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Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

nytimes.com

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Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#171

Post by toomuchtodo »

jchrisa wrote: post #83
hliyan wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. Perhaps this is not exactly what you meant, but I do feel that shared spaces are shrinking and private spaces are expanding. I found this particular quote from The Atlantic quite telling: "The United States is in some ways becoming a medieval society, in which people live and work in the modern equivalent of castles--gated communities, apartment buildings with doormen, and office buildings with guards--and tr…

Sell your car and start biking year round. You won't be lonely for long.

I'm not against this idea, but an inattentive 23 year old driver who failed to yield killed a bicyclist crossing an interstate on ramp (in the crosswalk) down the street from my house last week, so there is risk involved.

Riding bicycles alone isn't going to help; its going to take decades of urban planning to fix the last 60 years of mistakes.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#172

Post by zombieprocesses »

astura wrote: post #136
zombieprocesses wrote: post #98

Betteridge's law of headlines : "Any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered by the word no." This is why I canceled my subscription to the NYTimes and stop following the news so much. Everything is an epidemic. Everything is going to end the world. Are there people with problems of loneliness? Sure. Is it an epidemic? Of course not. Just like the tide pod epidemic last month. Next come, it'll be anothe…

This article is actually critical of people claiming there is a "loneliness epidemic."

Betteridge's law of headlines holds again.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#173

Post by heedlessly3 »

jchrisa wrote: post #83
hliyan wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. Perhaps this is not exactly what you meant, but I do feel that shared spaces are shrinking and private spaces are expanding. I found this particular quote from The Atlantic quite telling: "The United States is in some ways becoming a medieval society, in which people live and work in the modern equivalent of castles--gated communities, apartment buildings with doormen, and office buildings with guards--and tr…

Sell your car and start biking year round. You won't be lonely for long.

this guy clearly lives in the city. Some people live in the suburbs where cars are needed to commute to work

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#174

Post by jij290sdj »

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

I'm living the same life. It was hard, but eventually I emotionally realized I wasn't lonely, but anxious about the perception of what it looked to not want to socialize like folks generally seem to do.

More of a self-doubt that said I must be lame for not having a life.

So I built one for myself through writing, music, and art. All can be done on the cheap (notebook/pencils, and I make digital music with free tools -- no I don't share it, because it's for me, not anyone else, and IDGAF what people think of that)

Over time I quit caring. Now I rather loath people. Or maybe more fairly, I loath modern social existence. I have no interest in approving of others cat pics, or some miraculous bullshit they want to sell, eating at McDonalds or even being friendly at the grocery; those are banal utilitarian tasks, not things I put emotional energy into.

Modern culture has reduced life to a whole lot of pointless, contribute nothing of real value to, interactions. I hate brainless chitchat in meatspace as much as I hate liking on FB and retweeting.

So I create. And I'm happy. Fuck other people if they're not because of it. I don't need their approval.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#175

Post by overcast »

nylonstrung wrote: post #137
overcast wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think your first course of action is improving your attitude. You start out with a cry for help about your problems, depression, and loneliness. People respond, offering help, and you have a negative response to it. It may not seem like much, but people are more willing to help you, if you're willing to be helped. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, be positive, and take advantage of what others are offering.

We have an article about how these issues are structural and entrenched issues at the societal level and people offered superficial self-improvement advice to someone whose issues appear to be largely from profound health problems, which misses the point entirely.

I don't think offering friendship, and someone to talk to is superficial at all. If this is all missing the point, then the parent shouldn't be telling us all this on a public forum.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#176

Post by [deleted] »

montecarl wrote: post #144
tekkk wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Now that I started to think about it how does one create deep relationships? It never occurred to me that I should be taught these things. It has just sorta happened, at times at least. Nowadays I only wonder how I used to be much closer to people but the idea of creating stronger friendships is vague. Is is just by hanging around long enough with other people? Or should we actively seek to bring up issues that we ca…

I think one of the best ways to create deep relationships is to actively help others. Your co-worker mentions that they are moving next month: offer to help move. Your friend's kids are sick and they are stuck at home caring for them: bring them dinner. If you have some older friends (maybe from church) there are often things around the house they might need help with. Once you have helped someone once, your name wil…

[deleted]

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#177

Post by faramarz »

I was in that shoe and definitely felt lonely until I went to a summer camp for adults just outside of Toronto called Camp Reset. It was a digital detox, nicknames only, no work talk weekend event where we played, danced, had meals together, did workshops without ever learning eachothers real names and talking about work. My life changed after that weekend.

