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It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

bbc.co.uk

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Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#161

Post by anotherevan »

Both my kids are aspie. My son was diagnosed when he was seven because of some speech delay when he was younger and social awkwardness.

My daughter was diagnosed at sixteen after two years of missed school and barely leaving the house due to incredibly high anxiety. Oh, and the first time she was assessed eighteen months prior she was only "borderline" aspie even though in retrospect she has been effected much more profoundly. (She also had a similar speech delay when she was younger too, btw.)

We need to get a lot better at recognising the condition in girls, as we have with boys.

§

If you are wanting to know more about autism in all its flavours, google for just about anything by Tony Attwood. In more recent years he has been concentrating more on autism in women, so adding "women" to your search terms will surface specific material in that regard.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#162

Post by [deleted] »

Viliam1234 wrote: post #98
dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

It's like realizing that you are short ... after decades of being told that the only reason you can't reach as high as most people is because you are lazy .

[deleted]

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#163

Post by ficklepickle »

ghostbrainalpha wrote: post #100
oarsinsync wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This, a thousand times this. I've often struggled in social situations, I've had problems with friends, and I've had friends simply laugh at me "Oh my god, you're so strange some times" and just take the piss out of me and the things I do / I've done. Sometimes it hasn't mattered, other times it's really bugged me as I've not understood why I'm the one at fault / why I'm the weird one, and why it's not them that's we…

I'm curious about your "mask" statement. I have that same feeling, and experience with alcohol. Do you ever imagine yourself to be a robot? Or do you memorize and rehearse things to say in social situations? I often feel like I am operating a virtual machine at social gatherings. I tunnel in and give myself commands to operate like a normal human being, but I take absolutely no pleasure from the social interactions.…

I find the cognitive load required for me to socialize "normally" to be extremely exhausting after a couple hours. I try to, like George Costanza from Seinfeld, go out on a high note. That is, leave social situations while they are still going well.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#164

Post by Aramgutang »

Grieverheart wrote: post #140
wccrawford wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Many people struggle with the idea that they're different than others, especially in ways that society in general considers "less". "Less socially adept", for example. With a professional saying that they have a condition that's beyond their control, and labeling it for them, it helps them say "I'm different, but it's not my fault." It shouldn't matter. Be different if you want to. Don't give in to peer pressure. But…

You should never be too hard on yourself, but putting labels can also be dangerous, as people often use it as an excuse to not work towards improving themselves.

A lot of mental disorders exhibit co-morbidity with depression. When a person grows up comparing themselves to their peers, every time they fail at something that others seem to do effortlessly, they tend to think less of themselves.

Why can't I do what they can? Without a diagnosis, the answer to that question can be "because I am a failure as a human being", leading to erosion of self-worth. But being able to answer "because I have a handicap" (due to the mental condition) helps think more constructively about how to work around the handicap, rather than just expect to be able to overcome it.

In this thread, there an insightful comment that reads: it's like realizing that you are short... after decades of being told that the only reason you can't reach as high as most people is because you are lazy.

When you said "people often use it as an excuse to not work towards improving themselves", that is exactly what the author of the comment meant by "being told [that they're] lazy". No matter how much a short person "work[s] towards improving themselves", they will not get taller. They instead find ways to work around the issue, like carrying stepladders with them.

Keep in mind, that if we had never invented glasses, a huge swath of the world's population would be considered to be handicapped. And the ones that weren't, who have only experienced poor eyesight due to dust or tears in their eyes (temporary conditions, just like feeling sad would be in comparison to depression), they could very well share your attitude, and insist that people just need to "look harder".

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#165

Post by Aramgutang »

quadrangle wrote: post #96
dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

It's notable that people are finally questioning the value of diagnosing every possible thing. In addition to the streetlight effect ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streetlight_effect ), learning a diagnosis that doesn't have a treatment can be just distracting. The value of a diagnosis depends on the situation. For someone already overly distracted by wondering what's going on, a diagnosis provides relief from that.…

Why would "someone just living their life and doing all they already can to get by and not worrying about these things" be seeking a diagnosis/treatment in the first place?

Things are generally only considered "disorders" when they prevent you from leading a normal life, with ability of advancing in a career, forming meaningful relationships, etc. For example, Trump may well exhibit the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it clearly does not get in the way of his life, and he's able to accomplish goals that he sets out. Thus, he cannot be said to have a "disorder".

Also, for many of us, psychiatric diagnosis and treatment isn't "costly", it's free. And if you meant opportunity cost, patients generally have the freedom to stop treatment if they feel that the costs overweight the benefits.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#167

Post by [deleted] »

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

[deleted]

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#168

Post by cryptonector »

_b2lj wrote: post #134
TomK32 wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Man, you ticked off everything before you even started a bucket list (good and evil!). I'm happy they gave you a reset at Parmadale after all that shit. You write you're faking it very well in personal and professional life, and I wonder, if you'd act like you are, how would you tell people anyways before they'd just stop talking with you.

Well, I have had a policy of hiding and denying it for awhile because I fear professional reprisal or being treated differently. There are very few people in my circle of friends (and even relatives) that know I'm autistic, again because it's a deeply personal thing and because I don't want to be treated differently from others. I've written about this on the web in the past, but then would go back later and edit or…

Congratulations on your choice! I don't think there's anything wrong with having autistic business partners, employees, lovers, spouses, children, relatives, or friends. Anyone who does is ignorant and/or ultimately not worthy of your time. Autism is not a death sentence of any kind. High-functioning autism is often barely noticeable in adults, and more severe forms often not crippling either. You won't stop being autistic, but you'll learn how to cope and make the most of life.

All the autistic people I know are actually quite affectionate too -- more than non-autistic people. That's just anecdotal, I know. For at least one person I know, I think that's quite a gift.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#169

Post by cryptonector »

isolli wrote: post #3

My wife and I believe our daughter has a (thankfully) mild form of autism. It took us a while, but when the realization came, it was a relief, as we stopped being angry at her and at ourselves: 1) hopefully we did not do anything wrong to cause this, and 2) it is not our daughter's fault that she behaves this way. We did not get a specific diagnostic, and I'm not sure it's worth seeking one. As far as I know, the dia…

If she has something that can be diagnosed, it can help with schooling in the U.S. (and probably elsewhere).

In the U.S. Federal law requires public schools to provide some forms of accommodations. Search for "section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973". Accommodations range from the trivial, like getting to sit up front in class or getting reminded to write down assignments, to things like getting an extra day for homework or getting access to remedial teaching or tutoring. Some of these could greatly relieve stress.

"My kid never even realizes that homework was assigned, and the teachers are not good enough about noting assignments online in a timely manner, so she's always late to turn them in or misses them completely, so she's failing her classes even though she gets A's in all the tests!" -- if you find yourself saying something like that, then you need some 504 meetings! An official diagnosis from a psychiatrist might not even be necessary, i don't know, but certainly a therapist might prove useful anyways in helping your child get more out of life.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#170

Post by cryptonector »

cookiecaper wrote: post #10

Autism, like cancer, is not a single thing. Toward the start of the spectrum, including Asperger's, it seems to be essentially "clinically-significant weirdness, not otherwise specified" (on the later end of the spectrum, it's "major or profound mental retardation, not otherwise specified"). A more productive discussion might be why we feel the need to pathologize so much about ourselves. Why do we need a person to l…

All that ADHD might well have been a red herring, and it was Asperger's all along. When all you have a is a handy drug, everything begins to feel like the sort of condition you could treat with that drug!

Knowing that you're "on the spectrum", no matter how subjective or meaningless you might think it is, can be very helpful to the person and their loved ones.

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