Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper • Hacker News Board

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#61

Post by Fnoord » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 10:55 AM UTC

newnewpdro wrote: post #37

This person hasn't even been diagnosed with autism by a professional, yet the title strongly suggests so. I guess the article wouldn't be particularly appealing with "Autistic" missing from the title. I've met a few people who have self-diagnosed themselves as autistic. It's kind of become a catch-all for people with eccentricities and/or offensive tendencies. In the cases I've seen, the people are either just unsoci…

First of all, I agree with you that self-diagnosis is dangerous. However, I'm from a rich country with a great healthcare system (The Netherlands). Others with ASD might not be as fortunate as I am.

> I've met a few people who have self-diagnosed themselves as autistic. It's kind of become a catch-all for people with eccentricities and/or offensive tendencies. In the cases I've seen, the people are either just unsocialized having spent most of their lives alone at a computer, or simply very selfish and can't be bothered to make an effort towards not saying things which might offend sensitive people.

Typical NT denial that mild ASD is more rampant in society than they'd like to admit.

> It also seems like there's such a strong pressure now for people to fit in with the masses

That pressure was much stronger in the past where you were either Christian or dead. You either functioned (worked), or you were a beggar on the street. Psychology? Diagnosis? Autism? Unheard of. ASD umbrella is new in DSM-V. The amount of undiagnosed people who now get diagnosed is increasing in this century. My simple explanation for that is: "we understand autism better nowadays" and "mild autism is part of the ASD spectrum".

> it's a disorder and we assign professionals to treat it.

ASD cannot be treated. You can learn to cope with it, live with it, but you cannot make it go away (ie. treat a disease).

> shrug

shrug indeed. "Move along, move along"

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#62

Post by mockingbirdy » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:17 AM UTC

Fnoord wrote: post #52

mockingbirdy wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it's like the cognitive part of your brain just isn't connected to the emotional part I have this problem. Most of the time I call it autism for convenience although I know it isn't accurate. Deficient/Immature emotional processing is a better phrase that is more accurate. I think that development issues in the psyche can lead to delays in areas like emotional processing and theory of mind. Oftentimes I have to sim…

Seems like textbook example from Pieter Hintjens' The Psychopath Code. [1] [1] http://hintjens.com/blog:_psychopaths

I've read that book and disagree. I don't have a limited set of emotions, I just have a better emotional regulation system because emotions are blunted.

Emotions exist in me (I'm not a robot or a predator) and I can extract the information they contain to inform my decisions, but I'm mostly unaffected by them. I don't use this trait to destroy people - I think this is what only weak sociopaths do that are not content with themselves - I use it to be more successful and manage people properly (I'm an empathetic leader) and to be more assertive in negotiations.

I read the word psychopath with a negative connotation i.e. a ruthless person who doesn't feel remorse. I agree, I mostly don't feel remorse, but I'm not doing the things many people think sociopaths/psychopaths do (like attacking people on a psychological basis, destroy lives, ...). I'm a good person and I think many sociopaths are - it depends on the values and on the motivation to hold those values up (although I agree that they feel optional. I'm not bound to societal expectations).

If you read about Hannah Arendt you can see that "normal" people are capable of evil things. I think circumstances are in most cases more important than defining brain-damaged psychopaths as the root of all evil. People kill and feel joy in the right circumstances. Sociopaths are more open about the dark nature of human beings.

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#63

Post by slfnflctd » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:29 AM UTC

throwaway77384 wrote: post #39

vinceguidry wrote: post #10

Since she didn't seek out a diagnosis, her actual pathology is still up in the air and I personally don't think autism is a good fit. The fact of the matter is, empathy can be a hard thing to develop, and I think many people's upbringings can cause it to not fully develop even into adulthood. I remember at one point sometime around the age of 20 I felt like there was something I was missing. I've always had a pretty…

This is very interesting. I only just posted the following in another thread. I empathise with your experience greatly. I feel you articulated it very well: "Feelings are such a tricky thing. I was raised to suppress them. Or, well, not even that. Feelings were so thoroughly suppressed in my family, that they never even featured. I must have learned that any expression of emotion gets me nowhere by the age of 0.5 In…

> feeling myself become more and more incompatible with the 'business world'

This one hit me like a well thrown punch. I know it's a somewhat common sentiment, but in conjunction with being more "emotionally aware" I found it striking.

Since I became more in touch with my own feelings, the quality of my daily experience with work (and the people there) matters far more to me than mere compensation. This is something I think a lot of workers go through, and I think managers who are aware of it will be more effective than those who aren't. Knowing what motivates others and what they value can be extremely useful.

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#64

Post by Cthulhu_ » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:29 AM UTC

vinceguidry wrote: post #10

Since she didn't seek out a diagnosis, her actual pathology is still up in the air and I personally don't think autism is a good fit. The fact of the matter is, empathy can be a hard thing to develop, and I think many people's upbringings can cause it to not fully develop even into adulthood. I remember at one point sometime around the age of 20 I felt like there was something I was missing. I've always had a pretty…

Same, and I've still to develop them - or keep them under wraps as they are now, seems to work fine for my career and such. It's I think a level of emotional maturity, or maybe even a fear of feeling - like, keeping them suppressed is doable, I can live with that, but what would happen if I stop suppressing them? I don't want to break down bawling at work for example, or get angry and start throwing shit. The emotional maturity there is to feel the feelings but be able to deal with them in a mature way. Like, you can be angry at your significant other, raise your voice if need be, but there has to be a lid on it, a reasoning. There's an area between suppressing / ignoring feelings and letting them control you.

