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How to get kids to pay attention

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Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#101

Post by nickserv »

tonyarkles wrote: post #18
maltalex wrote: post #4

> For starters, he says, ask your kid this question: 'What would you do if you didn't have to do anything else?' In the western world the answer to that question is often some addictive activity such as playing video games, or watching videos on youtube.

> In the western world the answer to that question is often some addictive activity such as playing video games, watching videos on youtube or something similar. I was a relatively free-range child. I had a bike, I had a pocket full of quarters to call home if I needed to, and if I wanted to I could stay home and play video games (we had an NES, followed by a SNES, but not that many games). What did I do? I rode my b…

There's a big difference in active and passive screen time. I got into computers in the early 90s and back then there was always a certain hands on aspect to it. From installing RAM to clearing drive space or making custom boot disks... Games actually thought me a lot!

Now... Not so much. Much of the hardware is locked, nevermind the software. So kids get to thinking they can't make anything, that it's a primarily passive experience.

To me, that's the big problem, to become passionate about passiveness.

For the record my 5 year old runs KDE on a fanless laptop. It's been great for him to learn letters at school

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#102

Post by mmt »

ebikelaw wrote: post #88
mmt wrote: post #66

I'm disappointed to see this article trot out the "unsafe" trope, especially after, earlier in the article, citing the Maya mother stating her child knows how to avoid traffic. > Now, many parents in the U.S. can't go full-on Maya to motivate kids. It's often not practical — or safe — to give kids that much autonomy in many places, for instance. I'm not asserting that traffic is the only US safety concern (or that it…

Traffic safety is the main reason that US kids aren't out there playing. Because we're "rich" we've created a car-choked hellscape where nobody can be outside. We're so much more "rich" than those backwards people who have to walk to the store or ride a filthy bus.

This is not supported by, at least, this chart, comparing the US and Guatemala:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_traffic-r...

Now, it may still be true that pedestrians or child pedestrians are killed at a higher rate (per capita, per car, and/or per mile driven) in the US than in Guatemala (or other countries that are not "rich"). However, for that possibility to be plausible, there would need to be at least a credible, substantive explanation.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#103

Post by chongli »

TomMarius wrote: post #93
Kluny wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally I think there are more people than you think who would be perfectly happy to clean toilets as their contribution, so long as they were compensated fairly for it.

That would mean raising prices, and thus the toilet cleaner him/herself wouldn't be able to buy the things that you want them to reach anyways.

Yes, and then pay the toilet cleaners even more, raise prices again, and so on. A virtuous upward cycle which would eventually bring their lives more in line with everyone else's.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#104

Post by mbateman »

For what it's worth, what the Maya families are doing is a version of the central principle of Montessori early education (and what my company is trying to scale). That is, build a capacity for deep concentration in early childhood using (1) high autonomy pedagogical practices and (2) an environment with a structure that makes it possible for children to contribute to practical life.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#105

Post by nickserv »

colecut wrote: post #98
nickserv wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To me, a friend is an equal, and someone you can count on. My sons are not my equals, and I'm not their friend. This doesn't mean I don't show love or affection, just that I don't expect the same kind of support from them as I do my friends. I also don't order my friends around from time to time ;-) However I hope in the future we be friends, when I don't need to wipe their ass or provide food and shelter.

I would agree on the wiping ass part, it's hard to be friends until then.. but I have a 40 year old brother who still barely provides his own food and shelter so good luck with that part =) I think of "friend" as someone you enjoy spending free time with and are willing/open to confiding in

Thanks for the warning. This is why we made 2 ;-)

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#106

Post by NeedMoreTea »

mos_basik wrote: post #87
lgregg wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can relate, I was born/grew up overseas and was raised this way before my parents moved back to the states. I moved back with them, and it was surprising how little my friends had in life skills. I had learned to cook (from watching/learning) already and would cook for myself after school for example, while most of my friends would have zero ideas on what to do. It's sad how the U.S. Government prevents native Amer…

>There's a cultural vibe of individualism [where?] preventing overwatch of kids [whose kids?] by adults which has led, in part, to the prohibitive [prohibiting what?] autonomy that I had as a kid. I don't quite understand what you're saying here, but I'm genuinely interested. Could you clarify? Active listening: What I thought you said is that in, say, the Philippines, there is a culture of individualism that prevent…

Not OP but I read it as prohibition of the autonomy (of children by today's culture) that they used to have. I can relate, as a child I was expected to be self-sufficient in a way that would be unrecognisable to modern children.