I can genuinely say the past 2 years have been filled with joy and growth because of the community that formed after going to Reset.

I highly encourage those of you who are hungry for a community to find similar adult camps in your area and dive in. It was scary at first not knowing anyone, but now the community is 400 people strong and I have deep meaningful relationships with 2-3 dozen people I DID NOT KNOW 2 years ago. In fact I now live with two housemates I met at that camp.

There's a similar camp in California called Camp Grounded. For anyone interested in Reset, i'm happy to answer further questions. I plan to go this year as a co-creator and not just a participant.

edit: only after leaving the camp we got to know each other by real names and professions and the range of professions are far and wide.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#178

Post by jsmthrowaway »

hestipod wrote: post #89
castlecrasher2 wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Alternately, people who give advice likely experienced similar issues and overcame them. I sure have, and would echo the same recommendations, but like I was, OP just gives excuses why he can't do the simplest thing like recalibrating hobby expectations. OP is reaching out for compassion but with such a tiny social net only internet strangers can help, and what else can they do but suggest their own life experiences?…

I disagree with this notion advice is mostly rooted in similar experience. 15 years of anecdata anyway have shown me differently. It's mostly rooted in well meaning of course, and I am not implying people are being malicious or anything. People do commonly ignore relevant issues that change the playing field in any given situation. Also when you do meet others in bad situations that have overcome there is a strong su…

> Sort of wish downvotes weren't a thing honestly.

I was fine with them until the graying out thing, which turned them into basically a demonstration of the power of silencing. All it takes is four people to consider your comment unworthy, and you might as well have not said anything at all; it's oddly futuristic, to use a safe adjective, that the more people who dislike your comment the more difficult it becomes to read. What if we applied that to other situations? Four people dislike what you're saying; please wear this mask that makes it difficult to hear your words. And now that you're wearing that mask, people are more likely to not like anything else you say and avoid your corner of the room. If you're really problematic, we have a safe space in another room, or we've developed technology that completely mutes you but it still sounds to you like you're talking. Enjoy the party!

If downvotes were intended for removing problematic discussion, that's one thing, but HN's position is that downvotes are fine for disagreement, too. So if you say something disagreeable, you are slowly filtered to irrelevance. The macro of that arrangement, which optimizes for discussion that the community will find acceptable and agreeable at the expense of contrarian thought or opinion, is apparently lost on everyone who I've discussed it with, so I've stopped bothering for the most part. Graying out of downvoted comments is honestly a symptom that contributes to perceptions of the valley, based on my conversations with people outside of this community -- I was present for a conversation about Thiel among midwest tech folks, and it was specifically brought up as cancerous to thought.

Good news is there are stylesheets that disable it. It isn't going anywhere, so if you feel like I do, adapt. That and showdead are useful.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#179

Post by [deleted] »

hliyan wrote: post #59
oldcynic wrote: post #52

Interesting. No one has yet mentioned today's lack of community. We don't share a sense of place any more, we move around from job to job, families spread around the country or globe. We rarely share an emotional connection and sense of place with our neighbours that our grandparents would have known. We haven't even kept the sense of virtual community that the BBS's had - social networks amplify dissent and engageme…

Agreed. Perhaps this is not exactly what you meant, but I do feel that shared spaces are shrinking and private spaces are expanding. I found this particular quote from The Atlantic quite telling: "The United States is in some ways becoming a medieval society, in which people live and work in the modern equivalent of castles--gated communities, apartment buildings with doormen, and office buildings with guards--and tr…

[deleted]

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#180

Post by marnett »

truculation wrote: post #12

I'm conflicted about socialising. It seems at best shallow and trivial. At worst downright exploitative. It seems like a politician's game, or a gangster's. Yet occasionally I enjoy the warmth of catching up with an old friend. 'The ape-descendant will greet [me] in return, but in deference to a million years of evolution, he will not attempt to pick fleas off [me]; Earthmen are not proud of their ancestors and never…

It most certainly is a game, and while I enjoy making others laugh when given the chance, when on the lookout for real interaction I just pay attention to the share of conversation in an interaction. Someone who asks no questions, talks too much, lacks eye-contact, says no goodbye - they are merely just being social 'just cause' and are, unfortunately, taken off of my list of people I care to be social with.

If you are unable to detect when someone has no interest in getting to know you, and merely wants to leave you with some impression of their social superiority, just pay attention to how much they talk. If they never once get to know you, then do not waste your time with them.

There are plenty of great people who are kind and caring - ask questions to people and see if they are willing to open up and listen for a change.

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