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What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

nytimes.com

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Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#111

Post by chris_wot »

snissn wrote: post #97
Someone1234 wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're in the US, you may also wish to think twice before calling the cops on a loved one, particularly if they're only a danger to themselves (and not you or others). Police in the US rarely receive training[0] in dealing with suicidal individuals, and are instead trained to escalate the situation and or use violence for a resolution[1]. There are numerous examples of the police turning up on a suicide call and k…

I would be thinking really fucking carefully about posting this. If a loved one has a specific plan to commit suicide you need to take that really fucking seriously. Death by cop is so much smaller than suicide rate in the US.

As a person who has been badly affected by the police and the health system because of suicidal thoughts, I think you should think “fucking seriously” before you give advise to people with suicidal thoughts.

You may not like it, but the system utterly sucks and you can be easily, even casually, abused. In fact the likelihood is high this will happen. And the kicker? No one gives a damn if you do get abused, and if you die then your mental illness will be used against you for the reason that some cop killed you.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#112

Post by phil248 »

RobertDeNiro wrote: post #99
idbehold wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you know of something more effective for the same cost?

Posting an anonymous comment on Reddit? I don't know, at this point anything is as effective as that. I'm just tired of seeing these hotline numbers shared across all forms of media as if they were the solution to everything. Real therapy, as far as I know, is the only effective solution. There's no low cost solution other than maybe trying to form deeper relationships with the people around you.

It sounds like you do not know much about the topic, but still felt compelled to contradict the most common suicide prevention advice in a public forum while offering no evidence.

Maybe not a great thing to do on a high-traffic website on the day of a high-profile suicide.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#113

Post by tajen »

koube wrote: post #89
AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I, for one, can count the number of times that talking to someone has helped my depression on 0 hands. That includes professionals. I don't know how other people who've suffered depression most of their lives feel, but I can't stand this advice. It reeks of being the lowest effort possible by someone who has no understanding whatsoever of what they're talking about and prefers to just parrot something that sounds goo…

I was always a bit skeptical that just posting a phone number helps people, although it must have helped some people at least. But besides that, what is there to do? Is depression even something that can be helped with?

Well there are short term coping mechanisms (talking, friendships, leisure, rest, work...); there are antidepressant drugs; and there’s finding a goal in life that transcends most problems on the way. I’ve been 12 years depressed since graduation, and things are piecing up together now, so I don’t know if psys were directly helpful, but at least they helped my wait until I found a greater goal.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#114

Post by backpropaganda »

rectang wrote: post #105

I'm uncomfortable with the idea that someone who is in agony must be kept alive at all costs.

I used to think like this, but not any more.

The agony is temporary. The not being alive is permanent. It's an irrational suboptimal decision that they would regret 2 years later. It makes sense to help them.

It's like helping your friend quit smoking. They will be agonized for a few months, but eventually will get out of the addiction and be thankful.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#115

Post by Regardsyjc »

mhkl wrote: post #32

What I did is watch the 8 hour docuseries at www.brokenbrain.com and learn from 50 doctors what the various causes are and how to treat these caused. It did help me a lot to understand depression but my depressed son does not want to watch the docuseries. Sigh.

One of the first points from the article:

"Don’t try to cheer him up or offer advice

... it could backfire by reinforcing his sense that you just don’t get it, said Megan Devine, a psychotherapist and the author of “It’s O.K. That You’re Not O.K.”

“Your job as a support person is not to cheer people up. It’s to acknowledge that it sucks right now, and their pain exists,” she said."

My parents also read a bunch of books on depression and tried to teach me about it to help me.

It was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't have any energy to learn anything, I was having enough trouble trying to hold myself together as much as possible every day. Whenever someone tries to help someone who's depressed, I guess they don't get it because most of the time, the depressed person is probably barely keeping it together, and asking them for anything more is not going to work.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#117

Post by ohtwenty »

tajen wrote: post #106
jimmy1 wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was cynical about talking to people for the longest time. I figured I would forgo seeking the "cookie cutter" advice and went to see my priest -- expecting him to tell me "well you are weak in faith, pray more, say these prayers" etc. He begins by telling me, "If I take this baseball bat, and smash your knee, would you come tell me, or would you go tell a doctor?" I said, well obviously the doctor. He said "Ok, go…

> It took me 4 tries In other words: less than 25% of them are right. About the same experience here. My personal gripe: Most psychologists are feminists. If you explain them a problem you have, they’ll percieve it in a gynocentric way. They are in denial that men can be on the receiving end of a problem or injustice, so much that one of them posited to me that male and female suicide rates were the same. Which tells…

See if you can ask your family doctor if you can get a male psychologist then? Mine was quite lenient, at least, and talked me through the options, wanted my opinion, etc.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#118

Post by starpilot »

spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

This is the American attitude toward people and things we find distasteful. We seek to wash our hands of them, not fix or rehabilitate. We throw criminals in jail and forget about them, we hand off the mentally "ill" to clinicians and forget about them. The last thing we would do is help them ourselves, or see what in our society might be so damaging. Every person for themselves, autonomy and independence is the American way. Fundamentally we seek to reaffirm Puritanical attitudes of being born good or bad, and by emphasizing how "different" we are, how "specialists" must handle "those people" and not just friends who can listen, we create distance and make ourselves feel better. The opposite would be to humanize them, but that makes us extremely uncomfortable.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#119

Post by delbel »

idbehold wrote: post #35
RobertDeNiro wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suicide hotlines are pretty ineffective as far as suicide prevention goes.

Do you know of something more effective for the same cost?

Cognitive Behavior Therapy is scientifically proven to work. Basically any CBT book on amazon on the subject, look for best sellers, read reviews - $3.99 plus $1.99 shipping is your cost. Another book, The Power of Now I personally recommend. Everything else you need is in the KJV.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#120

Post by chris_wot »

RobertDeNiro wrote: post #26
spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

Suicide hotlines are pretty ineffective as far as suicide prevention goes.

God, they are worse than unhelpful. In Australia, if you call Lifeline from a mobile, even if you don’t disclose who you are they are will still call the police on you. This happened to me, and I specifically called to talk myself down to a third party who I believed would listen, and I would not have to deal with the consequences of not dealing with uncaring and ill-equiped authorities who will take you to a psych facility (read: uncaring ED) at best, or shoot or maim you at worst.

No such luck.

When the media adds the number for Lifeline it’s just lazy and backside covering. Hell, for a long time the media were so badly informed aboutvsuicide they wouldn’t even report on it.

So yeah, suicide hotlines are not only ineffective, they can be positive detrimental to your health.

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