Agile Ruined My Life

Thank you, my experience has been same, and I could have not said this better.

I'd like to add that anyone in this position should do exactly what you and I did, and quit. Time is valuable. Leave them to find out the error of their ways by themselves if they're unwilling to listen. They'll think you're wrong. You'll think they're wrong. Fine. Let the free market work it out.

I now work as a contracter elsewhere, solving more worthy and interesting problems, and with wonderful coworkers. Our methodology adapts as required to the problems we are trying to solve. We're incredibly productive and love our jobs, because we think about the product we're trying to create and not about following arbitrary rules in lockstep.

The way to overcome incompetence isn't to fight it but leapfrog it entirely.

It's exactly this. Management loves to impose scrum (I've yet to hear being implemented from a bottom-up rather than a top-down initiative) as it's an excuse to micromanage: daily status reports, extra meetings, fixed working hours. That said, this may be a benefit for people who aren't passionate or interested in their work and want to clock out at five. That's fine, but that's not for me: my work is tied very closely to my personal identity, I put in many night and weekend hacking sessions and (voluntarily) work more than the usual 45-50 hours a week. At home, when not working, I frequently hack on personal projects and read technical books (indirectly benefiting my employer as well).

I chose to work for a place that judges me by what I produce, not by when I come in to the office. The beauty of being a software engineer in Silicon Valley (and I imagine this is the same in other technology hubs such as Seattle, Rte-128 and Austin) is that I get this choice. Here's a prediction: companies that micromanage in this fashion simply won't attract the required engineering talent. All else equal, engineers will choose a place that gives them more flexibility. The market seems to confirm this. Here's an interesting thread on hours engineers work at Facebook on Quora:

http://www.quora.com/Does-Facebook-have-fixed-working-hours

Note: I'm not opposed and frequently make use of "lower-case-A agile" i.e., unit testing, re-factoring, iterative development but they are just common-sense tools; much like editors, IDEs and programming languages they are frequently treated as objects of religious devotion, overlooking the fact they may be right for some (in some organizations, even most) projects, but inappropriate for others.

What difference does that make to the price of cheese?

"No McMethodology can make crappy programmers write good code. Period."

Can't a McMethodology help crappy programmers become less crappy (and eventually write better code)?

Are there any methodologies that can help with this?

Ideally, poor developers get replaced by better developers, but realistically this (for all sorts of reasons) doesn't always happen. So, if you're a project or team leader, what can you do to elevated the level of code from sub-optimum developers?

Anything? Or maybe it's better to give them "fake" code to write so they stay busy and out of the way.