Earlier quoted context omitted.
Uh, brag! That’s about as brag worthy as one could get. Wow! Please do a blog or something
Ha! Can't tell if you are being sarcastic.
I'm sure it wasn't. You've described a path that most of us can't help but admire.
Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
61–70 of 99 posts
Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#62Why post articles from wsj, it doesn't show the full story.
If there's a workaround, it's ok. Users often post workarounds in the threads, e.g. see https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17371963.
More here:
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10178989
https://news.ycombinator.com/newsfaq.html
https://hn.algolia.com/?sort=byDate&dateRange=all&type=comme...
Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#63Earlier quoted context omitted.
Growing up hungry, with worn out second hand clothes, and dysfunctional families happens also in post-industrial societies. The hunger for knowledge and escape drove me to the library and the outdoors. I remember being young and thinking, if I can get $1500 dollars together, I will have made it. Every decade it seems to get another zero on the end of where I think I can be successful, and I continue to love to goto w…
> Growing up hungry, with worn out second hand clothes, and dysfunctional families happens also in post-industrial societies. Just pointing out that the parent didn't imply a dysfunctional family in their upbringing. Familial dysfunction is orthogonal to poor, hungry, and having old clothes; and in my opinion can be a far more life-constraining factor for the future.
I was thinking this too. Dysfunction can disrupt childrens' understanding of the world. Causing mistrust, accepting / repeating violent and abusive behavior. Or causing cycles such as loneliness that compound consequences indefinitely. Not saying these can't be overcome but obviously some people don't make it.
Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#64Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#65Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#66Earlier quoted context omitted.
Ha! Can't tell if you are being sarcastic.
It sounded genuinely honest to me and I find being proud of oneself when tough times where endured is pretty healthy.
It was stories like this that made me know when I was young I could get out of my situation if I worked hard and used common sense
Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#67Earlier quoted context omitted.
Ha! Can't tell if you are being sarcastic.
I'm sure it wasn't. You've described a path that most of us can't help but admire.
:) Thanks. I wish I was a better writer. I thought about writing a fiction based on my life many times, but I am not even close to being a decent writer
Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#68This article is disgusting. Really, what a load of harmful garbage. At risk of overreacting or ignoring the experiences of other people who have experienced hardships such as abuse, mental illness, and others, I want to say that the authors of this article fundamentally misunderstand what they are talking about. I was severely physically and emotionally abused throughout my childhood and have suffered bipolar 2 disor…
So far, yes, you are resilient. You're here today.
I'm somewhere around 20 years older than you, and I feel like I could have written this at numerous times in my life.
I don't really have answers, but I have learned some things about myself and in general that I think are important.
If you have a fear that you may become abusive you should take that fear seriously and be proactive.
Go to therapy now if you can (maybe you already are, I'm just talking). I avoided this for a long time because I had bad, or no, health insurance. I wish I had made the investment in myself early.
Be very careful with alcohol and other substances. Dependence and substance abuse creeps up on you. That quote about day by day nothing seems to change, but looking back everything is different applies to destructive behaviors too.
Deprogramming/unlearning unhealthy coping behaviors is really damn hard and never stops. Things can seem perfect for months and one day you catch yourself taking a step backwards. Don't get too hung up on those steps backwards, two steps forward and one step back is still forward progress.
Almost every day the thought I want to kill myself enters my mind. It's all but lost it's meaning, but I've never completely eradicated the thought. I have no intention of ever doing it, but I find it strange that the thought never goes away.
I never wanted kids either, because I hated every day of my life as a child. But, now I have two. Their mother committed suicide a few years ago and they live with me full time. They are a great motivation and have taught me so much about life I would have never learned without them. It turns out I'm a pretty decent father and have been able to give them love and understanding I never had.
No amount of anger or frustration is going to change the past or fix the future. Acceptance (of self and past experiences) and seeking therapy (group and private) have been to the two biggest positive influences on my life.
I'm not SV successful, but I provide for my family financially and emotionally. I feel resilient because I could have given up before I even tried or after any number of shameful personal failures. I feel like I've won because I have things I never thought possible 20 years ago. A loving family. A pretty decent job that I enjoy. A place to live that I'm not ashamed of.
It's ok to hurt. It's ok to have bad habits. It's ok feel everything you've expressed. I thought I was the only person on Earth with my issues, but it turns out there are many of us.
One thing I didn't realize in my early twenties was just how much life laid ahead of me. It felt over before it started and because of that I wasted most of my twenties and early thirties.
What you went through sucks and you didn't deserve it. It won't always be fun. You may wake up at 40 with some of the same emotions you have now.
That's just from my personal experience. I'm not a doctor of any kind. I don't even pretend to have any answers. I often think if I knew then what I know now how different life might have been, but maybe that is impossible. Or maybe something I said will help someone. I wish you the best of luck.
Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#69I’ve spent a bit of my life thinking about this as I come from a bit of an odd circumstance as my parents purposely raised me poor (despite having wealth), didn’t offer much support and made me struggle thinking it would make me very resilient. They very much believe that anything that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
The biggest problem with childhood adversity is that you are risking your health. My physical health started to fail and I’ve been unable to work for the last few years. I wasn’t born with the strongest constitution, but I do think my upbringing is a large contributor to my health problems.
I have friends who grew up in wealthy supportive environments, they are doing absolutely fine but the article is right in that they don’t have the drive or sacrifice to accomplish huge things. They are also by and large, very healthy. On the other hand, with my immigrant friends (many of whom are very successful), even though most are healthy there is a way higher percentage of health problems.
Another problem that I have is that I have some poor people impulses and habits, like issues with instant gratification. I did get some benefits in that I am amazingly resourceful and have great problem solving skills. I have the resilience to navigate awful bureaucracies and deal with everyday problems which has been helpful in my attempts to restore my health. I do know a lot of normal people would’ve given up by now.
Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods
#70My most upvoted comment on HN was when I made reference to fact that I had grown up in African village. I was totally unaware that this was a something worth sharing but it seemed to pique people's interest. As I didn't know any better at the time, I never felt that I lacked anything. I had two parents, grand parents and many cousins around. We spent the whole time playing, "exploring" and "hunting". Not once did it…
My story is not too different. I grew up in a dirt poor Asian village. We didn't have running water and for first few years of my life, not even a toilet. Parents taking active part in kids education was not common. I remember my parents bought be one toy when I was in second or third grade, and that was it. We used to get one pair of new clothes once every year during festivals. That's about it. Nobody ever celebrat…
That's great! I hope you share your story with others who've come from similar backgrounds. It's great to know people can make it.