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Why Am I So Lazy?

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Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#201

Post by Tenhundfeld »

orbitur wrote: post #181
Bradlinc wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am not sure I would blame the parents. As a kid I would say that I was stupid and couldn't do anything even though everyone around me was telling me how smart I was. I watch the same thing occurring in my six year old daughter now, even though I am sure nobody is saying that to her. It was a confidence thing for me. This didn't change until I was in my teens and was clearly better at certain things than others.

For me it was effort required. I was an early reader, and the first few years of elementary were a breeze, but at some point I decided if I had to work at anything, I didn't want to do it. If I couldn't immediately answer the question, I felt was just stupid and it wasn't worth my time. This, in spite of a family insisting I was the greatest.

> This, in spite of a family insisting I was the greatest.

Some would argue it's because of your family insisting you were the greatest, in part.

>At some point I decided if I had to work at anything, I didn't want to do it. If I couldn't immediately answer the question, I felt [it] was just stupid and it wasn't worth my time.

Yep, you are a smart, great person. Your family loves you because of all of the smart, great things you do, in part. If something is hard and doesn't come naturally to you? It must be something stupid and not great. So don't worry, you are still smart and great, and people still love you. Don't try anything hard.

I'm obviously being facetious, but according to some experts (though not all, not even most), that emotional dynamic is encouraged by praising kids for their intelligence or abilities, instead of effort. I don't know how much I believe it, but that type of weird insecurity does seem fairly common among intelligent people who were extremely precocious.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#202

Post by betenoire »

Zak wrote: post #139
vermilingua wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, but "being lazy" is an action, which can be stopped. It's much harder to stop being lazy if you are being told it's a facet of your identity.

Lazy, here, is a state . It could be understood as a temporary state like being asleep or being hungry, or a facet of one's identity. "Stop slacking" might be better; it unambiguously refers to current behavior that a person can change immediately.

I thought that maybe another language would have a word for this, and I found

https://spanishto-english.com/spanish-dictionary/haraganear

It calls "being lazy" an intransitive verb

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#203

Post by koonsolo »

always_good wrote: post #148
koonsolo wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry, but I have totally no clue what you are talking about. Laziness is preserving energy, which seems pretty vital to survival for me. Have you ever seen a "lazy" lion just laying there, doing nothing most of the day? The reason why he's not running around all day doing active stuff is because of survival, energy preservation. He will put his energy where it is most important, food and sex. He's even so lazy that…

So playing video games all night to procrastinate some homework and then stressing about the procrastination is just preservation of energy? Did you use an animal example because every human example sounds ridiculous alongside your premise?

There are plenty of human examples. Too lazy to clean the foor: Roomba. Too lazy to walk: bicycle. Too lazy to bike: car. Too lazy to walk up stairs: elevator. Too lazy to chop wood: central heating. Too lazy to cook: microwaved meals. Too lazy to calculate: calculators. Too lazy to paint: photography. Too lazy to go to shop: online ordering. Too lazy to get out of your seat and change the channel: Remote controls.

But sometimes instincts can work against us, that's for sure. Look at fear or anger, and sure, laziness.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#204

Post by invalidOrTaken »

gizmo686 wrote: post #14
Buldak wrote: post #2

When I was failing classes in college, I had a conversation with a dean who suggested that I subconsciously didn't want to be there, and that I was committing academic self-sabotage as a result. This struck me as an extravagant, bizarre theory. (Cynically, I also wonder if she was trying to convince me to voluntarily leave the college so that I wouldn't ding their graduation rate.) I tend to be suspicious of this kin…

What does it mean to be "lazy"? Why are some people lazy, and others not? Why are people lazy with regards to certain things and not others? Ignoring all of these questions and simply considering laziness to be a fundamentally characteristic is highly unsatisfying and, dare I say, lazy. Maybe the authors explanation is wrong, but she offers a potential explanation. Your proposal is simply that 'she is lazy because sh…

>What does it mean to be "lazy"?

A few months ago my little brother was taking an introductory CS class. I warned him not to procrastinate his assignments, because you can't hurry programming. Nine women can't make a baby in one month, etc.

I think "laziness" is similar: it's an emergent phenomenon to be debugged, not a single "thing" to be attacked with more-of something.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#205

Post by golemiprague »

sudosteph wrote: post #27
taneq wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure "actually have ADHD" is a thing. (Edit: Emphasis on "actually", not on "ADHD". ADHD is a thing. In between "really do have it" and "really don't have it", though, is a huge grey area, and that's what I'm getting at.) I mean, there are certainly people (maybe even most people) who function better on stimulants. And there are certainly people who don't function well when not on stimulants. But it's all a s…

The science is not on your side for this view. I suggest you read up to get a more informed view, Dr. Russell Barkley is a great resource, has videos all over youtube. In the meantime, here's a quote from "International Consensus Statement on ADHD" (Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, Vol. 5, No. 2, June 2002) > We cannot overemphasize the point that, as a matter of science, the notion that ADHD does not exi…

So how come in the US kids are diagnosed with ADHD 10 times more comparing to France? if it was so clear cut it should be equal all over the world.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#206

Post by Digit-Al »

sanderjd wrote: post #194
uhnuhnuhn wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> in "stop being lazy" it is a verb It isn't.

