted to say that I support your claim. Been suffering from anxiety and later also depression for almost 5 years now. After 3 years I started jogging every other day. My good episodes last so much longer, bad ones are less severe, panic attacks have decreased from daily or weekly to every 3 - 6 months and are much shorter and better to handle and the general feeling of unease have also decreased. Also I did behavioural therapy from the start and never took medication. The therapy helped by giving me methods I could used when the panic kicked in or dark thoughts would begin clouding my mind. But sports helped me to feel good again for the first time in years. That was incredibly empowering. Even if it doesn't appear to help after the first exercise, give it a little time and watch the magic.