Rather than being ferried by car to the school, and taxied to a series of child appointments, I walked to school alone or with friends. That including crossing a 4 lane highway, at the lights, in a major city. I must have been doing that at age 5 and 6 as at 7 we went to a different school. I don't remember my parents ever taking me apart from the very first time. Maybe a couple more times at most then. Same for everyone else - we all walked. Now every school is near unreachable thanks to the hundreds of cars from parents who are usually near enough to walk.

When playing out I was often told not to come back until dinner, so we'd go off and do stuff.

Every adult around, and everyone else's parent would give us a telling off if we were being out of line. A shopkeeper or stranger might come out to yell. Everyone seemed to have half an eye out for all the kids.

The individualism of today's adults all around has led to them ignoring, or putting up with the excesses of, everyone else's kids. Few would dare say anything, and would probably get a torrent of abuse from the parent if they did.

The over-hype of abuse and stranger danger hasn't helped either - serious things, but not exactly as common as the media imply. Adult males have double the reason not to speak to or tell off someone's child.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#107

Post by ebikelaw »

mmt wrote: post #102
ebikelaw wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Traffic safety is the main reason that US kids aren't out there playing. Because we're "rich" we've created a car-choked hellscape where nobody can be outside. We're so much more "rich" than those backwards people who have to walk to the store or ride a filthy bus.

This is not supported by, at least, this chart, comparing the US and Guatemala: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_traffic-r... Now, it may still be true that pedestrians or child pedestrians are killed at a higher rate (per capita, per car, and/or per mile driven) in the US than in Guatemala (or other countries that are not "rich"). However, for that possibility to be plausible, there would need to b…

It's more about the perception than the reality. People won't let their kids out because it appears to be rather dangerous. They drive them everywhere instead.

The dig at Americans' self image as "rich" is a reference to the famous line by Enrique Peñalosa: a developed country is not a place where the poor have cars; it's a place where the wealthy ride the bus. I live part-time in Switzerland where the traffic violence rate is a small fraction of what it is here in the US. I let my kids roam the city because it's safe. I won't let them roam around in Oakland where we don't even have sidewalks. My neighbors consider themselves to be very rich compared to my neighbors in Zurich. They have a huge tacky mansion and two Porsche SUVs, and their kids are stupid and fat and have diabetes.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#108

Post by ainar-g »

MrStonedOne wrote: post #89
Filligree wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I often wonder what civilization would be like if adults asked the same question to themselves and then lead a life where they focused on that instead of being pressured into "making a living". Shorter. As much as I'd love to follow my heart, I also know that the things I find personally interesting aren't the same ones I'm good at. Alas, it's also in a field where only the very best make any money at all.

There was this old zenn diagram of the four factors to life that comes to mind. https://i.imgur.com/i52vIDj.jpg

Did you mean to write "Venn diagram", or this was the joke?

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#109

Post by unit91 »

I have 6 kids, and I've found it's pretty simple to get kids to pay attention (or anything else). Be consistent, and willing to discipline if necessary. Here's the order I follow:

1. Polite request

2. Polite command

3. Stern command

4. Warning

5. Push-ups

6. Spanking

They know I love them and because of that love obedience is required. Situations rarely escalate past step 2, and step 6 is memorable.

ETA: for anything past the polite stages, I try to always follow-up with gentle counseling after they've had a couple minutes to think about it. "Do you know why you got into trouble? How could you have handled the situation better?". Complete amnesty is the rule during counseling, i.e., no matter what they confess, they will NOT receive punishment. I want them to learn by reflection.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#110

Post by marmaduke »

unit91 wrote: post #109

I have 6 kids, and I've found it's pretty simple to get kids to pay attention (or anything else). Be consistent, and willing to discipline if necessary. Here's the order I follow: 1. Polite request 2. Polite command 3. Stern command 4. Warning 5. Push-ups 6. Spanking They know I love them and because of that love obedience is required. Situations rarely escalate past step 2, and step 6 is memorable. ETA: for anything…

Obedience is not the same as paying attention. My son can make coffee and an omelette not because I told him but because he thinks it’s fun.
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