Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

11–20 of 39 posts

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#11

Post by throwawaydev00 »

tytytytytytytyt wrote: post #9
throwawaydev00 wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

First I want to apologize for only replying to a comment like this. I've read all of them and I've decided to just be open with my employer about what I told you all. If they've decided to fire me I don't think it could make things worse, but if they're on the fence, currently I can barely even function. The additional stress of wondering is causing me to shut down in a way I haven't experienced before, and I figure…

> But to your comment, I feel like I gave all the details there are. Obviously not, or I wouldn't have asked. And then you go on to mention the details that I asked about... > There's no need to get sanctimonious to someone who's already down. I was asking for real details, since with the level of issues you seem to have, it seems like you need to do more than just put bandaids on things. Asking for real details when…

—

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#12

Post by tytytytytytytyt »

simmanian wrote: post #10
tytytytytytytyt wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> But to your comment, I feel like I gave all the details there are. Obviously not, or I wouldn't have asked. And then you go on to mention the details that I asked about... > There's no need to get sanctimonious to someone who's already down. I was asking for real details, since with the level of issues you seem to have, it seems like you need to do more than just put bandaids on things. Asking for real details when…

I don't follow. Are you implying that he has these issues because he spends all of his money on drugs? The guy came here to ask for help and you're attacking him for.. not sharing enough details?? What details could you possibly want that he hasn't provided yet? Would you be willing to help if he discloses his bank statements for the past 6 months? Is this exchange really all you can offer to people in need?

Asking him for more details isn't attacking him. How is that hard to follow? No, I'm not implying whatever baloney you feel like inventing here.

> What details could you possibly want that he hasn't provided yet?

The ones he provided after I asked him for more details. Are you even reading the thread? Did you not notice that he provided them after I asked for them?

> Is this exchange really all you can offer to people in need?

No, other people have different problems. But at least I'm trying to help which is more than can be said about you.

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#13

Post by tytytytytytytyt »

throwawaydev00 wrote: post #11
tytytytytytytyt wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> But to your comment, I feel like I gave all the details there are. Obviously not, or I wouldn't have asked. And then you go on to mention the details that I asked about... > There's no need to get sanctimonious to someone who's already down. I was asking for real details, since with the level of issues you seem to have, it seems like you need to do more than just put bandaids on things. Asking for real details when…

—

> definitely came across as sanctimonious to my ears. Mea culpa.

If you'd provided the details to begin with I would have been able to say something more targeted to your specific situation than just 'better lifestyle'. But that's one thing it sounded like you might need based on what you'd said at that point.

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#14

Post by forapurpose »

hluska wrote: post #4

It's very brave of you to come here. Give yourself some serious credit for that. And also, it's time to stop beating yourself up for not seeking help sooner. You've survived this long and now you're seeking help. I'm proud of you because surviving takes so much strength and seeking help takes serious courage. It's hard to give you situational advice because you're genuinely in a tough position. Normally, I'd tell you…

> CBT

While I agree with everything else you say, that seems much too specific without knowing the condition or the person, and without being a professional yourself (unless you are one).

I've read about research saying that the success of mental health therapy depends on 'the singer not the song'; the therapist and especially their rapport with the person they are helping are what matters, not so much the particular technique used. A good therapist, from what I understand, will have several techniques to choose from and will apply what works best in that situation.

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#15

Post by forapurpose »

throwawaydev00 wrote: post #8
tytytytytytytyt wrote: post #6

What 'few mishaps' wiped out your savings? You say that casually, like you forgot to return a library book on time. Why didn't you have much to begin with? Those are 2 giant red flags. > Does anyone have suggestions? Develop much better lifestyle habits. It's hard to say much else since you're hiding all real detail from us.

First I want to apologize for only replying to a comment like this. I've read all of them and I've decided to just be open with my employer about what I told you all. If they've decided to fire me I don't think it could make things worse, but if they're on the fence, currently I can barely even function. The additional stress of wondering is causing me to shut down in a way I haven't experienced before, and I figure…

The only mistake I see is legitimizing the GP comment with a response. You don't have to justify or explain yourself, or pay any attention to this person's comments. Just be glad the behavioral problems aren't yours and have some compassion for the people who have them.

> There's no need to get sanctimonious to someone who's already down.

Absolutely. It's sickening to see, and the tone is obnoxious. Let's just move on.

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#16

Post by tripletao »

Assuming US law: If you work for a company "professional" enough to start a performance improvement plan instead of just firing you, then they are likely to move slowly and carefully in anything that they know involves a disability. This includes mental and psychiatric disabilities. (I'm using the word "disability" here because that's the word the law uses.) That employment law is very complicated, and a wrong move could create big liability for them.

