I don't think that the fact that there _is_ theater renders the underlying struggle worthless, though. Words have meanings, and in the case of law, quite serious repercussions - eg. corporate personhood.
It's not so much "you shouldn't use that word in that manner because of some linguistic pedantry" but "you shouldn't use that word because the externalities of doing so have outsized effects on certain people," or for the self-centered and machiavellian, "you make yourself look bad when you use it such."
As you say, it is a matter of empathy. The N-word has been around for a while - it's still not acceptable for certain people to say it[0]. As for why, that's a matter of education, and it begins with pointing it out.
[0]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO15S3WC9pg