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Some terrible personal news

mattcutts.com

111–120 of 234 posts

Re: Some terrible personal news

#111
post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have long felt that death certificates are done completely wrong. Instead of just listing the proximate medical cause, they should list the true cause: he died of loneliness; he died of a broken heart; he died because he was homeless and couldn't find his way to the help he needed. When those are the causes of death that we start to track, perhaps the world will become a better place.

But that's not medically true? The proximate medical cause has to be valid and complete, otherwise what is the point in listing it? A death certificate provides full information as to why someone died for the relatives and for the state. This provides them with an explanation of how and why their relative died. It also gives them a permanent record of information about their family medical history, which may be impor…

The point here is that the proximate medical cause isn’t actually the complete cause. While medical records are useful, they don’t explain the circumstances that led to someone’s death, and are therefore heavily missing information in many cases. The person who died of pneumonia because they couldn’t afford to go to hospital - all that gets listed on their certificate is that they died of pneumonia, and so we’re lacking in information that might be just as useful (or more) as that a person died of pneumonia.

If we actually understood that people literally died of not having enough money, or of lack of willpower to deal with a bureaucracy, or of homelessness, or of their mental state, there’s every chance that something might change.

Re: Some terrible personal news

#112
post #70
post #33

I lost my wife suddenly in 2009, she was 34. Losing your significant other is something that you never get over - you live with the emptiness and the hurt, and you learn to move on and hope that the "fog" eventually lifts. It's something that only someone else who has been through the same experience will understand. I was lucky to meet a friend who had lost her husband a couple years before, and she helped me throug…

I lost my mom in 2001. One week after 9/11. I was 6. I often wonder if I would have been a better person if she was there.

> I often wonder if I would have been a better person if she was there.

In general, your parents might be responsible for what you are when you turn 18, but every step you do afterwards is your responsibility. I know people who are over 50 and still make their parents responsible for the bad things in their life, ignoring the 30 years they had to fix the problems of their past.

So yes, it might be a bad start to loose your mother that early, but if you think you could do better (by your own standards): You are the only person who has the authority and power to change yourself.

Sorry, this might sound a little tough given the overall topic, but I think it is is very important to realize this early in life.

Re: Some terrible personal news

#113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When you make enough, making more money means less to you and you care much more about the workplace, the people, the mission. Either that, or find a company that does raises in line with what you’d get from moving. Netflix is famous for this (and has high retention), but there are other companies. The company I work for has a similar approach and I know I’m unlikely to make more at another company unless I move into…

How do you plan to move into finance?

I think where he said "see above" he was indicating he had no desire to go into finance due to "the workplace, the people, the mission"

Re: Some terrible personal news

#114
post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it too late to become what she would have wanted? I don't mean to be glib, but you were a young kid then and (presumably) you're not anymore. Could you recreate her in your mind and allow her to influence you to become the person you would have been? I'm a father, and I used to worry about what might happen to my young kids if I died. It would be a great comfort to me to imagine them, after they got older, making…

A person recreated from memory is still a fake, no matter how accurate you and your memory are. And most people do boot have the skill to do a full character model at the age of 6. It takes special talent nature to do that even when old. That is even ignoring the fact that people change and adapt over time in hard to predict ways. So this thought exercise is actually protecting your own wishes through the light of so…

And most people do boot have the skill to do a full character model at the age of 6.

The poster said he was 6 in 2001. It's no longer 2001, and he's no longer 6. I told him he couldn't have done it back then but it might be worth trying now.

Re: Some terrible personal news

#115
post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Broken heart syndrome is real, elderly couples have been know to pass within fairly short time frames of each other even if all medical indications show they very well could have survived longer. Losing the one person you have shared so much of your life with, likely raised children together with and confided in is something I cannot even comprehend. I’m going to put down HN now and play Minecraft with my wife or som…

Im curious how would they know all medical indication show they could have survived longer. I mean I see few movies with this underline story but do we really have some solid proof?

this is true. Take 10 million couples and maybe 1 in 10 million, this happens, and this is what we hear in the news.

We never hear about the wife that lives 10 more years after their 85+ year old husband dies.

Re: Some terrible personal news

#116
post #33

I lost my wife suddenly in 2009, she was 34. Losing your significant other is something that you never get over - you live with the emptiness and the hurt, and you learn to move on and hope that the "fog" eventually lifts. It's something that only someone else who has been through the same experience will understand. I was lucky to meet a friend who had lost her husband a couple years before, and she helped me throug…

[deleted]

Re: Some terrible personal news

#117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, because it's common knowledge to change companies every ~3 years to get a 20%+ salary increase instead of a miserly 0-10%.

In western Europe, you do this couple of times (not as external consultant of course, but as perm employee), and you get semi-permanently branded as unreliable and unstable. For good reasons. I can see reasoning for this and it makes sense to me (i did it couple of times myself when younger, wouldn't' do that now). In growing economies, or where there isn't enough experienced IT people this isn't valid though.

From my own experience:

- If someone stays less than 2 years with a company something is wrong (the person, the company or the combination).

- If someone stays longer than 4 years with a company in the same job, without promotion, that person is probably not the 'manager' type.

Both situations just give you hints on whether someone matches the profile you are searching for, but switching companies after 3-4 years seems to be reasonable for people who want to get the most out of their salaries. Nevertheless, if someone got all his 'promotions' by switching jobs you should be wary of course.

Re: Some terrible personal news

#118
A neighbor from when I was a kid died in her sleep a few years ago.

She married when I was 8, bought a home, had two kids and lived till I was 25.

Then, one day she slept on the couch and never woke up.

Some aneurism im the brain killed her without any warning.

Life is cruel :/

Re: Some terrible personal news

#119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is that....weird? My coworker has worked here for 25 years now, and he's still "just" a programmer, was never interested in taking a managerial/lead position. There's plenty of programmers who have 10~20 years of seniority here. And it's a games company, so it's not like these people work on some archaic systems - major, triple A releases everyone heard about.

Yes, because it's common knowledge to change companies every ~3 years to get a 20%+ salary increase instead of a miserly 0-10%.

Doesn't that become difficult after a while? I'm gradually finding fewer places are even able to match what I'm making, let alone give me a 20% raise.

Re: Some terrible personal news

#120
post #30

Bro, this will take a long time. Be gentle with yourself. It is the club no one wants to be a member of. I wish you peace and comfort. ~ A 4 year widower of a 37 year old bright light in the world extinguished decades too soon

It does indeed take a long time. One thing I would add though is not to rush, let it take as much time it takes. Its not that things become fine after that time has been spent. One merely becomes more functional. One doesn't have to fight the "why did I even wake up today ?" everyday.
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