Memoirs of a Bullied Kid • Hacker News Board

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#91

Post by Confusion » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 9:51 AM UTC

bootload wrote: post #56

lionhearted wrote: post #11

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

"... But son, as soon as someone puts their hands on you, they've crossed a line. Fuck them up. It's the only thing these vicious freaks understand. They're wild animals. They make violence on you, you need to show them that you're the stronger, bigger animal. When someone attacks you maliciously for no reason, you need to impose your will on them. ..." And the first girl who uses an indirect asymmetric attack? This…

I agree with feral's reply: I think you have never actually tried to use Aikido in a real hand-to-hand combat situation, let alone with the intent to prevent harm. I'll tell you what will happen: you will get your ass kicked spectacularly, because actually applying those techniques in the wild is incredibly hard and it gets much harder after the first punch that connected with your nose.

If you are going the way of fighting, the advise is simple: keep the fight as short as possible, by eliminating the opponents ability to fight on the first possible occasion. In one situation, a square hit in the face may remove all their resolve to continue fighting. In another situation, you may need to do serious damage. Whatever the situation: don't dance around and do what is required to prevent yourself from getting hurt.

(Luckily I've never been in an actual fight, but I regularly insist my jiu-jitsu training partners behave like they would in a real fight for a bit, instead of cooperating with the exercise. That always puts my ability to actually fight in a humbling perspective. What I learn from that is what you will hear others say: keep it simple (complex techniques fail much more often), hurt them as soon as possible (pain distracts people immensely) and keep it short (the longer the fight takes, the more chance for you to make a mistake, for him to grab a weapon, for someone to join in, etc.). A hard punch on the nose is the best start of any fight.)

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#92

Post by dagw » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 9:56 AM UTC

DifE-Q wrote: post #39

lionhearted wrote: post #11

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

I think you are very much right about this. Bullies stop bullying almost always after they have been beat down or at least stood up to. No amount of reasoning will change them. As an anecdotal example: I knew a kid that was bullied in High School constantly by another kid. I and a few others told the bully many times to lay off and nobody thought it was funny. So the bully wasn't doing it to impress anyone else or an…

Had the bully not been hurt...not only would he have beat the kids ass but he would have continued to bully the kid - that I have no doubt in my mind.

I have doubt. When I was in school I was bullied by a couple of kids, and one day I just said fuck it and got into a fight, and lost. A couple of days later, more bullying, new fight, lost again. There may have been a third fight, I don't really recall, but even though I never actually won a fight, just being willing to put up a fight was apparently enough to make that particular bully leave me alone. Bullying is rarely something personal and if there is someone easier to bully most bullies will take the path of least resistance.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#93

Post by Nick_C » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 10:05 AM UTC

Scared31YearOld wrote: post #65

Dan's open some seriously deep wounds..... Am a 31 year old and this is a throw away account. I have asked many questions here on HN and some, read correctly, clearly showed my level of self-belief. Since the age of 13 I was bullied, very little physical, mainly regarding my appearence and colour. I am Indian, a little darker than my fellow indian school mates. As I grew up, the the name calling and the playground bu…

You are clinically depressed; lack of concentration and motivation, and morbidity are key indicators, as is the sense of failure. The correct drugs will help the morbidity and motivation; counselling, particularly CBT, will help the sense of failure. Combined, they will treat the disease.

See a doctor straight away. You have had these symptoms for more than a few months so start treating it seriously.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#94

Post by dagw » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 10:06 AM UTC

DifE-Q wrote: post #40

pasbesoin wrote: post #19

If I ever have kids, they get martial arts training. From someone who emphasizes self-awareness and a productive discipline, but who does not skimp on the full range of effective techniques and the physical training to achieve them. They may like it more or less. Regardless, it will be a part of their schooling. Bullying ends when you end it. There may be more than one way to accomplish this, but when you're outnumbe…

As somebody who knows...skip the traditional martial arts and get them into wrestling and Brazilian Jui Jitsu. Anything else will just turn into an embarrassing situation.

100% agreement. Simple rule, if your martial art training's only form of sparring consists of defending against pre-defined attacks or attacks done at less than full speed, then it simple won't be effective in a fight. Also if you only learn how to hit people for points rather than for damage then chances are that's how you'll hit when you end up in a real fight.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#95

Post by Robin_Message » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 10:07 AM UTC

aidenn0 wrote: post #54

VladRussian wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>If you're not strong enough to impose your will on someone making violence on you, then train and get stronger. If you're intelligent, it doesn't matter if the other guy is bigger than you. Take up boxing or martial arts. Brain beats brawn. In 9th grade having a little boxing under my belt, i was attacked by and successfully won the fight with 2 10th graders. Well, a half-day latter, the 10+ of them met me. Not ever…

Very true. The biggest problem with the parent comment is that this can and does happen. I've known plenty of bullied kids who scrapped it out only to have the bully's entire clique ambush them the next day.

