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Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

kapwing.com

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Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#641

Post by nasredin »

fsloth wrote: post #204
jakobegger wrote: post #101

Amazing. The author spends a lot of time to tell us a very convincing story how sexism affects people in our industry, and the Hacker News thread is full of people rationalizing it. - it's only because people think you're a bot - it's because of your target audience - it's because chat widgets are annoying - you don't really have enough data to make any conclusions How much will it take to convince the average HN rea…

"How much will it take to convince the average HN reader that sexism actually is everywhere?" I presume those that think this way either have no female friends or have not asked them about it. Men generally don't get catcalls or get their body fondled by strangers.

Regarding catcalling.

Unfortunately it is one of those things that women and sometimes men will have to sacrafice if they want to live in a free country.

(See burkas)

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#642

Post by nasredin »

Helmet wrote: post #266
fsloth wrote: post #204

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"How much will it take to convince the average HN reader that sexism actually is everywhere?" I presume those that think this way either have no female friends or have not asked them about it. Men generally don't get catcalls or get their body fondled by strangers.

I've been both sexually harassed at work and groped by strangers when out on the town (by a woman) - but yeah, I agree with your larger point. I think it's certainly more prevalent the other way around.

How did you feel?

Yeah... I still got it!

or

Something negative?

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#643

Post by nasredin »

nuffsaid wrote: post #325
vegardx wrote: post #197

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Anecdotal and not really a big problem, but it took me having to put my coke in a coffee cup to be taken seriously in meetings to really "get it".

I had to put my coke in a small bag in my key pocket to be taken seriously.

I too was confused when she wrote "coke".

Don't think putting a can of Coke in a cup was the problem there.

And

"coke" and "Coke". Different things.

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#644

Post by prepend »

orthecreedence wrote: post #543
z3t4 wrote: post #260

I think those chat boxes are rude. Here I'm am browsing the web in my underpants and some dude sneaks up on me like "hey, I see you are visiting our site! Wanna chat ?". Instead make it so that the user needs to make active action, eg clicking on a link to start the chat.

Strongly agree. Whenever something annoys me, I find the first person I can who is remotely associated with that thing and hold nothing back as I verbally abuse them and sexually harass them.

Comically, that’s sort of what I do. They annoy me, so I take out my frustrations on them. I don’t say the stuff in the article, but my typical response is to close, or if it seems like an actual human type a quick “fuck yourself.” Every once in a while, I engage them to explain how their intrusion is annoying.

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#645

Post by giantsloth »

taurath wrote: post #553
giantsloth wrote: post #510

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I believe this comment is turning an issue of sexism into an issue of impoliteness that's developed around the culture of gaming, and I think that's a particularly toxic viewpoint. Rather than addressing the real fact that women are treated as sexual objects by men generally, whether in thought or anonymous action in message chat boxes, this sort of comment turns it into an issue of "polite conversation". To me it se…

I really dislike comments like this because all it’s doing is counting “isms” that are subjective and vaguely detectable, in response to someone sharing their personal story. It adds nothing to the conversation other than to shame and make people clam up and not share anymore, which doesn’t help anyone. It’s bullying.

I wasn’t counting isms, the article is about the treatment of people in anonymous chats based on gender, where women and particularly good looking women are treated more poorly. This Is about sexism, not about gamers learning to be mean to all people online.

I’m accurately identifying what the article’s subject is, how the commenter’s comment is only tangentially related, distracting and really missing the point. It’s a valid critique of the comment. Critiques can’t be expected to be padded, because it might make someone feel bad that they were wrong. This is illogical and anti-science.

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#646

Post by bloak »

mirimir wrote: post #627
bloak wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your last paragraph is totally correct, in my opinion. (It is probably also true that many people who use "racist" insults are not really being "racist"; they are just insulting in an effective, target-specific way. If they couldn't come up with a racist insult, but the target has glasses, they'd probably resort to "four-eyes". I'm talking about the UK here, by the way.)

If someone is being "just insulting in an effective, target-specific way" that comes across as racist, then they're being racist, no matter what they may really feel, or what they may think that they really feel. And it's the same for sexism or any other *ism.

You may choose to use words in a way that deliberately obscures an important distinction in the real world but please accept that other people may choose not to.

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#647

Post by drewmol »

dang wrote: post #591
vgf wrote: post #586

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ok, humor me. What is the strongest plausible interpretation of: "One that had a referrer as a thread on Hacker News kept insisting I couldn't be a real person, and wanting me to do basic math like 2+3 "before he would talk to me." It was gross."? (I am not trolling. Disagreeing with your point of view is not the same thing as trolling.)

A stronger plausible interpretation is that the commenter has indeed seen many instances of harassment like the ones in the OP—which was obviously her main point; that as a SaaS founder she knows about chatbots, and would have no problem with a prospective customer who just wanted to make sure a human was at the other end (obviously it would be in her business interests to engage with such a user); and that she had a…

>Instead you began by being a dick

I'd like to point out that using this word to imply certain traits (commonly stereotyped to male behaviors) is not much different from calling someone a pussy to imply weakness/sensativity/etc.

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#648

Post by dang »

drewmol wrote: post #647
dang wrote: post #591

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A stronger plausible interpretation is that the commenter has indeed seen many instances of harassment like the ones in the OP—which was obviously her main point; that as a SaaS founder she knows about chatbots, and would have no problem with a prospective customer who just wanted to make sure a human was at the other end (obviously it would be in her business interests to engage with such a user); and that she had a…

>Instead you began by being a dick I'd like to point out that using this word to imply certain traits (commonly stereotyped to male behaviors) is not much different from calling someone a pussy to imply weakness/sensativity/etc.

I don't want to touch the flamebaity aspect of this but the word 'dick' was too harsh and not one I usually use in moderation comments. I changed it to the slightly more modulated 'jerk'.

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#649

Post by RikNieu »

This is ridiculous behaviour.

And I'm curious as to who these visitors are broken down into sub-groups.

It would have been interesting to see if the harassment could be correlated to certain countries and regions, age groups, and whether the time of day would make a difference.

Re: Why I don't use my real photo when messaging with customers on my website

#650

Post by mschuster91 »

ben_jones wrote: post #437
mschuster91 wrote: post #344

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Men generally don't catcall or fondle strangers' bodies either. But vastly more men catcall or grope women than the other way around. That's the issue. > It's a general projection, "why would anyone do that?". To assert power and dominance (both attributes that are part of the common definition of "masculinity" in western societies).

I believe it happens more to women. But ask an attractive male bartender or waiter. We shouldn't hand wave those abuses away either.

> But ask an attractive male bartender or waiter. We shouldn't hand wave those abuses away either.

Was a male bartender for nearly two years. I agree it happens from time to time that customers try to score with you, but it's really incredibly rare compared to the stuff my female colleagues had to endure (maybe twice over my career vs daily).

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