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#65

Post by mockingbirdy » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:34 AM UTC

navane wrote: post #59

mockingbirdy wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I anticipate that I won't be able to cry when my parents die. I really hope I'm wrong. Reason is that I think they have great lives and are fulfilled so in my eyes it doesn't matter if they are 60 or 80y/o when they die. They have a good time on earth. It's helpful that I know about their childhoods and don't have any open questions because I've talked with them a lot about who they are. I don't think I'll be regretf…

What about when one of your parents die, and the other has to live alone for the rest of his/her live? Could you cry over the sadness of the one left behind?

I will cry as a response to their crying. This is natural.

I just don't need it. I would mostly cry to be empathetic.

I don't think this is wrong. Many people do it to help out e.g. that friend who cried on the funeral of your mother? He is crying to communicate his compassion, not because he feels grief. If you would know how many people do this, you would be astonished by the emotional coldness that many have inside their heads (involuntarily).

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#66

Post by dayofthedaleks » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:37 AM UTC

voltagex_ wrote: post #31

sperg1 wrote: post #23

I struggled for years after being diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school. My parents didn’t believe in medication so I was never out on anything, which I am thankful for. After struggling tremendously with math and social interactions as well as school in general, I spiraled into deep depression. I was bullied, something which I now blame on my lack of normal social defenses. People would say things to me and I wou…

What do you mean using words you shouldn't?

Grandiloquence, or using words like 'grandiloquence.'

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#67

Post by FroshKiller » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:40 AM UTC

jscholes wrote: post #50

> Facial expressions, body language, and eye contact are the bones of communication and it’s quite difficult to build and maintain relationships without the ability to read them. As a blind person this was quite difficult to read (emotionally). I don't have any additional mental needs, but for obvious reasons I'm unable to read other peoples' visual body language, maintain eye contact or gauge their facial expression…

Do you have any interest in learning other cues you could send?

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#68

Post by kstenerud » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:45 AM UTC

amorphid wrote: post #9

JohnJamesRambo wrote: post #5

My mother teaches autistic children and I think this woman must have an incredibly mild version. My mother’s students can barely take care of themselves and touching someone is largely out of the question. I’d love to see her face when I mentioned I read an article about a woman with autism being a stripper. And yes I know there is a spectrum of autism from severe to not as severe, but when someone is as high functio…

Having a mild form can be even more difficult. You appear different enough that people can tell, but your similar enough to other people that people don't understand the difference between you not getting it and simply misbehaving. When someone who will never get why they're being disciplined for what to them is acting normally keeps getting repeatedly punished, it's usually going to go poorly.

Yes, it is difficult and stunting. Your actions and body language and even voice land you deep in the uncanny valley, and that makes people uncomfortable, even though they can't articulate why.

I've lost plenty of jobs because of it, and for the longest time I just figured people like to be mean, because when I was fired, nobody would ever say why, even when I pressed them for a reason. When I was shunned or excluded, people feigned ignorance and looked for a quick way out of the conversation when I asked why. It's incredibly frustrating and saddening feeling like people pick on you for no reason, when you know that there IS a reason, but nobody will say what it is, or how to fix it.

I've tried being extra friendly (people think you've got an angle), being strictly professional (people think you don't care about anything), more helpful (people think you're brown nosing), more talkative (people think you're a buffoon), less talkative (you become the guy nobody knows, and are the first to go at layoffs). And since there's no apparent rhyme or reason to their reactions, your life becomes a series of ticking time bombs until a relationship ends, a friendship ends, a job ends... Who you are means nothing if it slowly creeps people out.

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#69

Post by Cthulhu_ » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:47 AM UTC

Fnoord wrote: post #53

46Bit wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> incredibly mild version There are large variations in what different autistic people are capable of, and (e.g.) whether they have intellectual disabilities. The writer might be considered high-functioning by a professional, but it has clearly impacted their life. To call their autism "incredibly mild" sounds dismissive of their experiences. Full disclosure: I'm "high-functioning" autistic too and can associate so m…

> But having this label may empower them and help them be more in control of their life. The word has meaning. It certainly does, and although the wait lists are long here in NL, I can still recommend people who suspect they have autism to investigate it (via professionals). Its been roughly a 10 months ago since I had my diagnosis, and I learned so much ever since: * My partner (then undiagnosed) went to a group of…

Your last point is also true for ADHD, which expresses itself differently in men and women. My GF only got an official diagnosis at age 35, and she finally has some peace and stability in her head thanks to the medication she's now getting. She used to be labeled a difficult or naughty child growing up, and got into a lot of shit for it.

At least her son was diagnosed a lot earlier, he's now getting medication and extra classes to catch up on about a year of falling behind at school.

Re: Secret Life of an Autistic Stripper

#70

Post by Cthulhu_ » Mon, Jul 23, 2018, 11:51 AM UTC

Fnoord wrote: post #56

amorphid wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having a mild form can be even more difficult. You appear different enough that people can tell, but your similar enough to other people that people don't understand the difference between you not getting it and simply misbehaving. When someone who will never get why they're being disciplined for what to them is acting normally keeps getting repeatedly punished, it's usually going to go poorly.

> Having a mild form can be even more difficult. Yup, people with severe autism get diagnosed early in their life, as child. They're clearly impaired by their autism, and get help. People with a mild version get un(der)-diagnosed, especially women. They're expected to just blend in with society yet when they have difficulty in life, they're being told to e.g. "man up". Which might work with NTs shrug . If you don't s…

I think the real question is where is the line between it being a character trait (aloof, stoic, introverted, a bit weird, you name it) and a disability. I don't think high functioning autism is a disability, it's a character type that is a bit out there - but with the person knowing it and other people learning about it, we can all get along just fine.