Habits of Highly Miserable People • Hacker News Board

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#231

Post by PascLeRasc » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 4:11 AM UTC

throwawaymath wrote: post #222

ulisesrmzroche wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is a better exercise. I stole it from Seneca. Look at the back of your wrists: see those fragile greenish-blue veins? What if tomorrow - while thinking about some problem with money or love - you trip and fall, and a particularly sharp rock on the ground or a shard of glass on the street cuts one of those thin exposed blue-green veins open?

What is the reaction you're "supposed" to get by thinking about that? I took a moment to think about it and I don't think I got it. My reaction was, "Well then I probably die", but I don't feel particularly different about the present. If that's the thing I'm supposed to feel then so be it, but I feel Seneca intended for some greater profundity, or he would dispense with the mental theatrics. What am I missing? Does…

This is the first time I've heard the quote, but I think it's to appreciate that life is short and could end at any time, and while bleeding out you'd realize that worrying about these long-term things was a waste of time.

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#232

Post by unethical_ban » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 4:15 AM UTC

elipsey wrote: post #134

PULIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: author trolls the mentally ill in standard way, says they're doing it for attention. If you have serious psych diagnosis like BP etc., please avoid this content; your loved ones know you're trying and only a handfull of contrarians strike this pose. Get some exercise and a good night's sleep, and stay on your meds. I'm rooting for you. P.S. This trash should not be on HN. It has nothing to…

FWIW, I think it's useful to see that if you exhibit a number of these behaviors, you either have mental issues (which is OK but help is needed) or you need to change your lifestyle and attitude. It's not trolling if it's not intentional, so don't use that term inappropriately.

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#233

Post by PascLeRasc » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 4:17 AM UTC

kristianc wrote: post #27

I’m no expert on abject misery but reading 12pt serif text with a ridiculous line length on an iPhone screen has got to come pretty close.

Safari Reader Mode is a habit of unmiserable people.

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#234

Post by voiper1 » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 4:43 AM UTC

minor3rd wrote: post #159

dwcnnnghm wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is great. Another wonderful piece of advice I had read somewhere for similar situations is: "remember that an argument between you and your partner is you two against the issue rather than against one another " I think it is a great way to refocus the conversation and work toward a solution.

My personal solution to defuse an argument with the wife is to stick out my tongue and say something stupid. Gets a laugh unless I'm REALLY in trouble, and then it's on to plan B.

John Gottman calls that a repair attempt.

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#235

Post by Noumenon72 » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 4:56 AM UTC

ulisesrmzroche wrote: post #209

kgwxd wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Those things never really scared me. Do they also meditate on being sick, in constant crippling pain and come to the same conclusion? I get a stomachache and recognize a bad personality change in myself. I dont imagine id be able to draw on the same mental skills while in that state for prolonged periods.

I think this is a better exercise. I stole it from Seneca. Look at the back of your wrists: see those fragile greenish-blue veins? What if tomorrow - while thinking about some problem with money or love - you trip and fall, and a particularly sharp rock on the ground or a shard of glass on the street cuts one of those thin exposed blue-green veins open?

From what I understand about suicide, no little crossways cut on those veins will ever kill you. You have to go up the arm and deep. Humans aren't that fragile really.

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#236

Post by bfhd » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 4:59 AM UTC

ppeetteerr wrote: post #188

Bakary wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The attitude is what makes the list useful to those who might benefit from it.

You'll have to take my word that the list has the opposite effect of being helpful. It's rather off-putting to read despite being quite accurate.

It's okay - you aren't one of the people who would be helped by this article. But some people would be.

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#237

Post by shostack » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 4:59 AM UTC

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #193

dwcnnnghm wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is also the basis of the Steel Man Argument [0] [1], as opposed to Straw-manning. Instead of attacking (basically nitpicking) the easy missteps in your opponent's reasoning, find the best form of their argument, and then argue with this. It seems to me as the ideal way to both win over those on the other side and provide yourself with a solid ground. You present yourself as avoiding undermining their position (r…

The strawman can be stripped down gradually to find the truth. The steel man locks the truth somewhere inside; and one doesn't look in case ones conversational partner feels offended by being wrong. Of course you can't tell me I'm wrong; because you have to give my argument the best possible interpretation even if it doesn't deserve it ...!

Obviously it depends on the circumstance, but not every disagreement is about "winning" the debate. Sometimes the win is in building or saving the relationship.

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#238

Post by taneq » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 5:09 AM UTC

Tade0 wrote: post #37

> 5. Attribute bad intentions. Me and my SO have serendipitously discovered a great way to defuse arguments: it's the question "Are you accusing me of foulness?" (any sufficiently Victorian synonym works here) For some reason most people reflexively deny this in reply and realise that they've been attributing bad intentions groundlessly. Unfortunately this doesn't work on people who have a mindset which requires ther…

"Do you allege malfeasance?!" :D

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#239

Post by taneq » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 5:13 AM UTC

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #193

dwcnnnghm wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is also the basis of the Steel Man Argument [0] [1], as opposed to Straw-manning. Instead of attacking (basically nitpicking) the easy missteps in your opponent's reasoning, find the best form of their argument, and then argue with this. It seems to me as the ideal way to both win over those on the other side and provide yourself with a solid ground. You present yourself as avoiding undermining their position (r…

The strawman can be stripped down gradually to find the truth. The steel man locks the truth somewhere inside; and one doesn't look in case ones conversational partner feels offended by being wrong. Of course you can't tell me I'm wrong; because you have to give my argument the best possible interpretation even if it doesn't deserve it ...!

Steelmanning is just applying the Least Convenient Possible World principle to debating. If you're picking nonessential nits then you might technically be right but you're probably also dodging the actual interesting questions.

Re: Habits of Highly Miserable People

#240

Post by labster » Tue, Jun 12, 2018, 5:23 AM UTC

DoreenMichele wrote: post #120

RIMR wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know this is a bit of a controversial opinion, but I always felt that society's reaction to sexual assault give victims a reason to feel even worse about their situation. Not to say that it isn't a severely traumatic thing to experience - it absolutely is. But, we regularly treat virginity as some sort of virtuous status - and then speak of rape victims who lost their virginity to their attacker as if they were str…

I agree with you. I have often gotten reactions of pity and the like for speaking openly of my experiences. I do my best to give polite push back against it. I was raised with the idea that the shame is on the rapist, not the victim. I was raised with the idea that people who treat the victim in a shaming way are part of the problem. Being open about this aspect of my life is probably the single most "political" thin…

It's cool that you can say that, as a woman. I've tried to express similar thoughts once, but I got shut down before you could say "socially constructed".

Congrats on not letting your self-worth be determined by others.