If you were ambushed and seriously beaten, then I would expect the school to expel the ringleader, suspend the others and get the police involved. One-on-one in school is one thing, but once they start planning ambushes they have gone over the "child" line.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#96

Post by twillerelator » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 10:25 AM UTC

lotharbot wrote: post #25

lionhearted wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good comment, thanks for the reply. To clarify, you only "fuck them up" when they make violence on you. After they put their hands on you or someone innocent, they're in the wrong and they've forfeited their moral right. Also, something to think about - > Bullies are not "wild animals" bullying for "no reason", they're people with unique intellects and desires and motivations that you, or they, may not understand. I…

I had a teen in a Sunday School class I taught who didn't have a conscience. He didn't have any sense of right and wrong, or of consequences for actions. He was a major bully; two other kids in my class of seven actually changed schools to get away from him (which made Sunday mornings interesting, to say the least!) He only respected strength -- but he also needed to be loved . Like I said, don't limit your arsenal.…

>Defend yourself and the innocent fully, but don't think that means you can't also love your enemy

Let me add the rationale: if you don't try to love your enemy, or try see something good in him, then you will hate him.

His hold over you will last as long as you hate him. Bullies feed off hate and fear.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#97

Post by song » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 10:30 AM UTC

lionhearted wrote: post #11

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

I was bullied during the 8th and 9th grade.. I hated the bullies but I never really did anything about it... Then, when entering high school on the 10th grade, something clicked, I punched the first person to give me a stupid nickname, and after that no one annoyed me again...

So yes, I think violence in this case is useful... It doesn't really solve the problem though, it just shows to bullies that you are not weak and they should just choose a weaker target than you... They understand that, respect you for that and leave you alone...

Now for the small anecdote, I became good friend with the guy I punched and he actually had been bullied before in middle school. He had tried to be a bully in high school so as not to be at the bottom of the class hierarchy...

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#98

Post by twillerelator » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 10:32 AM UTC

lhorie wrote: post #29

lotharbot wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Both your post and the original overgeneralize, treating bullies as a monolithic entity with a single motivation and a single response. Bullies are not "wild animals" bullying for "no reason", they're people with unique intellects and desires and motivations that you, or they, may not understand. They may want others to see them as tough, or to feel powerful or in control, or for laughs, or because they have somethin…

It's fine and dandy to talk about the psychology of bullying and how there are different tools to deal with it and all that, but when you're a kid and don't know any better, I think it's a lot easier to just do what he suggested and get physical. I've always been a small, calm and rational person, but when it came down to it, I would just bite whoever was trying to bully me. As it turns out, the jaw is one of the str…

Sure, getting physical may sometimes be necessary. It's worth adding that it's important not to enjoy it. (Maybe this is how new bullies are formed?)

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#99

Post by hugh3 » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 11:42 AM UTC

anthonyb wrote: post #81

hugh3 wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Everybody is talking about making sure their kid grows up with fighting skills so he can fight back when he gets bullied. Why don't y'all just try to teach your children some social skills and general non-weirdness so that they're not the obvious bully magnet?

I thought non-conformity was supposed to be valued? Why should you have to conform just so you don't get punched?

"Was valued" by whom? Are you pressuring me to conform with the local pro-non-conformity value system?

Anyway, I firmly believe that nonconformity is for adults. If you want to reject conformity you need to do it by choice, not by inability. You must learn to conform perfectly before you can non-conform properly. Otherwise it's not nonconformity, it's merely social incompetence.

Anyway, nonconformity is not the same thing as being a friendless loser.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#100

Post by patrickk » Thu, Oct 07, 2010, 11:58 AM UTC

lionhearted wrote: post #11

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

Agree completely.

If I had a son who was getting bullied, I'd tell him: "put the other guy down HARD." You have to lay down a mark that you're not to be messed with - it's like prison in a way. This lovey-dovey talk it out thing is useless in my experience.

I used to get some crap off some classmates from time to time, sometimes physical bullying. There was some stupid game where guys used to randomly kick the back of other guys legs for the fun of it. One guy did it to me, thinking he had a easy target. I shoved him back, and he started laughing, thinking that he'd kill me easily. A right hook to the jaw sorted him out pretty quick. Other people take note of things like that and don't mess with you for sure.