Ask HN: How does marriage affect the creation of a (successful) startup?

At the time I was starting my first, my eldest daughter, then 2 years old, was diagnosed with leukemia, and between that time and cashing out, my wife and I had three more children, and she lost her father to cancer.

My point is: life happens, often while you're busy making other plans.

Other people here have brought up the "late hours" issue. Obviously, you and your spouse ought to both be comfortable about the kind of hours you keep.

But another issue-- more important, in my book-- is how you and your spouse relate to risk. Startups are, by their nature, perceived as being riskier than a stable, nine-to-five job. (Whether they actually are or not is immaterial-- it's the perception that's relevant here.)

When I got started, it became clear to me that I had a much higher tolerance for financial risk than my wife. This was not a problem, as I was able to make it clear to her that if there was ever a problem providing security for the family, I'd give up the startup and get a "real job".

By the way: based on your "possibly one with kids, ugh" comment, I'd suggest you make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page as more fundamental things as well. If you view the possibility of children as warranting an "ugh", you should be working to remove that possibility, for the sake of the eventual kids, if nothing else.

Case in point, sometimes my girlfriend works at my office. How is that possible at a normal job? Or taking a week off just to go work at your parents cabin? That kind of out-of-office working is just not possible or a great idea in the normal work force.

One thing I will say: Doing a startup by yourself would be almost impossible with a serious relationship. You need at least one partner to watch your back when you can't be on duty (which happens twice as often in a serious relationship, I've found).

My personal experience: I had a live-in gf (and possible future spouse), and I spent about a year in startup crunch mode on an academic research project (which I hoped to leverage into a future startup). It put a major strain on our relationship - she worked outside the home, I worked primarily at home, and she didn't get the concept of "physically at home but working and unavailable." We are no longer together, in part because of this.

Your SO may be incompatible with your startup - it's far better to discover things like this before getting married. You may choose the SO over the startup, but you should be aware you are making that choice.

Worst case scenario: an ex-wife who acted as a burden throughout the startup process walks away with 50% of your successful company.

(Note: a prenup won't help much - courts are in the habit of nullifying them if the judge doesn't like them. Witness the whole Elon Musk fiasco.)

I multitask fairly well but have always feared juggling married life with a startup. I am getting married this october. My fiancee is supportive, an engineer & workaholic himself and to an extent understands startup. I have known him for many years and he stood by me even before when I almost went bankrupt being part of a startup. I think his support and the possibility that I could discuss things from work (which I can't do with my parents/siblings) gives a good feeling.

Only concern is I feel he doesn't "yet" get the stress part and the variable low morale issue at times. It is very weird to him if I say that I am feeling low today and by evening if I am excited that we got 20 more hits on the site.

edit: emphasis

Sitting almost perfectly still in front of a computer and concentrating for hours and hours at a stretch is not a natural act. Humans are wired to get involved with the social activities going on around them. Depending on the difficulty of what you are working on, a few family interruptions per day or a too-high noise level from elsewhere in the house can destroy the quality of your work for the entire day.

Interruptions are also a big problem in a traditional office environment, but there you have much less invested in your efficiency. If management isn't willing to pay for private offices where the staff can concentrate properly -- then they get what they pay for and its not really the programmer's job to question it. At least everybody in a shared office area is in the same boat and everybody suffers from the same distractions.

In a startup, however, interruptions can ruin you and must be dealt with.