That's very pedantic! While I didn't mean "it" in that statement to refer just to the word "lazy", I suppose it's true that "being lazy" also isn't technically a verb. Other commenters below have found more precise language, but I think a charitable reading of what I wrote is pretty clear in meaning.

How about "stop [acting] lazy"? 'Acting' has more of an implication of something you are putting on that can be easily changed, rather than 'being' which possibly implies something you are, that is not easily changed.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#207

Post by dboreham »

somethingsimple wrote: post #155
bambax wrote: post #52

> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at…

> Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at math and you're surprised she doesn't get good grades I think one must be careful with this. I'd use that approach if my kid got a single bad grade among otherwise great grades in math. But I wouldn't tell her that if I knew she wasn't good at math - that would just be dishonest, and kids can tell. My approach with my daughter is to praise her for things I'…

This touches on some personal experience:

Since I'm reading HN of course I'm good at math. However, I don't really believe there is any such thing -- rather I had some good teachers, and father who knew math and who was willing to invest time explaining it to me, and something of a desire to "understand everything" which of course includes (starts with) Mathematics. Deep down I guess I think that perhaps when you get to Hilbert's problems _then_ you might be talking "hard math" but until then it really isn't that much to get your head around. You just need a decent teacher, time and effort.

So now I have two sons. Both I will say struggled somewhat with Math up to 7th grade when they hit a good teacher. By "struggled" I mean they got constant A/A+ but I had to put in significant work (as did they) to get them there. First son now in 9th grade gets continuous A+ without any help from me. Sometimes I ask him questions about what he's studying, and try to expand his horizons accordingly. The other son in 7th grade is still somewhat struggling but I can feel he is getting to a turning point.

Second son would often become disillusioned and say "I'm just not good at math". I can just imagine teachers and family members nodding in agreement. I didn't do that : I told him he just doesn't understand it yet but he will.

Anyway, my concern in this is : how many kids end up believing they're "not good at math" due to their teachers, family and environment? How many scientists and engineers (or just members of the public who understand statistics and interest rates...) are we losing because the idea that "math is hard" is so widely held and propagated like a virus?

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#208

Post by papi_bichhu »

My wife is exactly similar to the person who wrote this article. I was aware of her procrastinating and lazy side even before we got married. It didn't get any better with time and all my efforts of cajoling her into getting our lives in a routine are in vain. The best example is that she will not get out of the bed on a weekend until I do, doesn't matter if she went to sleep hours before I did.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#209

Post by projektir »

dboreham wrote: post #207
somethingsimple wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at math and you're surprised she doesn't get good grades I think one must be careful with this. I'd use that approach if my kid got a single bad grade among otherwise great grades in math. But I wouldn't tell her that if I knew she wasn't good at math - that would just be dishonest, and kids can tell. My approach with my daughter is to praise her for things I'…

This touches on some personal experience: Since I'm reading HN of course I'm good at math. However, I don't really believe there is any such thing -- rather I had some good teachers, and father who knew math and who was willing to invest time explaining it to me, and something of a desire to "understand everything" which of course includes (starts with) Mathematics. Deep down I guess I think that perhaps when you get…

> Since I'm reading HN of course I'm good at math.

I read HN, I assure I am not good at math. :P

Note that a) your sons are linked to you genetically; b) your sons' genetics likely differ. You can't actually derive any useful information from this anecdote alone.

I think it's a mixed issue. There most likely are differences in effectiveness of picking up math in people, and they may be significant, but the environment is making them too significant and creating unnecessary thresholds (i.e., if you can't do X math by age Y, there's a problem).

From what I've seen, most institutions want the most easily teachable students, which automatically selects for all ducks to be in the row, regardless of whether these factors are fatally influential. So if someone just has an easier time with math, for whatever reason, they'll have an easier time in general, because they require less work from institutions.

I think we have very little data of what good teaching can do because it largely doesn't exist, so mostly we're just looking at flat ability.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#210

Post by meesterdude »

gdubs wrote: post #193

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is interesting for this type of thing - mindfulness meditation too. Both are helpful at gaining clarity around overgeneralizations we make about ourselves. In meditation it’s very common to reach a point of realization that ‘what we are’ is not equal to the labels we attach to ourselves. Both cause a kind of short-circuiting of the “automatic thoughts” we have in response to emotional tri…

CBT is good, but actually I would not recommend CBT for laziness. It can help with other things for sure - such as self disturbances, idealizations, and acceptance. It may even be considered a good foundation - But, it does not challenge the fundamental drivers of your life that induce laziness. At least it did not for me.

Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) was created, IIRC, from seeing people go through CBT but still suffer from emotions & avoidance. While it overlaps with CBT in some ways, it identifies things like the way language shapes our thinking, and proposes we lead by our values instead of by our emotions. Be present in the moment, accept your feelings but don't justify your behavior by them, and do what matters.

I only figured I'd mention, because I recently learned about ACT after being an advocate for CBT, and coming to see where they work and where they don't.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_ther...

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