I'd strongly suggest that you disclose to them that you are seeking treatment regarding a mental health issue, and maybe say it's major depression and/or ADD. I probably wouldn't disclose more without talking to a lawyer (or at least, a forum with more people trained in employment law than here). I would state that I believed I could do the job--you say your work has been commended--but may require some accommodation. You can search the phrase "reasonable accommodation", and see examples of how other people have resolved similar situations.

If you do this, then you'll probably buy yourself at least a couple months. As other commenters note, you may be eligible for paid leave. Even better, you may be able to negotiate a modified job description that works both for you and for your employer long-term. You may also be able to use this time to switch to a different role, inside or outside your present employer.

There's some risk in disclosing that you're dealing with a mental health issue, since there's a stigma associated with it. The company is supposed to keep your information private, but sometimes they don't. There's probably worse stigma associated with just being generically unreliable, though. So I think it's in your interest to disclose.

Please don't feel reluctant to use all the tools that employment law creates to help you in this circumstance. (Of course, also remember that the company is complying because they have to, not necessarily because they're as warm and fuzzy as the HR brochures might suggest.) I hope you find yourself in a better situation very soon, and I think that you will.

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#17

Post by meric »

throwawaydev00 wrote: post #8
tytytytytytytyt wrote: post #6

What 'few mishaps' wiped out your savings? You say that casually, like you forgot to return a library book on time. Why didn't you have much to begin with? Those are 2 giant red flags. > Does anyone have suggestions? Develop much better lifestyle habits. It's hard to say much else since you're hiding all real detail from us.

First I want to apologize for only replying to a comment like this. I've read all of them and I've decided to just be open with my employer about what I told you all. If they've decided to fire me I don't think it could make things worse, but if they're on the fence, currently I can barely even function. The additional stress of wondering is causing me to shut down in a way I haven't experienced before, and I figure…

All the best to you. Please post back what happens - I hope HN can help. I've found in my life being open with others have generally been a good decision in hindsight - I hope it's true for you too.

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#18

Post by davymac »

tytytytytytytyt wrote: post #12
simmanian wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't follow. Are you implying that he has these issues because he spends all of his money on drugs? The guy came here to ask for help and you're attacking him for.. not sharing enough details?? What details could you possibly want that he hasn't provided yet? Would you be willing to help if he discloses his bank statements for the past 6 months? Is this exchange really all you can offer to people in need?

Asking him for more details isn't attacking him. How is that hard to follow? No, I'm not implying whatever baloney you feel like inventing here. > What details could you possibly want that he hasn't provided yet? The ones he provided after I asked him for more details. Are you even reading the thread? Did you not notice that he provided them after I asked for them? > Is this exchange really all you can offer to peopl…

There’s a theme here. Everyone sees your comment as an attack, or at best in very poor taste, but you. Your replies have only cemented that view. Sounds like OP isn’t the only one that needs help.

Re: Ask HN: What to do if I’m about to lose my job to mental health issues

#19

Post by davymac »

throwawaydev00 wrote: post #8
tytytytytytytyt wrote: post #6

What 'few mishaps' wiped out your savings? You say that casually, like you forgot to return a library book on time. Why didn't you have much to begin with? Those are 2 giant red flags. > Does anyone have suggestions? Develop much better lifestyle habits. It's hard to say much else since you're hiding all real detail from us.

First I want to apologize for only replying to a comment like this. I've read all of them and I've decided to just be open with my employer about what I told you all. If they've decided to fire me I don't think it could make things worse, but if they're on the fence, currently I can barely even function. The additional stress of wondering is causing me to shut down in a way I haven't experienced before, and I figure…

I’m sorry you had to see such an awful comment. I’ve been in your situation, and it will get better. Even if it doesn’t feel like it will.

Some solid actionable items have been suggested by others in terms of finance, but as far as health goes, get to a psychiatrist immediately. Even without insurance, paying cash will likely be around $300. Generic prescriptions can be picked at numerous places for very cheap. I believe wal-mart still sells most generics for $4 for a month supply.

An anti-depressant won’t cure you but it will speed up the process of recovery dramatically by buying you the time to dig yourself out of the hole. At that point hopefully you’ll have enough energy to begin to improve your overall health, e.g. exercise and diet. These are usually the first things you should do, unless you’re in the psycho-motor-retardation phase it sounds like you’re describing. In which case meds first.

Post reply on HN