61–70 of 113 posts
Hmm, 2014. But a good read.
Not sure about what is wrong about an article from 2014. It is not talking about the last JavaScript implementation or AI achievement.
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> The "never fight" relationships (not just marriage, but also friendships) are either "we do things as separately as possible" or one of the two ceased to talk about his or her issues. You missed one more option: "we can discuss a problem without involving emotions or clinging to our opinions too much".
Not clinging on our opinions imply that said opinion is not much important to you. It is easy to make compromise over dinner meal. It is harder to move away from what you consider right in ethical sense or what is important for your self respect. Most couples eventually run into something like that. I don't mean something dramatic here, just personally important. After all, you are marrying real independent person no…
On the contrary, it's more important to be able to reconsider your strong opinions.
> It is harder to move away from what you consider right in ethical sense
Why marry if your ethics are different?
> what is important for your self respect
Unless it's an abusive relationship, I can't imagine a situation where the self respect can be involved. Usually it's just the ego whining about getting what it wants and disguising it as "self respect".
> We are supposed to be emotionally invested in the whole marriage thing.
There's a wide spectrum of emotions but most of them aren't required in a relationship. As the OP's article says, focus on kindness and appreciation.
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Well, they are still both talking about marriage dissolution. While dissolution surely implies an unhappy marriage, the reverse implication is most certainly not true. Many marriages stay official for reasons other than "love and happiness". Most affairs probably don't even come to light, let alone actually lead to marriage dissolution.
Which begs the question: "Why bring up this study at all?"
My wife and I have a company together and work from home, so we pretty much see each other all day every day. When we first started working together we got in a lot of fights and put our relationship at risk. We realized that we had to figure it out or our relationship would break. Around the same time this happened, we were incredibly lucky to have attended a free workshop called Founder's Communication (done free b…
> plan to avoid hunger Isn't this the most natural feeling in all animals. It is ok to be hungry, most people all over the world don't think of hunger as a feeling to be avoided at all costs. Being hungry is ok.
It can also be used in your favor, for example there was some research about the severity of sentences relative to the time of day. What they found out is that judges are more lenient (give out lesser sentences) at the beginning of the day (right after breakfast) and right after lunch - the opposite was true as well, the harshest sentences were given right before lunch and by the end of the day.
Several startup teams have said to have used this when scheduling their YC interviews. It would be amazing if the YC teams could share acceptance rates based on this info.
My wife and I have a company together and work from home, so we pretty much see each other all day every day. When we first started working together we got in a lot of fights and put our relationship at risk. We realized that we had to figure it out or our relationship would break. Around the same time this happened, we were incredibly lucky to have attended a free workshop called Founder's Communication (done free b…
This is very good advice and it also goes for children as well. If you want to prevent most of the fussiness of kids, make sure they stay hydrated and give them a healthy snack every couple of hours. If they are of napping age, be consistent with naps. It's not a cure-all for tantrums, but it certainly minimizes them.
You also need to be aware of how that overlaps with you being hungry/sleepy and try to address it in the best way. It's so easy to get angry at your kids just because they got cranky at an inconvenient time for you.
At the same time, at this stage of their lives, I believe kids should experience some stress/frustration/pain to know how it feels and learn how to deal with it. Very important life skill.
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I don’t believe it is only a skill. If it were, a master could pick a random person on the street and have an amazing marriage with them. In my opinion, just like a job, there is only so much willpower and motivation you have. It’s a finite resource. A person that you are 1) Sexually attracted to 2) Emotionally connected with 3) Makes you happy by just being themselves Will make you happy and motivated to work things…
Right, I wouldn’t argue that it’s “only” anything! Like any human issue, there are many complex factors, including the fact that some matches are better than others. But I think our culture over-emphasizes finding the perfect match and totally ignores the fact that given any two people, their chances of being happy together can dramatically increase if they spend time and effort learning. The idea that you need to fi…
Assuming people don’t really change, if each day you have 2x as many negative possibilities to deal with, that compounds. And similarly if you have 2x as many positive things like a smile vicerally lighting up your world. You want to minimize the former and maximize the latter before you get married!
My wife and I have a company together and work from home, so we pretty much see each other all day every day. When we first started working together we got in a lot of fights and put our relationship at risk. We realized that we had to figure it out or our relationship would break. Around the same time this happened, we were incredibly lucky to have attended a free workshop called Founder's Communication (done free b…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don’t believe it is only a skill. If it were, a master could pick a random person on the street and have an amazing marriage with them. In my opinion, just like a job, there is only so much willpower and motivation you have. It’s a finite resource. A person that you are 1) Sexually attracted to 2) Emotionally connected with 3) Makes you happy by just being themselves Will make you happy and motivated to work things…
Matchmaking is overrated, and people expect too much out of relationships. My family is from Bangladesh where the marriages, though typically not arranged per se, involve less of a "trying on clothes" aspect than in the U.S. It's not clear to me that marriages are any happier here. (People are of course more likely to get divorced here, but are likely to end up in a second or third marriage that is not particularly h…
Traditional societies have this all over the planet!
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No marriage is perfect. Every couple fights sometimes, if both people are being real with each other, and if they're not, that's a huge problem in itself. (I think everdev is probably right: they didn't let you see them fighting.) The goal is not to never fight; it's to always fight fair . Sounds like your parents didn't show you how to do that — which is too bad, if they themselves knew, because most people don't. I…
>No marriage is perfect. Every couple fights sometimes, if both people are being real with each other, and if they're not, that's a huge problem in itself. Buying into this argument that "every couple fight sometimes" is why so many people never eliminate fights from their relationships, because they think it's normal and so never put the effort into bettering themselves and addressing the root causes of problems so…
Feelings will be expressed whether you like it or not, so it's better to say "I'm fucking mad!" about this than to have an argument four hours later about who doesn't put the cap on the toothpaste back on properly.
My wife and I have a company together and work from home, so we pretty much see each other all day every day. When we first started working together we got in a lot of fights and put our relationship at risk. We realized that we had to figure it out or our relationship would break. Around the same time this happened, we were incredibly lucky to have attended a free workshop called Founder's Communication (done free b…
You're lucky if your fights are only about petty things like these. There are much tougher problems that don't go away, like finance, health issues or children.
Fighting doesn't help, it only aggravates the situation and deteriorates relationships over time. Try to avoid it whenever possible. The techniques on my previous comment are just one way for doing that, there are others as well.