The Four Levels of Social Entrapment • Hacker News Board

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#41

Post by loewenskind » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 10:00 AM UTC

narrator wrote: post #31

revicon wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"...and then just don't talk unless you can achieve that zen level..." Heh, let me know when you figure out how to pull this off.

In non-dating recreational situations you can actually pull off level 4 if you're disciplined. For instance, if you go to a sailing class. Only talk about sailing and learning sailing. Put all your brain into it and keep out of lower level talk. People will find you very mysterious and interesting because you didn't lay all your cards on the table so they could just put you in a bucket.

Personally I would find a person who did this really boring (no apparent life outside of the activity).

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#42

Post by loewenskind » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 10:09 AM UTC

lsc wrote: post #12

reader5000 wrote: post #7

Eh, honestly be grateful there are people that want to talk to you. Learn some basic assertiveness if such friendly interactions are excruciating for you.

it's easier for some people than for others. Especially for introverts, the skill of leaving gracefully is a non-trivial skill that needs to be learned. I mean, most people are capable of saying "fuck you leave me alone you asshole" but usually, you don't want to come off that strong. In most cases, you don't really have any desire to hurt the other person, and hell, you might even want to talk later, or talk about a…

I don't get why "talking politics" is something to so desperately avoid in the US. Many intelligent people just wont talk about leaving mostly the close minded life long party members to be the only voices. Personally I think this is why the political landscape is so awful in the US.

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#43

Post by RiderOfGiraffes » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 10:26 AM UTC

rubyrescue wrote: post #15

aneth wrote: post #10

Enjoyed the article, but I've learned to just be a little rude. Rejection is part of life, and you can't live yours just trying not to hurt peoples' feelings. In fact, if you actually care, you should find a time to talk to the person about how they can improve themselves. If you don't, the more honest you are with your interactions, the better, IMO. People who play the game this author plays are a big reason I want…

Seattle is one of the worst cities in the US, nay, world for this!

I assume you have comprehensive personal experience of everywhere else in the USA, nay, the world, to be able to say this. I'd love to hear of your extensive travel experiences.

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#44

Post by berntb » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 11:56 AM UTC

I have generally no problems with this. I am a type 3.

I am totally convinced emotionally that if I tell people about my nerdy interests carefully, they will understand that the subjects are the coolest things on (and off) the planet.

My saving grace is that I have so many nerdy interests that I can speak to most people anyway.

My message is: You don't need to fear me, just start talking about sports. Baseball is good, if you want to see real fear in my eyes.

It is OK if you don't know anything about sports, you can bluff me. :-)

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#45

Post by swombat » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 12:12 PM UTC

sz wrote: post #24

narrator wrote: post #20

Conversation Zen Levels from lowest zen to highest: Level 1: The conversation does not involve talking about your job. This is only acceptable in business network situations. If you are not at a trade show, business event, in an interview or at work you shouldn't talk about work. This is the most pathetic type of small talk, as it immediately puts you in a social class/stereotype bucket. Level 2: The conversation doe…

What does this have to do with Zen?

Nothing.

Did you notice his line at the end, "Ok I made that all up right in this comment box." ? That kind of implies that the Zen labels were not to be taken seriously.

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#46

Post by bastardlee » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 12:27 PM UTC

narrator wrote: post #20

Conversation Zen Levels from lowest zen to highest: Level 1: The conversation does not involve talking about your job. This is only acceptable in business network situations. If you are not at a trade show, business event, in an interview or at work you shouldn't talk about work. This is the most pathetic type of small talk, as it immediately puts you in a social class/stereotype bucket. Level 2: The conversation doe…

Level 0: The cellphone conversation

Maybe this is a little bold to be stating on a tech-oriented blog, but I dread having a conversation about cellphones. I don't care what kind of cellphone you have. I don't care that you care what kind of cellphone I have. I don't want to talk about what kind of apps I use, or the new features, or the latest goddam iPhone.

Its probably because the conversations are usually so freaking trite and predictable, and 99% of the time no one has anything interesting to say about their cellphones, my cellphone, or what kind of cellphone they want and deserve. It's also a reminder of the consumer culture we live in and it makes me feel like a yuppie when I'm fighting my hardest to avoid becoming one.

That all said, I inevitably end up in them, and a part of me dies every time, even as I smile and laugh and talk about the great speech recognition on my 3GS and how AT&T sucks.

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#47

Post by bastardlee » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 12:48 PM UTC

wazoox wrote: post #37

That reminds me that apparently so many people actually seem to like going to places like bars and hang there for hours keeping on completely pointless conversations and drinking beer. Really, I don't get it. Twice a year is Okay, but twice a week? I'd be bored to death. Can anyone explain this social mystery?

Potential sex

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#48

Post by bedris » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 1:45 PM UTC

jewbacca wrote: post #40

philwelch wrote: post #28

One of my neighbors has the habit of ending his conversations with, "Well, I don't have anything left to say" and then going back to his apartment. I like that about him. Other than that, I didn't like the article. From what I've seen of this blog, the blogger seems far too interested in seeking recognition for her often-childish neuroses rather than developing the self-efficacy to do anything about them. There's no…

From what I understand, this blogger is a purely and explicitly comedic blogger who is making a living off of what she does. I'll leave it as an open exercise to enumerate exactly what it is she does that is valuable [0], but to criticize the author of this blog for not being lionhearted is pretty much like criticizing Larry David for not being Laurence Olivier. --- [0] How is there not some terse bit of internet-ese…

I upvote all comments that compare Larry David to Laurence Olivier, regardless of what the commenter is saying.

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#49

Post by bilch » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 2:57 PM UTC

angstrom wrote: post #21

I do great one on one, probably better than most. I can converse without focusing on myself. I inquire, listen, reciprocate. What I suck at is group talk. Part of it is that I'm actually following what everyone is saying and not looking for the point when I can interrupt with a comment. Though what most people say in such situations, particularly amongst tenuous friendships or uncommon coworkers amounts to low level…

Is there a word for letting the world know how great you are by not-so-cleverly disguising your greatness as a shortcoming? There should be. I need it every day.

(Sorry to bother you with this, I actually am quite verbally adept, but English is my twenty-sixth foreign language and even after weeks of practice sometimes the correct word escapes me.)

Re: The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

#50

Post by dkarl » Mon, Sep 06, 2010, 4:30 PM UTC

wazoox wrote: post #37

That reminds me that apparently so many people actually seem to like going to places like bars and hang there for hours keeping on completely pointless conversations and drinking beer. Really, I don't get it. Twice a year is Okay, but twice a week? I'd be bored to death. Can anyone explain this social mystery?

People go to bars and have conversations that they find pleasant. You need to go and have conversations that you find pleasant, which for you probably means stimulating and informative. You're probably talking to people who like different kinds of conversations. Find new people!

Alternatively, get interested in people themselves instead of just what they talk about. Every conversation can be mined for information about the person you're talking with. I'm working on this myself by reading Studs Terkel.