Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 51 posts

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#21

Post by jacquesm »

patio11 wrote: post #9

"Startups take over your life" is a social construct. It happens because we expect it to happen, because we model it as "success", because we demand it from ourselves, and because we look at anyone who it isn't happening to as a failure. My business is, in many ways (such as measuring by hours), the easiest job I've ever had.

I respectfully disagree. Your business is not a start-up of the kind where that is likely to happen, but there is more than one kind of start-up.

The kind of start-up where you have a fairly large capital outlay, where you have to hire a bunch of people from day one and where there is significant pressure from windows of opportunity and a race to market can easily go out of control in this respect.

The other thing that can turn your world upside down is a real success, or a real setback when you're moving ahead full steam.

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#22

Post by jpdbaugh »

weaponizedgames wrote: post #19

One problem to consider if you are working on your startup from home is the danger of constant interruptions. It can be hard on your family, especially your wife, to "not be allowed" to interrupt you. You have to remember that your family interrupts you because they care about you and they want you involved in their lives, but at the same time you have to find a way to tactfully get them to stay away from your office…

This is so true. I have a really hard time getting my girl friend to understand that I can't carry a conversation while coding... I brought it on myself trying to work in the same room she does though. If I could I would 100% have a private area to work in. I dream of having a house with a PRIVATE study right now.

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#23

Post by patio11 »

jacquesm wrote: post #21
patio11 wrote: post #9

"Startups take over your life" is a social construct. It happens because we expect it to happen, because we model it as "success", because we demand it from ourselves, and because we look at anyone who it isn't happening to as a failure. My business is, in many ways (such as measuring by hours), the easiest job I've ever had.

I respectfully disagree. Your business is not a start-up of the kind where that is likely to happen, but there is more than one kind of start-up. The kind of start-up where you have a fairly large capital outlay, where you have to hire a bunch of people from day one and where there is significant pressure from windows of opportunity and a race to market can easily go out of control in this respect. The other thing th…

Forgive me for being all Toyota-y, but we have a specific definition of "out of control", and it is not "the specific anticipated consequence of a policy which is culturally celebrated and is considered one of the defining features of our industry."

I have some other issues with the assumption that any CRUD app can reasonably be said to be racing to market in 2010. Many "real" startups, for whatever definition of "real" one wants, have been technically viable for every single day of the last ten years. The race is also a social construct. The world will little note nor long remember the first mover in groupons (hint: not Groupon).

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#24

Post by jacquesm »

patio11 wrote: post #23
jacquesm wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I respectfully disagree. Your business is not a start-up of the kind where that is likely to happen, but there is more than one kind of start-up. The kind of start-up where you have a fairly large capital outlay, where you have to hire a bunch of people from day one and where there is significant pressure from windows of opportunity and a race to market can easily go out of control in this respect. The other thing th…

Forgive me for being all Toyota-y, but we have a specific definition of "out of control", and it is not "the specific anticipated consequence of a policy which is culturally celebrated and is considered one of the defining features of our industry." I have some other issues with the assumption that any CRUD app can reasonably be said to be racing to market in 2010. Many "real" startups, for whatever definition of "re…

CRUD apps are only a very thin slice of the whole spectrum though.

When you have a few hundred K of your own hard earned cash and a few million of investors money, as well as the livelihood of a number of people riding on your start-up succeeding or tanking and you hit a significant road block there is a very big temptation to dig in and try to save the company at the expense of your private life. Even in situations not quite as dramatic the temptation is there.

It may work, it may fail, there may be private consequences, there may not be. But that all depends on the circumstances, and those are not specified.

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#25

Post by retube »

It's a good question. There's a saying that behind all successful men is a good wife. But it depends entirely on your personal circumstances, and the demands of your wife/family.

A start-up can be HARD. And there's no guarantees, and often irregular cash flow. If you can handle this (ie have sufficient float to cover) then ok. If not, it could get stressful.

The one great thing about being married is it forces you to be "real". When you're in your early twenties, foot-loose and fancy-free, you can embark on just about any flight of fancy without too much in the way of repercussions. But conversely you are not being forced to think too critically (financially). When you're older, with responsibilities, you can't be dicking about. You _have_ to appraise what you're doing in the context of wider financial obligations. This can be a good thing: it might stop you taking stupid risks.

But, fundamentally, it comes down to this: does your wife support what you are doing? Is she prepared to accept a reduced income/life-style for a shot at the big time? Is she comfortable with the odds against this? Is she gonna be happy you spending all your time in front of a PC with often little to show for it? Only you can answer these questions.

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#26

Post by gommm »

Completely off topic but you mention that you will start something with people from Hong Kong. I'm looking for a merchant account with a payment gateway in Hong Kong but haven't had any luck... Do you or your partner know anything that could help me?

You can contact me at hn - squiggly sign - gom-jabbar.org Thanks

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#27

Post by iliketosleep »

depends on who you are married to. from my own observations, this is what i can gather: if the wife is supportive of what you're doing, then it can actually make the creation of a startup easier. if she is not and always demands your time at the expense of necessary business tasks, then it's going to be a lot harder than if you were single.

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#28

Post by tomggb »

I've done numerous startups and marriages, and all I can really say is that if you love your idea and want it to work, you will find a way. Americans watch an average of 4 hours of tv per day, turn the tv off and spend the time sitting next to your wife while you work. We love listening to Pandora or iTunes and working on our respective businesses.

Re: Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

#29

Post by mst »

michael_dorfman wrote: post #11

I'm currently on my second startup-- I cashed out of my first a couple years ago. At the time I was starting my first, my eldest daughter, then 2 years old, was diagnosed with leukemia, and between that time and cashing out, my wife and I had three more children, and she lost her father to cancer. My point is: life happens, often while you're busy making other plans. Other people here have brought up the "late hours"…

For a while I had a partner with a small child; I'd get up at lunchtime, handle my email, go collect the small child from daycare, go back to programming, we'd eat together, then I'd work some more until it was small child bedtime. I did bedtime, then came back downstairs and spend an hour or so with my partner, then vanish and hack until 5am or so.

If the small child woke up in the night, I dealt with it, she got up at 7.30am or so when the small child woke up properly so I could sleep. At the weekend we'd make sure I found time to go take the kid to the playground or something so we could spend an hour or two being silly together, and every few weekends my parents would turn up and we'd go for a day trip.

Overall it worked pretty well - she and I eventually broke up but that was due to factors other than work/family balance.

Post reply on HN