There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. However from a career perspective it's incredibly valuable to have social skills. As somebody who's pretty introverted myself by nature, I find that it's useful to get out of my comfort zone and discover situations I enjoy being social in -- and I have to keep reminding myself to do this. There's lots of great advice in this thread; experiment a little and see what works best for you.
Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
41–50 of 95 posts
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#42Of course its a okay. You can go through life just fine not interacting with people / not enjoying it. But if you don't want to be that way, what you have to understand is why you "tend to be communicative with people who share similar interests" ( ). Those people you think are highly sociable, at least more-so than you, are really just conversing about things that you either don't know anything about or don't find i…
Don't forget that with respect to point a, that the more you know about something, the more interesting it is. You may find your interests change as you attempt to integrate into a new tribe.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#43When I first read this, it kinda surprised me. Like something one of my kids might ask, maybe. I guess it really has been such a long time since I've had to consider the impact being introverted was having on my life. After all, I have a husband, two children, a plethora of hobbies and an excellent job. Sometimes I tripped over my own introversion, sometimes other people tripped over it instead. Other times, I approached interacting with other people as a sort of experiment -- though this made me feel like a bit of a sociopath, because as it turns out, most extroverts are disturbingly easy to manipulate.
Anyhow, this is more or less what I've told my kids: take a deep breath, listen and learn. Most introverts are excellent listeners, with an above average capacity to synthesize. People like to talk about themselves and they like to talk to people who are actively listening. You can learn a lot about how to make people happy by just listening to them. Of course, it takes a lot of discipline to not talk. I often get rabid logorrhea in social situations, even amongst people I know well. Just keep breathing, ask a few questions and let the other person do all the work.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#44Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I think the title question isn't very good. It's a sort of leading question. Why, of course it's OK to be an introvert. By any reasonable definition a large part of the world's population are introverts, and introversion itself isn't a mental disorder. So most people (especially…
> Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I don't agree. Last I checked I match most of the points describing an introvert and I consider myself one. Some of my friends from IT field I know very well also match the description. None of us has problems socializing, partying, meeting people, picking up girls or maintainin…
Hmm, I'm not sure how we disagree. I said that being introverted is not the same thing as being socially unskilled, and you and your friends are examples of this. Still, there is a correlation in the sense that most people with poor social skills are introverts. If you disagree with this then I guess we must have very different definitions of "socially unskilled".
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#4539 responses and no one's linked to Jonathan Rauch's blockbuster "Caring For Your Introvert" yet? Hold on to your butts:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-f...
"It's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation."
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#46Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I think the title question isn't very good. It's a sort of leading question. Why, of course it's OK to be an introvert. By any reasonable definition a large part of the world's population are introverts, and introversion itself isn't a mental disorder. So most people (especially…
> Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I don't agree. Last I checked I match most of the points describing an introvert and I consider myself one. Some of my friends from IT field I know very well also match the description. None of us has problems socializing, partying, meeting people, picking up girls or maintainin…
It's a curious thing, but most of the extroverts I've known self-describe as introverts. The thing about introversion is that there's little to no payoff from interacting socially, so lack of social skills tends to be correlated. Without a strong positive feedback loop, the skills don't grow, and over time, atrophy.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#47Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I don't agree. Last I checked I match most of the points describing an introvert and I consider myself one. Some of my friends from IT field I know very well also match the description. None of us has problems socializing, partying, meeting people, picking up girls or maintainin…
Hmm, I'm not sure how we disagree. I said that being introverted is not the same thing as being socially unskilled, and you and your friends are examples of this. Still, there is a correlation in the sense that most people with poor social skills are introverts. If you disagree with this then I guess we must have very different definitions of "socially unskilled".
I disagreed that having social issues is related to being an introvert. Maybe I'm not right, just my POV.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#48It's okay to be the quiet one. That improves the chances of you being a good listener, someone that really listens instead of being tuned-out while composing your next line.
It's important for many reasons to strike a balance between work and play (and quality solitude), but don't be alone out of being uncomfortable with others. Try to seek a space where it works for you, where you can unwind, and you can be "in the moment".
By being in the moment I mean not thinking or worrying about what happened last week or last year, or what will happen next week or next year. Relax... take in the sounds around you. Get i tune with all of your senses. Hopefully as you unwind you'll find yourself breathing slower but deeper. Perhaps you can casually go somewhere with someone on a picnic, a hike, or camping. Visit the coast or a lake, enjoy the night sky. The things people stress over at school or work may not even matter years later. Don't throw your time away in a stressful limbo that's in-between work/study you're into, and the off the clock pleasure time. Get plenty of rest, regular sunshine, some exercise (at least plenty of fast walking), eat with variety and moderation. The rest and sunshine play a large role in healthy brain chemistry and various hormones. Living out of the moment is a bit like driving while texting. Life flows better if you're all there for it. Get in tune with yourself, discover how seemingly small things influence the way you feel.
Go at your own pace with people. Take time to figure out who you are, what you like, and who you want to be with. If you're thinking about your orientation, don't feel alone. Whatever you're going through know that there are many like you, and you'll get wherever you're going at your pace. The people that matter will appreciate you for who you are. Be tolerant of and not preoccupied with the rest. Be in tune with peoples' feelings, and learn to see who can sense and really care about yours.
You might experiment with different types of music. There's a rush from the energy of metal, but some other types may work better for relaxed intimate periods.
Do what you feel is right, even when no one else seems to. Learn to trust your gut feelings more than what people say.
Best wishes.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#49Have you read about the Briggs-Myers personality tests?
I found them quite interesting.
I'm an introvert like you... being with people normally sucks my energy and I need times of solitude to recover. That is how I am...
However I enjoy really small groups of smart people, to be around normally... 2 to 5...
I've been a teacher and also enjoy being in front of a class... 25 teenagers and just last week gave a talk to 100 youngsters... and I enjoy teaching a lot... BUT, after both things... I'm so tired that I need to rest, when teaching a class I need to sit down for half an hour and disengage... When giving a talk... I need a nap. literally I need to sleep.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#50So long you are not completely, entirely alone, you are fine. Know yourself, accept who you are and work to get a comfortable environment instead of trying to change; never mind if that's now how things are "supposed" to be and forget about those pesky extroverts.