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Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

nytimes.com

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Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#251

Post by MaulingMonkey »

Swizec wrote: post #243
ryanwaggoner wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Humans are really, really bad at lots of things, but we usually learn ways to compensate, particularly if it's important. Someone like myself who struggles with being late (due to optimism, exactly as you said) absolutely knows that they have this weakness, because it happens constantly and causes all manner of friction and problems. If you don't make any serious attempts to compensate and be better, you're just demo…

I’m always late to things because of optimism and I compensate by considering anything up to 10 minutes late as on time. My friends have learned to just assume I’ll be late. Does that count? What I think is worse than being late are thr monsters that show up on time to a party. Like wtf who does that.

There are worse monsters. As someone who's learned to overcompensate for his optimism... I show up early !

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#252

Post by itronitron »

emodendroket wrote: post #161
pureGuano wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know about that. You just shouldn't strap more meaning onto it than that it's a survey that gives you a qualitative description of the answers you gave to it -- people have some innate attraction to such things and I find it hard to criticize them for it. I just don't think it's appropriate to use for career counseling, etc.

You can't even consistently get the same results for the same person.

that applies to a lot of medical tests as well

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#253

Post by emodendroket »

itronitron wrote: post #252
emodendroket wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can't even consistently get the same results for the same person.

that applies to a lot of medical tests as well

How many of those purport to measure innate characteristics of the subject?

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#254

Post by tspike »

Markoff wrote: post #125
Kluny wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you male? I don't want to assume. But as a woman this is something that really concerns me about the guys I and my friends date. I see my father doing the same thing. Once they get into a stable relationship they seem to think that there's no need for a social life beyond their girlfriend, coworkers, and maybe one or two very close old friends... but those old friends tend to drift away. The reason it bothers me…

I would like to do activities and meet new people and have social life, but what will you choose - spending time with your kids or social life? I can't go for beer or travel or whatever while holding hand of toddler. But people without children really have no excuse. edit: to make things even worse if i go somewhere by myself with child, all i see are groups/cults of mothers discussing parenting stuff, it's very rare…

I don't know where you live, but in my town it's very common to bring children to have a beer. The local brewery even has complimentary diapers in the mens bathroom. I count myself lucky to have that as an option, but even if I didn't I would see if friends wanted to go down to the waterfront to have a beer and let my kiddo run around happy as can be.

Travel is certainly more difficult than it used to be, but I've found that the types of trips I used to turn my nose up at (all-inclusive resort-ish) are appealing in a completely new way. We can put the toddler down to bed, set up a baby monitor, and go down and enjoy ourselves like we're actually adults, often meeting new folks.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#255

Post by tytytytytytytyt »

bzbarsky wrote: post #224
ryanwaggoner wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There may be some people who genuinely have trouble keeping track of time or planning ahead, but 99% of people who are habitually late (myself included at times) are just rude and inconsiderate. Come on, in your own example you provide a white lie to the person and tell them it'll be 30 mins, when you know that it could likely be longer. Why not just say you're running an hour late instead? I suffer from this myself,…

I think you misread the example. Person A says they will be 30 mins late. Person B responds they are running late too, probably by an hour, so person A doesn't need to worry about being a mere 30 minutes late.

I doubt that changes much about what they said.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#256

Post by emodendroket »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #220
JimboOmega wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Besides the obvious craziness of keeping track of these things... It's worth noting that some people are just completely shit at timeliness, no matter how important the thing is. I am and so are my a lot of my friends "I'm running 30 minutes late!" often meets a "No worries, I might be an hour". A punctuality obsessed person would hate me.

There may be some people who genuinely have trouble keeping track of time or planning ahead, but 99% of people who are habitually late (myself included at times) are just rude and inconsiderate. Come on, in your own example you provide a white lie to the person and tell them it'll be 30 mins, when you know that it could likely be longer. Why not just say you're running an hour late instead? I suffer from this myself,…

I think it depends on the context. It's a bigger deal to be late to a lunch invitation with one other person than to show up late to a party.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#257

Post by King-Aaron »

13of40 wrote: post #222
newnewpdro wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm reminded of a song by Cake; Tougher Than It Is. [1] Some people are so high-strung and high-maintenance, I don't know why they do it to themselves. Perhaps their career path rewards this behavior, and they become so obsessed with success as defined by their career, whatever that means, that it becomes their entire identity. Because the way Thayer is approaching life sounds a whole lot like the way people behave i…

For what it's worth, mushrooms are pretty hard to enjoy if you're a friendless 30+ alone in the forest.

Depends on the psilocybin content of said mushrooms.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#258

Post by odammit »

JimboOmega wrote: post #212
emodendroket wrote: post #117

> Thayer Prime, a 32-year-old strategy consultant who lives in London, has even developed a playful 100-point scale (100 being “best friend forever”). In her mind, she starts to dock new friend candidates as they begin to display annoying or disloyal behavior. Nine times out of 10, she said, her new friends end up from 30 to 60, or little more than an acquaintance. > “You meet someone really nice, but if they don’t r…

Besides the obvious craziness of keeping track of these things... It's worth noting that some people are just completely shit at timeliness, no matter how important the thing is. I am and so are my a lot of my friends "I'm running 30 minutes late!" often meets a "No worries, I might be an hour". A punctuality obsessed person would hate me.

“Punctuality obsessed” or person that takes the effort to make time to hang out with a friend, offered them the respect of showing up on time just to have their time wasted by you not showing up on time.

If you do it all the time, you’re inconsiderate.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#259

Post by ShabbosGoy »

13of40 wrote: post #222
newnewpdro wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm reminded of a song by Cake; Tougher Than It Is. [1] Some people are so high-strung and high-maintenance, I don't know why they do it to themselves. Perhaps their career path rewards this behavior, and they become so obsessed with success as defined by their career, whatever that means, that it becomes their entire identity. Because the way Thayer is approaching life sounds a whole lot like the way people behave i…

For what it's worth, mushrooms are pretty hard to enjoy if you're a friendless 30+ alone in the forest.

Depends on the individual. If you’re using it for entheogenic purposes, then the forest is a great place to enjoy it. I’m reminded of the image of a Buddhist monk meditating under a waterfall in quiet contemplation.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#260

Post by graylights »

JimboOmega wrote: post #212
emodendroket wrote: post #117

> Thayer Prime, a 32-year-old strategy consultant who lives in London, has even developed a playful 100-point scale (100 being “best friend forever”). In her mind, she starts to dock new friend candidates as they begin to display annoying or disloyal behavior. Nine times out of 10, she said, her new friends end up from 30 to 60, or little more than an acquaintance. > “You meet someone really nice, but if they don’t r…

Besides the obvious craziness of keeping track of these things... It's worth noting that some people are just completely shit at timeliness, no matter how important the thing is. I am and so are my a lot of my friends "I'm running 30 minutes late!" often meets a "No worries, I might be an hour". A punctuality obsessed person would hate me.

As someone who regularly is late, I disagree. It's all a matter of consequences. I'm never late for a flight because I know it will cost me money. But I run late to work often because I know it the worse I'll get is some jokes. Unless I miss an important meeting, and then I make effort to be on time for.

Fashionably late only makes sense if the others can continue without you.

* 2 hours late to happy hour? glad you can make it, get a drink. (But don't expect me to stay another 2 hours)

* An hour late for D&D game? I guess we can start now. grumble-grumble wasted an hour of everyone elses time.

* 15 minutes late to carpool? You better have a good reason.

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